Aibu? it's not my responsibility to make sure teen DSD gets to school

Which was exactly my (self-explanatory, I thought?) point:

Are you saying it’s not your responsibility as she’s 15 and should be doing it herself, or because she’s not your child? If the former, then YANBU.

Which, I think, is also your point?

The stepdaughter thing is a red herring IMO. What would the approach be for any form of daughter??

As soon as I went to secondary school I was in charge of getting myself to school. There was one train every hour and if I missed it I had to wait for the next one and be an hour late for school and deal with any consequences. In 5 years at that school I was never late because I missed the train.

Yes, there were some days that I was cutting it fine and had to be shouted at by my parents to get up and out, but I knew it was my responsibility to get up and get out. If I'd been late, it would have been my own fault, not my Mum's, who was busy wrangling younger children out the door.

OPs DSD should have learned a valuable lesson in getting up when she should, but if her DF has said to her what he's said to OP, all she'll have learned is that it wasn't her fault and someone else is responsible for her own actions and/or Daddy will defend her, even if she doesn't deserve it.

I see it all too often nowadays - kids being told off for doing something wrong and the parents getting offended that someone dared to tell their children off, rather than backing them up or giving the child additional consequences at home.

I have the misfortune of working with some people like that and they are no better as adults. Never admit when they're wrong, never apologise when their mistakes are pointed out in black and white and see any form of constructive criticism as just criticism.

It doesn't matter if it was OP's DD or DSD - she should learn that there are consequences to her own actions!

Taking her to school likely would have made you late for work. Your DH needs to ensure she's up before he leaves.

I was with you until you said a detour is 5/10 minutes! I think you’re being mean. I’m sure you’d take your own kids at 15.

I read your post as implying if said teen was her own daughter she would have taken her to school
Have I got that wrong? Please enlighten me
The fact that child is a step child in my eyes is irrelevant. She needs to learn responsibility. Adult tried twice to get her up.

Brilliant

I completely disagree I have a very independent 16 son. An absolute blessing. No way would be comfortable with any army considering it appropriate to join

We know the adult brain forms at c. 22-25. Science has taught us that no 18 is not the magic age. Our young people would be in secondary here, final exams at 18. On to university or apprenticeships and reach work ready at 22.

I don't care if others finished school at 15. All research shows that age improves engagement with life. We life longer we should ensure we live better!

She needs one of these for Christmas

www.instagram.com/reel/DDmSL3POl8A/?igsh=NDVmZXN3bXV5cWlh

I think this is wild, because surely sometimes people help others as adults?

It would have been unreasonable NOT to try and wake her up. But you did (twice) so I would say you were ok.

Maybe it would be nice to drop her off to school but that’s a “nice to have” not a “must have” - I don’t think you did anything wrong.

You have definitely misread my post.

i have teen DSC in addition to younger DC with my husband. I don’t think this is a step parent/ parent responsibility division. This is just about parenting teens instead of sheltering them from every responsibility and consequence.

Your step daughter knows she needs to set an alarm and get up. She didn’t. She was then woken by the adult in the house (a reasonable support for a teen) but she went back to sleep. You woke her again to make sure she didn’t end up missing half the day, but the appropriate natural consequences for a teen ignoring both an alarm and a personal wake-up is being late for school and dealing with whatever sanction school rules impose for that.

So no, you shouldn’t have driven DSD in to make sure she didn’t face any consequences for her choices and if your DH had been the one home he shouldn’t have either.

I haven't
It is in response to the part where you said she should be treated as her own.
My mum would not have taken me if i had had two reminders to get up

Appreciate it’s very annoying and she is old enough to manage her own time. You also don’t want to encourage her to be late to get a lift - your husband definitely shouldn’t be having a go at you about it.

I do wonder if she was your DD and not DSD would you have taken her in or not?

Would he have had a go at you about her being late still then too?

Would you have taken her if she was your daughter?

We all oversleep, I can remember once when I accidentally woke up at 8:25. I had to leave for work at 7:25. Total balls up, my own fault, I forgot to set an alarm.

My mum took me to work, because it happens. I personally would've taken her.

I think it's the opposite - some people seem to be saying OP should be dropping DSD because she's a step-daughter, to make it up to her for her parents not being together.

I think you’ve misread my post.

How can he take her to school when he leaves for work at 7?

At 15 its up to her to get to school but I wouldn't not do it purely because she was a step daughter

How will she learn any responsibility parents and step parents run round after her.
Would you make yourself late for work because your daughter couldn't get out of bed? How would that go down with your manager? Imagine having an appointment with someone as a client and you're there on time but they're 20 minutes late because their teen was too lazy to get out of bed.
Step daughter or bio daughter she needs to learn! She's 15 not 5

Look him dead in the eye and tell him that the solution to his 15 year old being late for school lies with the 15 year old and her parents. If he wants to discuss this matter further, he needs to take this up with his DD and his DD’s mother.

I voted YABU but I think I may have misinterpreted your point. Are you saying it’s not your responsibility as she’s 15 and should be doing it herself, or because she’s not your child? If the former, then YANBU. But if it’s because she’s “only” your SDD, YABU and should be treating SDCs as you would your own when they’re staying with you.

100% YANBU. How will she learn that her actions have consequences if she doesn't face those consequences. You sleep in, you're late to school. She has to learn the hard way that there won't always be someone around as a backup. Your husband has to stop pandering to her, she's not a little girl anymore.

15 yo’s are more than capable of getting up for school.

16 yo’s are more than capable of joining the army.

People are so keen to baby teens now. This is why so many of them just cannot function as adults when they’re 18

Do you not think DSD should be held accountable for her actions(or in this case, inaction)? She is either in Y10 or 11. Soon she will be leaving school and heading off to either work or college, which she will need to be on time for.

@schoolpop tried to get her to get up twice and had to get herself and her two small children ready. Why should OP be late for work?

That is a disgrace, allowing 16 year old join. They are still kids! Why is everyone in such a rush to push teens to adulthood, they likely will live 20+ years longer when these rules were made they really need a rethink about value of youth in society.

We know that the brain is still developing thankfully we don't accept people here until at least 18+.