Trigger warning. To think I probably was abused but I can’t say anything now to family

I'm really surprised they are insisting it is sexual abuse. I know people with diagnoses of NES who have never had this suggested. I would ask what research has been done on this.

For PTSD people have suggested REM therapy but never tried it myself. Lots of people are saying it really good incase you want another route to look at

This could be a true memory. But there's also a lot of evidence of psychologists "planting" memories in vulnerable patients.

For example, there's been studies where if a psychologist suggests someone experienced sexual abuse, for example, 50% will invent a false memory to suit this. Also experiments where they plant a false image of a child and the adult then fabricates an entire, complicated memory they believe the photo is about that never existed.

All that is to say, I'd be wary of any "new" memories that have appeared recently.

Did you have this memory before you started seeing specialists - or did it appear after speaking to them?

Look into psychologists planting childhood memories - it's absolutely fascinating. All this is to say I don't necessarily think you weren't abused - but I'd think about when the memory first occured, read up about how memory works, and try to work it out before approaching your brother and family

Being badly bullied at school is bad enough trauma to cause PTSD.

I don’t think you should raise this with your family unless you’re confident it happened.

You really need to unpick this with a very good therapist (not a hypnotherapist).

I hope you find some answers.

My thoughts exactly ^^

And I certainly wouldn't go to a Hypnotherapist, anyone can call themselves a hypnotherapist after a weekend course.

If you think you would benefit from therapy I suggest you contact your GP and ask for a referral to a suitably qualified therapist. They should be able to guide you in the right direction.

NES can be triggered by abuse - or by any stress or many other things. There is a clear lonk between functional seizures and stress / anxiety, but beyond that it is a diagnosis of exception. If it isn't epilepsy it's NES.

OP, I would be surpised - and actually very concerned - if multiple (or any) specialists were telling you that sexual abuse was the main or likely cause. They can't possibly know that unless there is a clear history of abuse, and even then that does not mean it is definitely the cause. Perversely, your worrying about being abused and having no memory of abuse could be the cause! The stress can be a historical trauma or a current one. Or both. Nobody knows.

In the absnece of any other memories or evidence, I would suggest that you don't raise it with family; but I think it could be useful to consider whether therapy can help you to explore your feelings and your circumstances, and help you to alleviate the clear stress that you are under. Learning coping mechanisms may help to reduce or eliminate the attacks - it certainly can't do any harm.

And by that I definitely DO NOT mean hypnotherapy or any type of regression therapy. My best friend's elder sister ended up having regression therapy because of difficult family circumstances - absolutely nothing to do with abuse. Within six months she "recalled" her father sexually abusing her with vivid detail and facts. Regrettably her memories were largely impossible - and I really do mean impossible, with verifiable alternative details and facts recalled by more than one other person. Following her "therapy" she became estranged from her entire family and literally adrift, never being able to settle or move on. These therapies are terribly dangerous.

Someone very close to me had non-epileptic seizures / dissociative episodes which were absolutely due to childhood sexual abuse by her older brother (she was aged 3-9). Years of hard work in Intensive therapy have just about eliminated them, although this trauma and this mental illness will always be with her.

Indeed, this type of hypnotherapy has sometimes resulted in false memories, tearing families apart. Not always, of course, but I'd tread carefully.

I've already posted a warning about regression hypnosis. Dangerous nonsense. Your therapist was misinformed to suggest it.

I can’t imagine you would dream this at such a young age. If you dreamt it older than that you would know it was a dream, and dreams fade. I’ve had dreams that were like the basis of films, but I couldn’t even tell you what they were vaguely about now.

Due to something with myself, a therapist asked me if I had ever been abused in that way. She said there was a form of hypnotherapy that I could have had that might have revealed if, but I chose not to do it.

Maybe you should look into that, if you want to know.

First things first, you may have epilepsy and the abuse is just a red herring. That is something to consider.

On my DP side of the family, there was a case of sibling on sibling sexual abuse, all minors, and the perpetrator had an intervention with psychological counselling to learn about safe touching etc.

Another fairly distant member of the family was in fact definitely sexually abused as a child, and did have febrile seizures. There could have been a connection, but it would be impossible to say. They no longer have epilepsy.

I don’t think it would be likely a false memory, but it’s a tricky one as to whether to bring this one up. You sound like you’ve suffered a lot, but bringing this up could also have a lot of negative repercussions.

the specialist did say none epileptic seizures are usually a response to trauma especially abuse from a family member. I was also bullied badly at school so that could be a trigger.

I'm surprised a specialist said that - i'm not doubting you btw. IME medical issues are never as cut and dried as that because the reality is they don't know why issues are caused.

I think given you aren't even sure if this happened it would be a difficult thing to bring up. Could you bring it up with him in a way that didn't accuse him maybe say you think it was a family member and judge how he reacts then go from there?

I think you need to ask him if this happened. His reaction will hopefully tell you if it did or not.

In any case, I think you need to minimise contact with him and not have him around your kids (if you have kids).

One more thing...about other posts on this thread. There have been several with the knee jerk reaction 'it's probably a dream/ we all have dreams/I was an imaginative child' I haven't quoted specific posters, but please recognise that this is unhelpful. The OP, like many victims of childhood abuse is tormented by doubt. Adding to it undermines experience, adding to the trauma. If the OP cannot be sure, no-one here can know. Adding to her doubt will not enable her to 'move on'.

It may be well-meaning but IME it comes from a place where people do not want to accept the trauma others may experience. Its hard for them so they deny our experience. In turn we're forced to deny our own experience for the comfort of others. It's a very lonely life. See also any thread on racism, it's the same thing, trauma met with denial. It's all in our minds etc etc. Society gaslights us and we come to believe that it is us.

That's a good point.

Maybe you can give yourself a little more breathing space by seeing your brother less often. Give it time. Know that you have control over this yourself, at least.

And know that it's not brushing it under the carpet. It's dealing with what you're going through.

As pp says, you may never know for sure. You need to start to prepare a life you can live well without knowing for sure. Very hard place to be.

One more thing, OP - a book called The Body Keeps the Score. You may have it already. It's about precisely this so might be worthwhile if you haven't already read it.

OP I had several years of non epileptic seizures for similar reasons. You need to give up on the idea of 'knowing,' you will likely never know in the way that you want. But you do have to accept what you do know which is a suspicion, or possibly a likelihood. It's on this basis that you have to move forward. It's not the black and white of confront or don't confront. Honestly, I can't see that any good will come from confronting your brother or disclosing to parents. But that's not to deny what happened or to pretend nothing happened. You need to base your future not on what you can 'prove' but on what you know and what you know is a deeply held suspicion which is manifesting in a physical way. You can look after yourself, distance yourself, whatever you need to do but it's about you. It doesn't have to be public or dramatic, just a gentle acceptance of what is going on and acting accordingly. Being around your brother and 'normality' will continue to undermine what your own body and mind is telling you. This is dissonance is very unsettling.

You can be pleasant but give yourself as much distance as you need. Over time that distance might increase. Space might give you more certainty but don't pin your hopes on that because it may never come but give yourself space to live with the uncertainty.

My brother abused me in almost an identical way, but it happened a handful of times. I was 6, he was 11. I've never spoken to anyone about it and like you we talk/have a (albeit distant) relationship.

My main concern is whether his DC are ok. Did he continue abusing people? His DC are boys so I hope that reduces that likelihood and he was a child too at the time. I can't say for sure though and that worries me.

OP

Personally I have no experience of anything similar, no mixing up of dreams vs reality of my childhood, so i can't empathise exactly on that aspect. (although i was a very imaginative kid! I had a whole world in my head and a story line running daily)(only child!)

I can however see the situation from a cold outside point of view and think that if you aren't sure, and until you are sure, i would strongly advise against bringing it out into the family.

For your own sake as much as anyone's.

Once it's out you can't unsay it. Make no mistake, it will be like a bomb dropping.

This is not something everyone can laugh and forget about if you decide in a year or two that the probability is that it's a false memory.

I'm not saying for one moment that if you were sure you should say nothing just to keep the status quo. Not at all. But you're not sure and i think you could irreparably damage your own life and that of your bother if you speak out and are wrong.

Talk about it as much as you can to people who can help you.

When you talk about it do you remember more detail? Does talking about it make it feel more or less real?

Similar to you, I have a very distressing hazy memory. I have had to decide to leave it (I don't see the family member) as I can't 100%, say it happened. It's impacted on my life though and I'm very uncomfortable with the thoughts and feelings it brings. I haven't had counselling for this specifically as I can't see how it would help.

Yes I agree, however would depend on the age of op when this ‘memory’ came to her. Also did it come about after being told that her seizures could be the result of sexual assault so her mind has been in overdrive and possibly caused her to dream something that may or may not have happened.

This is very difficult OP. I think even if you decide not to take this further it’s obviously going to torment you. Have you thought about getting some counselling to help you process this and manage your relationships with family going forward?