3 day argument: Am I overreacting?

I don't think you wanted a conversation. I think you wanted to extend the argument.
Certainly you started this thread believing you were entirely in the right.

And if you can't sleep when he's on shift work you need to change your sleeping arrangements - sofa bed downstairs etc.
look for a practical workaround.

Maybe he has form for going into hiding because his wife has form for being unreasonable.

I'm obviously unreasonable to have been annoyed, that's very clear

Very very unreasonable

None of this would have happened if you hadn't been SO unreasonable

Stop blaming him for any of this

It's ALL on you this time

I think I would have gone into hiding too! Quite possibly he'd have been given a good telling off for standing up for himself and pointing out that he did as he was told.

I'm obviously unreasonable to have been annoyed, that's very clear - but he has form for just hiding rather than address things, so the festering is on both of us in this case.

Nope. You were fully in the wrong for getting angry and blaming him. You need to apologize and mend this. He is not equally at fault for not apologizing (since he did zero wrong) or trying to appease you in that time.

I think this is the straw that broke the camels back and there is a lot more going on here.

If he runs off to his parents every time you have a row - that’s completely unacceptable and I wouldn’t tolerate it one bit. He sounds very emotionally avoidant there.

But you really need to learn to give less of a fuck about him OP. If he goes out and freezes to death or can’t get a taxi home, that’s on him.

The fact you’re tracking him at all suggests there are trust issues at play here. I wouldn’t even dream of tracking my dh. Not that I need to - he never goes anywhere!

He got in late, did as he was told and slept on the sofa. You need to find another tracking app (or just stop tracking each other!!!)

If he's doing shifts that wake you, that's not his fault. Do you think he should find another job? Either wear ear plugs, sleep in another room, go to bed earlier yourself so if he wakes you early, it's not a big deal. But you seem so pissed off by him in general, that's why you can't just roll over and go to sleep. My DH is on call during the night so can be woken multiple times in the night. I just roll over and go back to sleep as I don't get worked up about it.

What exactly is he meant to address by the way? Are you seriously claiming if he tried to defend himself you'd have responded calmly and rationally and listened? It's certainly not coming across like that.

Are you really in your forties because you are behaving like a spoilt woman-child!

Its not his fault you woke up at 4 . He did as you asked & didn’t wake you up.

Ridiculous

Notice how you responded to the ONE person who called him a man child, and disregarded that everyone else pointed out how wrong you are.
It's no wonder he's hiding from you when you are this dramatic. It didn't need a conversation to begin with - he came in and didn't wake you, just like you asked. The wrong assumption that he wasn't in was all on you. The only conversation needed now is an apology from you for this controlling overreaction.

Did you sleep on the sofa on Friday?

One poster has declared he's a man child and that's the thing you choose to focus on rather than your own behaviour? Stop making excuses and stop treating badly. You have chosen 3 days of punishment for doing exactly what you told him to. I'd be buggering off to my parents too.

He’s had three days of intentional silent treatment for doing exactly as his spouse asked. I’d leave too. It’s not on him to make peace with OP or be her punching bag.

So based on your last update you've gone from "It's all his fault" to "It was my fault, but it's still his fault really".

Just apologise then.

I was assuming this was going to be a reverse. You are being completely unreasonable - he did what you asked. If you actually cared rather than just wanting to sulk then you’d have got up and done something about it and likely found him.

I randomly checked my son’s phone today. He let me have it when he went to Uni. I wish I hadn’t checked though as his phone showed it was in the River Thames. My anxiety shot through the roof. I checked again half an hour later and it was back on a normal street. I’ve vowed never to check again unless it’s an absolute necessity.

No wonder he’s hiding, you sound like an absolute dragon that treats him like he’s 7.

YABU. I absolutely don’t blame him for leaving & you owe a massive apology.

You needlessly wound yourself up over something after missing the most obvious step of checking the couch. It happens! We’re tired, we put too much trust in technology, and we’re not thinking clearly. But the mature, reasonable thing to do was laugh at yourself, recognize he did exactly as you said and move on. Instead you took zero accountability and have given your spouse the silent treatment for 3 days over absolutely nothing.

Shift work can be really hard on a household and often takes work and creativity from both spouses to make it work, but this sort of behavior and resentment from you is just piling toxicity onto a normal family challenge. After you’ve sincerely apologized for this weekend the two of you need to brainstorm as a team to figure out a better setup for sleeping & odd shifts.

You woke up at 4am off your own back so why are you mad at him?

I find it a bit odd to check a phone tracker but not go downstairs to have a look if he had come back.

But then I find tracking other people's phones a bit odd generally. I don't see the point at all.

It sounds like you want to police his social life. You asked him not to wake you he didn't and it's caused upset but if he had come up to bed and woke you I'm sure you would have been even more upset.
When you woke why didn't u just walk downstairs to see if he was on the sofa sering as that's exactly where you told him to sleep?

OP: Am I being unreasonable?
Everyone: Yes.
OP: No I'm not because...

Why bother asking?!