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Original poster

If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

379 replies

Pekitothebunny · 16/12/2024 08:21

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

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OchreDog · 20/12/2024 06:43

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Ihateslugs · 19/12/2024 23:49

One of the reasons why I chose to help my son out when his marriage ended and he lost his job in the US are complicated and would take too long to explain. I went through some very difficult times when I was a SAHM to three children under the age of 5 in the 1980s when mortgage rates went up to 18% and we almost lost our house. I did as much as I could to help ( did a paper round pushing my toddlers with me, addressed enveloped for advertising companies and ran a small party planning business) but we were very grateful for help from our parents - my mum would drive 120 miles to visit and take me shopping to pay for a trolly load of food, my MIL volunteered at a charity shop and bought us children coats and clothes.

Now it’s my turn to pass it on to my children! My two children living in this country do not need my help as such, they have well paid jobs and enjoy a good life style but I enjoy giving them £2000 for their birthdays and Christmas from my surplus income ( within IHT laws!) so they can save or spend on extras. I worked hard once I returned to work, moving from a part time basic rate teacher to a full time Vice Principle and Local Authority Advisor on SEND issues. I paid off my mortgage, saved hard then took early retirement to care for my Mum with Alzheimer’s - no, I don’t want a medal, I loved her and wanted her to maintain her life at home as long as possible.

Keeping mum at home meant she did not need to sell her house or use up all her investments so me and my siblings ( who shared the caring role) inherited a decent amount. This is what I use to treat my children, continuing the loving support my mum have to her grandchildren. But if they needed more than the gifts I currently give them, I would not hesitate to try to find a way to help them by cashing in some of my investments or even by downsizing my house - I know that I could not sit here in comfort and watch them struggle with ill health or a financial crisis.

Can everyone do this? No, but I’m sure a lot of people would do what they could for the people they love.

Mill3nniel · 19/12/2024 19:07

It depends on the circumstances but assuming I could help and they weren't in that position because they'd been am asshole then I'd help

Arraminta · 19/12/2024 19:04

Yes, without a second's thought.

TheForestCalls · 19/12/2024 19:02

Pekitothebunny · 19/12/2024 15:28

I never said it was dire though. I think we do fine.. we don’t have a lot of spare income but it’s not dire. We have enough to own a home, car, pay the bills, put a bit away each month for savings, go to the cinema or meals etc now and again. The examples that I gave and the question that I asked was not whether people would fund their children’s lives. I was asking if people would help out in a situation where their DC were going through a hard time as a one off.

I have not once ever insinuated in this thread that I would ever want or expect my dad to give me money for basic things. There have just been two instances in my adult life where something has unfortunately happened where we didn’t have the money to cover it. One of those things ended up fine in the end, we paid the debt off relatively quickly. And the other time (now) we are saving up for. I don’t know why this means our situation is dire? Sometimes things like this happen in life, people come across hard times or a big expense. This isn’t unusual or abnormal. We pay for everything ourselves, aren’t in any debt, and have savings.

Kids have absolutely nothing to do with it. Something I hate about this site is you could post ANYTHING at all and someone will take one little comment that you said and make the whole thing about that. This has NOTHING to do with children. I mentioned the infertility thing because I explained that I had a conversation with my dad explaining what endo is and what the potential consequences are. I never said I want children right now. The question is very very simple. If you are a parent, would you help your adult children out if they suddenly find themsleves in a financially difficult situation? That’s the question. Stop making it about other things

Edited
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First off, I do help my children a lot, so I'm not against it.

Someone in the situation you describe here doesn't need help though. We all meet big or unexpected expenses, or go through hard times. Part of being adult is working it out and not expecting someone else to bail you out or pick it up for you, even if it's hard for a period of time. That's how we've lived our own adult lives anyway.

Of course I would and do help my children significantly, but it's not my place to stop them adulting in normal ways. I help my children due to some exceptional circumstances.

ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:37

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Original poster
Pekitothebunny · 19/12/2024 15:36

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I know 😔 for my car I only had third party insurance. But I paid for the new car myself, I wouldn’t have expected anyone else to help me with that as it was my own fault

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:34

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:34

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Original poster
Pekitothebunny · 19/12/2024 15:33

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Thanks for the advice…. I am doing that! I haven’t asked for advice on my current situation. Can I ask what is wrong with you?? You’re a strange person.

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:32

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Original poster
Pekitothebunny · 19/12/2024 15:32

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Because I have a relationship with my family and we talk about things including our lives, hopes, dreams, struggles, what’s going on currently etc…

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:31

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:29

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Original poster
Pekitothebunny · 19/12/2024 15:28

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I never said it was dire though. I think we do fine.. we don’t have a lot of spare income but it’s not dire. We have enough to own a home, car, pay the bills, put a bit away each month for savings, go to the cinema or meals etc now and again. The examples that I gave and the question that I asked was not whether people would fund their children’s lives. I was asking if people would help out in a situation where their DC were going through a hard time as a one off.

I have not once ever insinuated in this thread that I would ever want or expect my dad to give me money for basic things. There have just been two instances in my adult life where something has unfortunately happened where we didn’t have the money to cover it. One of those things ended up fine in the end, we paid the debt off relatively quickly. And the other time (now) we are saving up for. I don’t know why this means our situation is dire? Sometimes things like this happen in life, people come across hard times or a big expense. This isn’t unusual or abnormal. We pay for everything ourselves, aren’t in any debt, and have savings.

Kids have absolutely nothing to do with it. Something I hate about this site is you could post ANYTHING at all and someone will take one little comment that you said and make the whole thing about that. This has NOTHING to do with children. I mentioned the infertility thing because I explained that I had a conversation with my dad explaining what endo is and what the potential consequences are. I never said I want children right now. The question is very very simple. If you are a parent, would you help your adult children out if they suddenly find themsleves in a financially difficult situation? That’s the question. Stop making it about other things

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 19/12/2024 15:21

I only read a half of your updates up to £200 info but it’s enough.
Your dad is a big twat. Yes, money is his he is entitled to them but he is also selfish cold hearted mean twat, sorry.

I would give him his £200 back straight away, otherwise he would harass you for the end of your life saying that you owe him this and that. I don’t think that you should go no contact with him but as he doesn’t behave as loving and supportive parent you are free from obligation to behave as loving and supportive daughter.
And I wouldn’t meet him for drinks anymore at all, I would say that I’m saving.

ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:20

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:17

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Lentilweaver · 19/12/2024 15:13

She is not considering a baby now. She is worried about future fertility being affected because of endo.

ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:12

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ShyBlueDreamer · 19/12/2024 15:11

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Daisybuttercup12345 · 19/12/2024 09:40

Yes if I was able to.

QuickOpalOrca · 19/12/2024 09:18

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GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/12/2024 09:02

Yes, of course I would. I can’t understand parents who could afford to help, but don’t or won’t.

BIossomtoes · 19/12/2024 09:02

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Fortunately, it’s none of your business even if OP had even mentioned having a child - which she hasn’t.