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Original poster

3 day argument: Am I overreacting?

229 replies

VolcanoPedalo · 15/12/2024 20:34

DH is going on 3 Xmas work nights out this year. (He recently changed teams and has been invited out with old colleagues as well as new ones).

His 2nd Xmas night out was on Thursday. I had a Very Important Meeting on Friday morning. He knew this. As he was leaving the house, I said that if he got really drunk and rolled home at 2 in the morning, not to wake me up and sleep on the sofa. He assured me he wouldn't be getting drunk and staying out late.

He got really drunk and stayed out till 2am.

To be fair, he didn't wake me up when he got in. But I did wake up at 4am and saw he wasn't in bed. I checked the family tracker app and it showed that he was still out in the nearby city where he'd gone for the evening. I was worried - it was 4am - so I called him. No reply. Lay there worrying until 7am when DD woke up, went downstairs with her pretending everything was normal, but feeling absolutely sick with worry. Find DH on sofa.

I'd been awake worrying since 4am, meaning I was completely shattered for my important work meeting. He doesn't see what the problem is, he didn't want to wake me up. The tracker didn't update because his phone died, apparently. There's a charger in the living room, assume he was too drunk to plug his phone in and message me to say he was home and crashing on the sofa.

We have barely spoken since.

I am in general feeling unappreciated, and this lack of consideration (couldn't he have sent a message earlier in the evening saying he'd be staying out later after all?) has really upset me.

He doesn't seem to understand how horrible it was to wake up at 4am and think he wasn't home. As far as he's concerned, he did me a favour by not waking me up when he got in drunk.

We're mid-40s and I just find this 'oh dear I seem to have got hammered' behaviour a bit pathetic. He's gone to his parents to stay tonight 'to give me space'. He doesn't like being 'in trouble' so has just fucked off.

I realise I might come across as the fun police.

YABU: He was on the sofa, get over it
YANBU: He was thoughtless to not even send a message

OP posts:
DarkForces · 15/12/2024 20:38

You told him to sleep on the sofa and he did exactly what you asked. It's a good thing he came in quietly. I really don't understand why you're angry with him let alone punishing him for 3 days. Surely you could have checked downstairs yourself?

Chester23 · 15/12/2024 20:38

He did as you asked. YABU. Why didn't you check if he was on the sofa when you woke?

alfhroa · 15/12/2024 20:38

I think considering he did do as you asked and went on the sofa it seems a little unfair for it to have blown up to this extent because you didn't go downstairs to check, he said he would sleep there so it would make sense for you to check, you caused yourself the worry. If you'd agreed he would be back by an earlier time fair enough.

That said, when we get unduly irritated by something there is usually a wider reason for that, that might make you less unreasonable. But it's best to focus on the actual issues.

44PumpLane · 15/12/2024 20:37

Yeah I'm sorry I feel like YABU here.

He's come in quietly (as he should) and done as you asked and slept on the sofa (again perfectly as he should).

He couldn't know you were going to wake up and worry and keep yourself awake with worry about it. If his phone died it's just one of those things, so I think in this instance he hasn't done anything he needs to apologize for.