Men who quit their jobs to avoid CM payments...

I think a lot of them are self-employed and probably scamming the taxman as well.

If it were up to me, a sudden big change of circumstance seemingly to avoid CMS payments would trigger a full HMRC tax investigation.

My exh has £150k in savings. I know this as we had to sell the house in the divorce and that was his share. I informed CMS and they were not interested as they only count income not savings. He’s got plenty of money but he pleads poverty.

We badly need the UK to switch to this system. And to have a fixed amount that is payable (or accrues as debt) if the partner is not earning (whether they are earning cash in hand or felt a sudden urgent need to go back to university/ have a new child and become a SAHD)

There are lots of new female partners who complain constantly about the money and time their male partners give their previous children because they are desperate to have children with him cause 'the clocks ticking love'

They find a new and gullible partner who believes all their nonsense about an evil ex/their sudden calling to go back to university etc

I think some men are able to play on/manipulate whatever maternal Instinct a woman may have. They become like another child rather than a grown man.

I’m in Australia. A woman in a group I’m a member of had an XH who left the country to avoid paying CM. He returned after the kids had left school, thinking he was safe. He was stopped at the airport on the way in and hit with a bill for the total amount plus interest - in the hundreds of thousands. Passport seized and bank account frozen. Kids now have a house deposit each. Oh how we laughed!

@Dweetfidilove My X, quit his job got voluntary redundancy (big payout), set up a private business then went back to university and did a masters and PHD after. All the time claiming grants got NIL assessment and then when i could no longer claims earns a ton in his new career.

He pisses me off but is very creative and cleaver at same time.

My friend's ex simply left the country. He was from another country (in Europe), and when they split he quit his job to prevent her getting CMS, did a bit of freelance/cash in hand work for a while, then moved back home. No idea what he's doing now, she hasn't heard from him in years. I don't understand how a man who previously seemed like a fairly good dad could just abandon his children like that.

If you own your own house and have either savings or own a company (even self employed tradie) this is very easy to do.

I'm currently living off savings as due to an accident I can't work. My "income" is very low (interest on the savings) but I don't have to pay mortgage or rent so my savings aren't going down quickly as you might think.

The company might own the van and tools he uses. He doesn't have to pay himself much - he can leave the money in the company.

My Dad put his business in the OW's name with himself as an employee earning about £1k a month (early 80s). The 4 bedroom detached house, private school for my half brother and couple of luxury holidays a year would suggest they were doing rather better than he made out 🙄

Actually CMS have swathes of powers they could use.

The don’t use the powers they don’t need to go to court for remotely regularly enough.

They can also go to court for an even wider variety of things. There is simply no political will to use them.

when I did my training when I worked there I asked when we’d be trained on a couple of things that were missed (I knew about them as I’d had to use them with my ex). The trainer didn’t even know about them.

I know a few. They're all successful, driven, capable and attractive and could do so much better.

I think it's a funny phenomenon whereby a strong woman is very much in the mindset that she doesn't need a man to provide for her, but still so much wants to be "reasonable" and "fair" that she kind of walks into an exploitative situation. I know there are many men supporting women but I think it's very rare for the women not to be doing SOMETHING in return. They might be SAHMs or even just trophy wives/sugar babies but even then they are fulfilling the purpose the man wants. Obviously there are some excellent SAHDs but I do think it's more common, among couples who do this, for the kept man not to really be doing anything except letting the woman not be single.

We had builders a couple of years ago I sat raging listening to them talk about how they avoided paying CM by working cash in hand and putting everything in the new partner's name. I refused to pay cash for anything. He also kept telling me how terrible it was his ex took everything - realised she probably didn't have to as he had most likely put it all in her name to avoid paying a previous ex or dodging tax.

Same way any family unit decides it’s financially “better” for one of them to be SAHP. It will be a combination of not paying CMS and receiving benefits. It’s low aspiration and in the long term it creates a poverty trap unless you are using the time to get qualifications.

The truth is that the CMS doesn't have any teeth and there isn't the legal backing to take people to court for non payment. That could be changed. In some countries no child maintenance/arrears = no driving license or no passport - things that really affect the defaulting parent.

My exes new wife actively helped him avoid CMS when he could. With her encouragement she he cut down time with out girls to the minimum and expected me to pay for their train travel to visit him.

Then she was genuinely surprised when he did the same after they split up because he’d told her she was different…

SE people can also set up Ltd companies and pay themselves the minimum, to reduce maintenance to a pittance. People will say that they can have the CMS investigate dividends etc but in reality, this take years and mostly goes nowhere.

There are a lot of women who don’t realise soon enough that the charming manipulative guy with the sob story about his awful ex is a feckless spiteful dud.