Aibu? it's not my responsibility to make sure teen DSD gets to school

It’s not a one off, OP says ‘I always feel like H just leaves her to me in the morning. He goes off to work and I'm the one left to make sure she's got up’

So every single individual is the same? I don't think so. She is a teen who slept in once! And we wonder why you g people have attitudes when adults talk so disrespectfully of them.

Have you never slept in? Honestly the so called Christmas spirit is alive and well here 🤣🤣

She is 15....how old does she need to be to start taking some responsibility for herself? Treating her as a poor little girl who is incapable of the simplest of things does her no favours in the long run.

Sounds like an excellent opportunity for a little Daddy/Daughter time. Let HIM haul her out of her pit in accordance with his timeline and take her out for VERY early breakfast (some places serve from 6am). Then her can drop her off at a breakfast club if there is one at her school and go on his merry commuting way. Teenagers can be raddled and difficult beasts and unfortunately you seem to be married to one as well as co-parenting one.

OP did, by waking her up for school.

My 15 yo does….at 6:30.

DSD is a child.
treat children with compassion and understanding

So DSD is old enough to not be taken down for breakfast but not old enough to get herself fo school?

you're delusional if you think a 15 year old will get up to eat breakfast at that time.
the DSD doesn't need to be treated like that just because OP doesn't like helping them

A single parent friend of mine has a teenager who is difficult to wake up in the morning.

She wakes him before she leaves and then FaceTimes him when she gets to work (an hour later) to ensure he's ready and heading out the door; could your DH do this if his DD is unreliable?

It's definitely his problem to resolve; he needs to parent his child to get herself up in the morning, trust her to do it by herself and deal with the consequences if she doesn't, or oversee her physically getting up and out of the house (either in person or FaceTime).

He's not left at midnight, you know. He was there until 7. He could have prepped breakfast for his daughter and taken her down to eat it.

Exactly what I was thinking!

given that he's gone to work, no he's not

The DH is the parent in the house.

I see it as the job of the parent in the house
god forbid people have to look after the children in their care

She would've been late anyway and you would've messed up your morning having to take her. If she was in primary school then of course you should make sure they're on time. But at 15 she'll just have to take whatever penalty the school doles out. It's not like she was bunking off. It's not the end of the world either way but certainly not your fault.

You've assumed it's a one off but OP says ' I always feel like H just leaves her to me in the morning. He goes off to work and I'm the one left to make sure she's got up.'

The DH only leaves an hour before OP. He absolutely could get DD up and make her breakfast if he wanted to.

Your attitude of 'why should he be around' just says it all, you see it as the step-mum's job.

If Op woke her stepdaughter in time-what else was she meant to do?

I do agree that it isn't your problem and her dad should not be blaming you at all but I do feel bad for your step daughter. I have teens, they do sometimes oversleep and I have dropped them into school.

If this is a one off, I would have probably dropped her when I was dropping the younger two.

If she is going to be staying with you regularly on school days I would probably make sure she is awake earlier (yes, it isn't your responsibility but is the kind thing to do in my opinion but I do not have step children).

At what age does it become DSD or her Dad at fault for being late, not me, her step mother who did try to get her up and had a tantruming 2 year old and 4 year old to deal with as well

Well that's the thing-does her dad think that you were doing nothing other than rubbing your hands in glee at the thought of her being late?

Has he ever had to get two young kids ready & out the door by a certain time?

I wonder how much thought he'd be giving his teen daughter then?

im glad you got yourself to school. well done. it seems that OPs DSD usually does and handles things herself as this wasn't described as an ongoing situation.

the father leaves a lot earlier for work. and as above this appears to be a one time issue so why would he need to be around all the time for this? especially when theres an adult in the house who can help.

im sorry that youre of the viewpoint that just because a child is of the 'teen' age they dont deserve the same level or compassion as a younger child. I hope that wasn't how you were raised because that sounds quite sad.

OP asked if they ABU .

I think yes. you think no.

ive stated my reasoning and you've stated yours.

She’s 15? That’s plenty old enough not to need adult supervision or encouragement in the mornings. Unless she has SEN?

If she can’t organise herself in the mornings and needs an adult involved, he’ll have to change his working hours so he can be the one to do that.

Edit - I should have mentioned, I have a 16 yo and she hasn’t needed any morning input for years. In fact actively discourages anyone else from getting up when she has to!

My 10 yo has SEN so not expecting to be the same so thought that was work just making sure as replies would be different (ie would be that Dad should make sure he’s about!)

I was responsible for getting myself to school from the age of 12. If I was late to school, I bore the repercussions, not my parents.

You seem to want OP to bear the repercussions by being late to her job, because in your words ‘DSD didn't ask for their parents to split up’.m

In that case why don’t you suggest DSD’s father make himself late to work by ensuring his dd gets to school on time?

Treat her as her own?
My mum would have tried to get me up and if i didn't get up i would have been late for school and paid the price when i got there with detention or whatever the sanction is.
I was not mollycoddled. If mum said i had to be ready i was ready. There was no lift if i could not get my backside out of bed. And not a chance would she have made herself late for her own job.
The child is 15. Let her take responsibility

If you don’t chat, how do you communicate?
Sitting was for comfort. Stand if better. But if you don’t use a minimum of power to start a conversation, how do you move forward?