Trigger warning. To think I probably was abused but I can’t say anything now to family

I have a similar dream / memory concerning a neighbour, and I think you need to make peace with not being sure. You aren't sure. You can't take an accusation back. You can't prove something you don't know happened.

Your seizures may be a sign of distress, certainly. Would knowing for sure about this necessarily help you, even if possible.

Maybe it would help to think of the memory / dream / event in itself as a legitimate source or result of distress and work from there? You have a supportive partner it seems and some access to therapy. Might it be useful to reframe this?

But OP says she isn't clear when the memory developed. It may not have been until her teens., I've defo had some disturbing dreams that I still remember decades later.

OP I had similar experiences to you (an older family member, also in a bathroom in the family home oddly enough) my recollection of it was very vague and almost dream like. I was dissociating while it happened, so if you asked me to explain it (even now as an adult) it felt like I was out of my own body and looking down on my self and this person. It's a very odd sensation, and difficult to explain as it doesn't feel real, even though it absolutely happened.

I have never spoken to family about it, it came out years later that he had abused many girls in our family and all the adults knew what he was doing, thankfully he is now dead so he cannot hurt anyone else. Take this at your own pace, and do what feels best for you. Maybe have a read up on dissociation and see if that fits how you feel about your experience.

I think it would be a mistake to assume the non epileptic seizures are evidence of childhood sexual abuse. They may have their origin in traumatic events but there's no reason it could be only that category of traumatic events. I would focus on seeking treatment and support and not let this become the particular rabbit hole to get lost in.

Absolutely honestly? Leave it. You are so uncertain if this is even a memory, if it happened at all. I don’t know about the causes of non-epileptic seizures but I’d be surprised if they are exclusively caused by child trauma. Could be any number of things. You don’t give too much additional context about your brother (age differences, if the home environment was generally happy/safe etc.) If your brother generally makes you feel safe/ok I’d be inclined to let things lie.

You were so young op. In my own mind I cannot see you have imagined this. The main thing is the support and belief of your partner.

This is something huge op and you need to focus on protecting yourself and how you would cope if your family turned on you.

Hypnotherapy is linked to false memory syndrome and should never be used in cases like the OPs.
@Redgreenred10 which medical professional told you that your seizures could be caused by abuse? The only type of injury/abuse that I've heard of that can cause seizures is the type that involves repeated head trauma

Memories aren't stored in a filling cabinet for review though. They are complex and not always accurate. The mind is highly suggestible and there's a lot of history on how pernicious this kind of therapy can be.

OP I would be very careful on how you proceed and leave this to highly trained professionals if you want to look into this further.

OP said brother was 11 years older (not aged 11) suggesting he was approx 17 when she was 6.

Repressed memories are very normal with childhood abuse.

OP, I was abused as a child, it started (as far as I know) when I was about 3, so my memory of much of it is very patchy. I've never told my family (they blamed me at the time for getting so much of his attention, so i dont trust that they wouldnt blame me still now), but I did cut off my abuser and haven't seen him in 25 years.

Do you have any other typical behaviours associated with childhood abuse?

Agreed on regression hypnosis.

What treatment are you receiving, OP? The specialists who linked your seizures to CSA, what did they advocate as a treatment path?

I’m having good results with a somatic therapist, but while I have some lingering conditions (disordered eating, a tendency to dissociate from my body, chronic insomnia) which are possibly related to my own CSA, it’s nothing like your seizures.

But OP doesn't even remember when she first started "remembering" this incident. It may well be that she only imagined it when she was much older.

Please ignore the posters recommending hypnotherapy for this. Regression hypnosis is utter snake oil. Memory by nature is reconstructive.

A very difficult situation you’re in here so I feel for you.

if you have no other memories of these situations happening with your brother I would quite possibly lean towards letting it lie.

if you can’t quite be certain from this one vague memory/vision and you have no other situations that you remember this could quite possibly have been a seed planted by psychologists etc that has grown in your mind.

the fact that you don’t remember any other situations with your brother leans towards there not being ongoing abuse.

you wouldn’t be wrong for bringing it up but you need to think carefully about what it could do to your life and your relationship with family members.

this doesn’t make your feelings invalid and I would still suggest you talk to a rape or SA charity about the situation.

Edit: misread non epileptic as epileptic.

The problem with confronting your brother is that either this didn't happen, in which case he'll have no idea what you are talking about and it may damage your relationship; or else it did happen and he's had decades of denying it so its very unlikely he'll own up to it.

IMO, confronting doesn't end the way you think it will. By pinning your hopes on confronting and getting an apology to solve this mystery, you create a need in yourself that can't be met.
It does sound like you are developing PTSD over this memory/fantasy, and CBT plus EMDR therapy might be a better way to deal with it.

I had no idea that childhood abuse could cause seizures. However I googled and there is some evidence to suggest it does. Not just sexual abuse, emotional etc abuse too.

Could a one off incident like that be enough to trigger the seizures though? Could it be there was other emotional or physical abuse from him or other family/friends if the family too? Or maybe there isn't anything else. Just that weird one off incident.

Although how did an 11 year old boy know about sex? Was this in the days before or after the internet and did he have access to it? Could he have been being abused too by someone else?

There could be nothing or a massive can of worms in here.

Maybe hypnotherapy would release the repressed memories. Maybe there arent any more. Maybe lots. Who knows.

Take your time before you decide to do anything. If you turn round and ask him he'd prob deny it. And fall out with you.

This sounds like a terrible position for you to be in, I can’t imagine how you must feel but I don’t see how you can say anything if you aren’t totally sure that it happened.

I am really concerned by some of the posts on this thread. OP, do you have a local rape and sexual abuse center where you could access a safe space to speak about this? You don't have tp be certain that it happened, and you may never be. But I think it would be good for you to have a safe space to talk it through.

I’d advise this: close your eyes and really try to think about how your brother made you feel as a child. Unsafe? Safe? Investigate that feeling and where it goes you.

I'd defo try hypnotherapy or some kind of counseling to try and unpick it. I defo have memories that I'm not sure are dreams and I've also dreamed stuff and thought it was real - e.g. thought I'd done something and I hadn't. Imagine if your brother is totally innocent!

This...... there are ao many reasons i doubt a real doctor would suggest this. Everyone has childhood trauma in one way or another. Dog dies, grandmother terminally ill. Its unethical to suggest abuse

Ps: my grandad once groped me when I was around 9. It happened only once, but the memory is as clear as day. No doubt in my mind it happened. I also have clear memories of him just being a bit weird with me, just too loving somehow, and that I felt unsafe. But that’s the only time something physical happened. I’ve never spoken to anyone about it. In fact this is the first time I share it with anyone! I’ve just always known it happend and sometimes I wonder if he did simiratuff to my mum. But she loved him dearly. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. The thing is now he’s dead and for me to bring that up now would only cause heartache. But also, so as instead it.

dont know if it helps you at all.

just to say I’m certain it happened.

I have hazy memories of sexual fantasies I had as a preteen about boys I fancied, some almost feel real as I’m sure I had them on repeat, lol, but I know for sure they were just fantasies.

I'm sorry it does sound very specific to be imagination - I am wondering if hypnotherapy might help. We have a GP who trained in it - it would have to be with someone you felt had a lot of experience I think.

I think we all had 'fantasies ' when we are young. Something seen on tv and we are curious. If nothing ever happened after it seems unlikely ans could have been a dreamir a fantasy (in the truest meaning)

Oral sex would be an unusual thing for a child to imagine, wouldn’t it, without there having been some sort of catalyst?