To think that I understand my own body?

@PinkArt Of course if someone is suffering from ED then that's a serious matter. You need to have a BMI of 14 plus to not be life threateningly underweight. I have been hospitalised for anorexia/sectioned and it's terrifying. I certainly hope OP isn't in that category.

This was true of my severely anorexic friend at uni. What she did eat was very healthy, but in frighteningly small quantities. It made it that much harder to try to help her to see that she wasn't being healthy because her argument was always that it couldn't be unhealthy as she ate 'a lot of vegetables'.
In general I'd agree that no-one should criticise someone else's diet but when you can see that its so restricted that they are causing themselves damage I would say it's irresponsible not to.
OP your BMI is underweight, you still think you have fat to lose, you're in a big calorie deficit, people around you are voicing concerns and yet you ask her what there could be to worry about and you say you have a history of eating disorders. Please speak to someone about this as it sounds like you've slipped back into that destructive behaviour.

OP your posts have me a little concerned. I'm glad you've decided to up your calories, but I would also suggest you talk to someone, particularly if you have had an eating disorder in the past.

A family member insisted her anorexia was in the past. For decades she genuinely believed she was eating healthily, but she simply wasn't eating enough. Her anorexia and body dysmorphia remained with her and years of malnourishment caused her health issues in later life. You are not my relative, and your diet sounds much better than hers, but your photo and some of the things you have said in your posts sound very much like things she used to say. Your family probably mean well and are worried about you. If you can see a professional they may give you reassurance that all is fine and that would be great, but if they do recommend changes, please try to take them on board.

I think youve hit the nail on the head here. OP knows she has a problem and because her mind is disordered at the moment, she just wants the compliments of being skinny

Hopefully she can pull herself out of this before she starts growing white hairs all over her body and breaking bones ect.

I also felt great in the midst of my anorexia, until I didnt. I also used excercise as a way to control.

My 10 year old DD was weighed a few weeks ago and it horrified me that 2 years ago I was the same weight as a 10 year old child.

To be fair when people told me I was too skinny I was, I just didn't want to see it and I also really enjoyed feeling skinny and fitting into smaller and smaller sizes.
I'm also very small framed but you can still be underweight with a small frame.

There are a lot of 'I've lost loads of weight, and people are being horrible to me, and appear to be jealous of me' type threads on Mumsnet lately. One a day I would say.

Weird.

I think you know that you are not eating enough but you are enjoying the feeling of control and losing weight. I’ve been there myself and it is an eating disorder. You need to get help now before it gets (more) out of control.

From the photo you have posted. You do not look healthy. At all. You look on the verge of being very unwell

If you feel healthy and have a varied diet with plenty of fresh veg and hardly any UPF, then I'm sure it's good.
I don't see how others think they have the right to criticise your diet.

Look up RED-S & think about your fueling.

Main issues with chronic under-fueling is bone density loss & other issues re your metabolism.

Women are designed to carry more body fat than men for a host of reasons.

By all means, hit the gym but do take care to eat enough.

No it's not. But eating disorders exist.

So, you have a history of restricted eating, are currently at a BMI of 18/19 (under 18.5 is underweight) and are still talking about having fat to lose. You also appear to invest a lot of your happiness and self worth in your size. It’s unsurprising that the people in your life (who actually know and care about you, as opposed to an anonymous forum) are worried.

I think you should talk to someone. Start with your GP.

You are doing that now. You're just not in a place where you can admit it. You even talk about your eating disorder of 20 years ago as you being very very slim.

You were anorexic then, and are pretty much there again now.

If your bmi is 18, and you are muscly, and you are still trying to lose body fat, then yes you probably do look gaunt, because you are probably too thin.
i have as you describe small bones/ hands/ head, which does make your weight less. (And smaller boobs than you - you’d only see sternum bones if I were wearing that dress) With a bmi of 18 and having muscle I look like a skeleton with a monkey head and I get ill easily. I’d hope my friends would be worried. With a bmi of 20 and muscly I look very lean, size 8 / size 6.

The fact that you thought I was talking about your face, when I was talking about what's going on in your mind is pretty telling.

Don't just up the calories, talk to someone. Just in case.

Why are you only eating 1500 calories a day?

You are presumably not trying to lose more weight but if you only eat that amount and exercise a lot then you'll be in deficit.

The people I know who have done this have caused havoc with their metabolism in the longer term so be very careful.

I think you need to eat more and start laying down muscle if it for health.

I'd be concerned you are still behaving like you are in weight loss mode when already underweight.

Please speak to someone who can support you.

That's good to hear Op.

Perhaps the rest of my post is entirely unnecessary, but I've typed it all now🙄😂.

How recent is that photo?

Once eating disorders take a grip, it is really hard to get away from the mindset.

For those who live on the edge of the tipping point - it sounds as if you are losing muscle whatever you think. If you are being strict with your diet it may effect more than you ever bargained for in later life. You may begin to lose more of the hair on your head, but you will gain it on your body as it struggles to maintain your core body temperature. Your bones and your teeth become weaker. You may become osteopenic quite early in life. As your muscle wains, it can affect your pelvic floor, not to mention your heart. It can ruin your chances of being able to conceive. Is you cycle still regular?

Are you a high achiever? You mentioned you went through a period of weight control in your past. Is it something that is constantly on your mind if you were really honest about it? If you really thought about it - are you stressed again? Is there anything you are unhappy about or simply do not wish to confront in your life?

Sorry, I don't mean to get deep. And what do I know really, except knowing a number of girls over my lifetime (and women when it returned in their early 40's) who have had this most private of battles. I understand why it is so difficult to hear there may be an issue and so irritating to hear anyone interfere as this is your coping mechanism, but I think you need to reframe what they are saying to you and realise you need to take a moment, maybe organise someone to talk to and confront whatever it is that is driving you. Why are you craving this dopamine hit of calorie restriction and over exercise to the extent that you are still losing weight from a position of already low bmi? From that photo, you are beautiful, but you really do not need to lose more.

I'm guessing you and others will think I am being melodramatic, but you asked why it matters. It is so much more than the contours of a face if it slips too far.

Are the people calling you too skinny, not skinny themselves by any chance? Jealousy is a disease

OP, your comments and general "tone of voice" remind me very much of someone I know who has had anorexia for many, many years. They also flirted with orthorexia and, to this day, take excessive amounts of exercise because they say it makes them feel good. I'm not saying that you have the same diagnosis, but I understand why your family are concerned and all the alarm bells are ringing for me.