Men who quit their jobs to avoid CM payments...

@Dweetfidilove

Hope she leaves him and takes the lot! Would be no more than he deserves.

They stayed together until (her) death they did part, unfortunately. I was in touch with him for a short time in my late teens but established for myself that he's a twat and haven't spoken to him for 20 years now. Apparently he's been dramatically exclaiming regret and lamenting his choices to family since she shuffled off the mortal coil. Shame 🤷🏻‍♀️

The simple answer is then don’t let them live in your house. And pay half your bills (lots do move in but the proof threshold is joint liability). And then when you are ready for a marriage level of commitment, you can hitch your wagon.

I also have a friend whose ex was stopped at the airport returning to Australia. In this case he only owed 30k. He was British, maybe he was expecting the half arsed UK treatment so thought he was safe.

No because a) her point was that he was making enough money to pay, just not declaring it and b) where was the money to pay him back meant to come from, was she meant to un-feed her kids? Sell the clothes from their backs? Why is it her responsibility to pay for THEIR kids and not his?

I have read many posts here about men,
have to say that most men are selfish,
sorry for those good one.

I didn’t put in a claim until my teen decided they wanted to switch from 50/50 time to one night a week. The initial decision was a pretty small amount because ex was studying, only working part time, and was supporting his new wife’s child. His response to it was to quit his job and ask for it to be reassessed. Decision was amended to be £0. I can only assume he lives off savings, funding for study and his wife’s income.
Not long after that I noticed that my teen had stopped asking me for certain things. I was worried they were concerned that I couldn’t afford it, so reassured them that they should always tell me what they needed. “Nah Mum, it’s okay. I started asking Dad for more stuff cos it’s not like he pays for anything else.” I hadn’t told them this, their Dad had made reference to it in a woe is me style to try and get them onside. As a result their Dad ends up paying out more than he would have done if he had just paid the CMS amount. I probably shouldn’t be proud of my kid for the way they have gone about it, but after years of emotional abuse, coercion, manipulation and everything that was said and done to me when I plucked up the courage to leave their Dad all I can think is karma works in interesting ways (and that my kids (the other one has nothing to do with him) are more wise to his tactics than I give them credit for).

I’m not a fan of the de facto stuff unless the couple share children. I know plenty of home owning women who don’t want to marry their partners because they’d rather keep finances separate. If I wanted to share all of my assets I’d get married or put all money and property in joint names. I agree that it would protect children in some instances (where the man owns a house and his partner and children are left homeless when the relationship breaks down).

My ex is self employed and fiddles his books, I know he’s bringing home around £5k a month but his books say he’s earning £12k a year. I hope that pillock gets caught!

If they are allegedly on lower income, perhaps passports should be withdrawn until they revert to paying the amount previously, unless they can prove concrete evidence (say to the standard that would be admissible in a criminal trial). Even then perhaps have a minimum say two thirds.

I bet plenty of those referred to still have a holiday in Spain or somewhere sunny each summer.

Yeah, my friend’s manipulative ex was self-employed and under-declared his income to avoid paying tax and CM. That came back to bite him during Covid, as he then wasn’t entitled to any furlough payments. 🤣

I also have a friend who’s a self-employed cleaner. She told me that “obviously” she doesn’t declare all her income. Then she moaned that she can’t get a mortgage!

Might be worth reporting him to DWP

you should be able to request a variation from CMS but they’re shit at them and drag their heels a lot. Whereas if DWP remove the benefits then that should remove the protection of that, then they should life the SE amounts direct it from HMRC.

My ex started to claim CA for one of his step DC (his wife claimed for one, her sister claimed for the other previously) so he was on benefits but had no work commitments. He also works cash in hand and doesn't declare it. CMS think he earns less than £7 per week.

My exh has gone self employed and the CMS say he doesn't have to pay any maintenance because he's on benefits too. I have no idea how much he earns but presumably it would be easy enough for him just to not declare the money.

They don't check accounts, he has 100k in his bank account from me buying him out of the house, so he shouldn't be eligible for benefits at all.

As a single parent earning under the PAYE system I am expected to work 30 hours a week (which I am happy to) but it boggles my brain that there's no similar expectation on my exh, who has considerably more flexibility over when he can work.

My era. My grandparents brought me up.

The point is that the only reason it doesn’t currently count is because the government at the time, and every one since, have ignored it.

Rather than implementing a system whereby NRP’s are made to pay reliably so it could count as income.

Each time the system has been changed there has been zero effort into actually addressing the problem - non payers.

But it doesn’t anymore and it hasn’t for years so what’s the point in your post? We are talking about now, not in your grandparents era

My ex works as a volunteer in a business run by his uncle and cousin...his mum also works for them so I suspect she's on more pay than she should technically be as it's his and he lives out of her bank account.

No a SAHDs children can't live on thing air, they have to live on one income, which is exactly what they would have to do if they had a SAHM.

I think things like this prove (to me at least) that a large, probably significantly large number of men don't actually care for/about kids. I get the impression that many simply agree to have them because they have been 'badgered' into them by the woman they're with and then when things get hard, and the woman stops giving them attention, the rats jump ship.

It did used to affect benefit entitlement.

It only doesn’t count because of the huge debt that ended up being owed to the Sec of State under the last system. So many non-payers and the debt was ridiculous so it was decided something needed to be done. Which was that RP’s could keep all the money that so many of them weren’t going to get

Prior to that maintenance counted as income for benefits. My grandparents started every week £34 a week down as benefits counted the maintenance ny father was ordered to pay, but the then CSA didn’t actually collect any from him.

This will be at least part of the reason that the birth rate is dropping Women are fed up with this crap.

CMs isn’t taken into account so she would get the same amount of UC anyway. Iv never heard anyone say ‘hang on, I get CMS so pay me less UC’ 😂