Aibu? it's not my responsibility to make sure teen DSD gets to school

Yet another loser father leaving the parenting of HIS child to the skivvy aupair second wife.

God love you.
He does nothing for any of his children in the morning but bullys you about how well you manage your shared children and HIS daughter.

He's a real loser.

Quitelikeit · Today 12:34

Strictly speaking it is not your problem- however I assume due to timings you knew she would be late without a lift?
Im assuming this lift would not have made you late for work as surely your own husband would not have expected you both to be late?
If you have a child living under your roof part time I don’t think you can realistically absolve yourself of all responsibility for that child

How is OP absolving herself of all responsibility for that child, her 15yo DSD? OP states dropping off DSD would make her late for work. She also states she knocked for DSD twice, while getting a 2yo and a 4yo, one of whom was tantrumming, getting ready and getting out the door with them herself.

DH swans off to work early leaving OP to do everything for his three children and still get herself to work on time. Both DH and DSD are more than old enough to take some responsibility and play their part in the morning routine.

Then he'll be late. They can join the army at 16 so I'm pretty sure they can handle getting to school at 14.

It's clearly not on if OP is responsible for getting 4 people up and out and DH only responsible for one.

The obvious division of responsibility would be DH gets the teen up before he goes and OP responsible for the little ones.

Is her dad making sure she is going to bed early enough?

All children (although she isn't a child), step or otherwise, need to start learning a bit of personal responsibility as they grow up. 15 is plenty old enough for that.

What about all the bio parents on this thread saying their 15yos are expected to get themselves up and ready for school? Do you think they're saying 'my kid but not my problem'?

Just because they've argued about this this morning doesn't mean they haven't argued about it before or it hasn't happened before. Again, OP says ‘I always feel like H just leaves her to me in the morning. He goes off to work and I'm the one left to make sure she's got up’

This is a recurrent theme so OP needs to have boundaries. Giving DSD a lift just because she didn't want to get up would have been a terrible idea.

It’s not weird it’s fact.
She did act like it but trying to wake her up twice.
If she’s too lazy to get up then her dad needs to start calling her to wake her up.

As step mother she has no parental rights.

The DH has the responsibility here, not the OP who is also dealing with two young children and getitng to her own job. At 15 the DSD also has responsibility for herself. Perhaps if she gets a late detention she will set the alarm next time.

"Be kind", the usual instruction to women to put themselves second to everyone else, is covered by the OP taking the time to notice she is still in bed and go up to wake her twice.

and your view is
'not my kid not my problem'

You are the one who said OP isn't bio.

Your views are very black and white. The home is both OP's and her DH's. He absolutely should be able to have his DSD live with him or stay with him. What he doesn't get to do is co-opt OP into being default parent for his child.

Tell your DH to stop being a twat and he can ring his own dd to wake her up if he won’t be there.

Oh for goodness sake . The op says it was a fight, indicating first event, no other information to indicate it is ongoing repetitive occurrence. Being late on a single occasion is fine unless we are about to have the drip feed of a millennium.

Well my 14 year old does…. So don’t talk nonsense.

Very true.

adoptive parents are the bio parent, neither are foster carers, surrogacy isn't always bio.
if you dont want to look after a child dont allow them into your home.
ive just stated that the guardian in the house should be supportive/caring/helpful.

You can communicate in a lot of different ways and chatting is hopefully at the top of that list. But the phrase “sitting [someone] down to discuss” is normally used to indicate that you are insisting on a conversation - and that’s the issue. (I’m with you that the sitting is not important - I don’t think either of us have implied that it is).

Sitting someone down is something someone with power does to someone with less power. You don’t sit your boss down for a chat, they sit you down. No puipl sits their teacher down for a chat, that works the other way.

The infantilising bit of “sitting [someone] down to discuss” is the assumption that it’s your place to tell someone else how they ought to be dealing with/doing something. It isn’t a conversation of equals, it’s you insisting that someone else talk to you about something and you assuming that it’s your any of your business.

Respectful would be assuming they have autonomy and will adress their getting up late if they want to. Respectful would be offering help if they are interested. Not using power, however minimal, to push them into a conversation about it.

Yes, exactly, OP isn't the bio mum. She does not have parental rights.

OP works too. You seem to repeatedly prioritise the DH's work over OPs.

step parent is just the term to mean she isn't the bio mum.
if she doesnt want to care for the child dont allow her into the home knowing full well when her DH works.
she's a child in the house, OP is the parent/guardian.
its not an absurd view to think OP could be supportive in getting a child ready. im not saying bathe and dress them. im not suggesting OP make her a full English each morning with fresh OJ.

At 15 she should be responsible for getting herself to school, YANBU.

known

Yes, exactly, the step-parent, not the parent.

She's a 15yo school kid. If she's late she's late. Does anyone care? Does she get detention. I'm getting old but I would not give that a second thought. Mind you I wagged so much it was well kown by the teachers, they let me be as I was always top of the of the class. 15 minutes - geez at least she turned up . Tell her to say she twisted her ankle, and make her hobble all day.

OP literally says she would have been late to work had she dropped DSD to school.

Do you think employers like employees being late to work?

step parent