Aibu? it's not my responsibility to make sure teen DSD gets to school

Any chance you could change your hours - even if it's just for a month or two so that your DH has to get his kids up and out in the morning instead of it falling to you?

Perhaps if he was aware of the issues that the parent with the kids faces trying to get them ready in the morning, he wouldn't come out with such shite comments about it being your responsibility to get a stepchild out of bed and to school all while trying to get yourself to work too.

He's a bit of a gobshite isn't he?

I wouldn't get any of my teens up. I occasionally them give them a knock. But that is very much it. Important for independence.

If my child overslept, I would go to the inconvenience of a 5-10 minute detour to give them a lift. It’s hardly a massive favour. Therefore I would do the same for a step DC.

If being late was a regular issue (assuming no additional needs), then I wouldn’t unless there was a genuine reason for being tired on that occasion eg a late night for a school event or insomnia.

You already do his 50% share of the morning responsibilities for his kids with you. Why should the 100% of his responsibility to his other child also fall to you?

I'm responding to your view that a 15 year old might find it particularly difficult to get up. I'm saying, so what really? It's tough. Our world is set up in a way that makes it necessary that we get up whether we want to or not. Teenagers aren't exceptions that justify the OP having to facilitate her.

Is this a frequent occurrence or was it a one-off?
If she oversleeps a lot I can understand it can get annoying.
However if it’s a one off I wonder if you treat her in the same way as you would your DH if he overslept? You are expecting adult behaviour from a teenager (whose brain is partially re-wiring and whose circadian rhythm has temporarily shifted) so obviously she gets the same respect as an adult too.
If adult behaviour is expected from her perhaps you and DH could sit down with her hand have a conversation giving her the same respect you would to an adult and work out a way forward.
If that doesn’t seem to fit the situation maybe the issue isn’t with her oversleeping but something else which is going on that you’re uncomfortable with.

You told her to get up twice whilst getting yourself and two small children (one of whom is a toddler) out of the house. If that's not good enough for your dh then he needs to start pulling his weight in the mornings and get the kids up and ready for the day before he leaves for work.

My 15 year old has no problem getting himself up and ready. My 17 year old can be more problematic - which is why he is getting a particularly annoying alarm clock for Christmas - but he would only need one reminder to get up.

Definitely not your problem. She could get up at the time you DH leaves, so if anyone needs to get her up it should be him.

Not sure why my comment illicited such a reaction tbh.

Me too. We’re a team in our family, whether it’s our children or stepchildren involved. The child should have got up when she was first knocked on though. If you’re struggling as a teenager to get yourself up and to school it doesn’t show much independence and self reliance.

Husband is saying when I knew she'd got up late I should have taken her in, I am saying it's not up to me to make sure his DD is in school on time, it's his job, he needs to ensure she's set her alarm and if needs be, wake her up when he leaves. I have enough on already, I did try and wake her up twice but I'm not fussing around a 15 year old in the morning as well as two young kids whilst he swans off to work

No its his job to ensure his child gets to school on time. You called for a twice and chased her to get up but if he wants more than that he needs to pay for a taxi service or take responsibility for his own child.

Does he not share taking the younger children out in the mornings or are you just his default child manager every day?

You got her up.

She presumably usually gets herself to school and has her own key?

Maybe if your husband is so worried he can get her up before he leaves then he knows she is up.

I wouldn't be dropping her off if you live in walking distance of her school and it would have made you late.

God knows I've done enough shouting at teens to get ready in my time.

A lot of people find it easier to get up than others. For those who don't find it easy, well that's unfortunate, isn't it? We all have to get up in the morning and get to where we need to be on time, and healthy teens just have to force themselves like everyone else or face the consequences. If people want to treat teenagers as extra special people to whom rules don't apply then they're welcome to. But they shouldn't expect their partners to do it for them.

Would dropping her off have made you late for work?

They won't be once they are 14 I'm afraid....

If your H thinks a 15 year old should be dropped off at school on the days she can't be bothered to get up on time, then he needs to adjust his own day to do that. Because had you stepped in and prevented consequences for her, it would be the first of a pattern. If your H thinks that would be OK, then he knows what to do.

10 year olds can actually find it easier to get up than teenagers.

Assuming there aren’t special needs involved then 15 is well old enough to be completely responsible for getting themselves to school. If she’s late then she bears the consequences and learns from them. Beyond ensuring she has the tools to be on time (food in the house, access to an alarm, bathroom availability) you have no responsibility at all for her lateness and parents or step parents babying her isn’t going to help her become a competent adult. I might think differently if a long haul flight or vital medical appointment was on the line, but being a few minutes late for school (and presumably therefore getting a detention or similar) is not some major disaster she needs saving from. Obviously if it’s a regular problem then her Dad needs to work with her to figure out how she manages her time.

I am saying it's not up to me to make sure his DD is in school on time, it's his job

It’s no one’s job but the daughter’s herself.

As long as she has a key so she can lock the door if she’s the last one to leave. She’s old enough to get ready and walk to school by herself so she’s old enough to get herself up in the morning.

Not yours or your DH’s problem.

My 10 year old can do this. Not your problem

I leave the house an hour before my 15 and 17 year olds. I make sure they are up and I do leave them breakfast out, but otherwise it's up to them! It's no different here; they do need to learn to take responsibility and be independent. You won't be waking them when they're at uni/first job!

So from tomorrow he can make sure that she is up and downstairs at 7 when he leaves.

consequence of her lateness is the earlier start?

It's at the time of year where they are wrecked so if it was my 16 year old who is very independent and helpful, I would have bundled them in the car and dropped them off.

Teens are running to a schedule that is not their biological clock. That's medical fact. So I would give a little.

I didn't vote because it isn't your job but having a great teen who very seldom drops the ball I know he would be very appreciative.

I'd drop her as a one off, as a kindness, but make it clear that's what it was. Many teenagers do struggle to get up, and it's often not laziness. I appreciate you feel a bit taken for granted though - can OH do anything to help before he leaves?

She’s 15! Surely even at her mums she gets up and gets to school herself. Your DH is being an idiot. He should have ensured her alarm was set - several alarms if she’s a typical teen..