I’m buying my own Christmas presents agIn

Me too. It's very thoughtless and just shows OP is not valued and is taken for granted. I'd be furious.

Tell DH to take ds 11 years old put to get you a Xmas gift from ds and he can wrap it up. Sounds like the 11 year old might have better ideas than your DH. We just don't you send DH a link to what you want? At least you'd get something you like.

You write a list and tell DH to sort it because you won't be. No excuses.

Any shopping that needs to be done between now and Christmas is his responsibility. Make it very clear that you expect him to get off his arse and contribute to Christmas.

Next year you need to pass some of the Mental Load on to him ( not just the Christmas Mental Load...everything) he is an adult, presumably he is capable at work so he's just being a lazy git in the house.

I find that quite sad. Not one of the people you spend Christmas with ever thinks to buy you a present?

This.

I also dont have anything to open. I don't think it's a lot bar. It's just I don't put expectations to have presents. That's not what Xmas is about imo, and if I want something I say so when I'm asked what I'd like.

Are you doing all the shopping for everyone else? If you are then I’d be absolutely furious if there was nothing for me - it’s utterly thoughtless and selfish not to mention ungrateful. It’s not a high bar to expect someone to think of you when you’ve prepared a nice Christmas for everyone else.

I hear you op. YANBU. Definitely not.

My dds are at uni and buy me very thoughtful presents, like a book they think I will enjoy, or my favourite toiletries. So I am very lucky.

My dh on the other hand rushes out on Christmas Eve to an antiques shop four minutes down the road and buys me something he thinks I will like.

Except he and I do not really share the same taste. And I am trying to declutter the house.

I started off grateful.

Then it became a bit of a joke.

After three decades of marriage, I dread having to pretend to maintain humour and grace over it. Because no one is going to make a fuss and spoil Christmas Day right?

He’s a very good husband the rest of the year though, so I try and let it go because that’s far more important. But yes op, it would be really, really nice if just one year, he took the time and put some effort and care in to it.

Lucky that your dd has turned out thoughtful like you and not a miserly, selfish arse like her dad!

YANBU OP. And I would say that you had ring nothing to open should be embarrassing for THEM not you. Buy yourself some gifts and no one else is going to but don’t wrap them and gift them to yourself to open on Christmas Day - sit there on Xmas day with no gifts to open and let them see what they have done. You are enabling their poor behaviour by covering up for them. Let them sit in the awkwardness of when it comes to you to open gifts and you say ‘oh I haven’t got anything to open’. You haven’t created this situation - let them feel shitty - because opening gifts from yourself on Xmas day isnt going to make yourself feel any less shitty or feel cared for.

I haven't had any surprise gifts in years - possibly even since childhood. Thoughtful gifts don't occur to DH. He has no real idea what the kids are getting either.

I must say the last couple of years I have received a few stocking fillers I wasn't expecting, ever since DD reached an age where she'll nag her dad into going shopping and then cajole and, if required, bully him into reluctantly putting his hand in his pocket for a few little bits (DD likes to put together a little pamper hamper for me).

Stop buying presents for ILS, that is DH job.

If DH buys you shit presents, buy him stuff that benefits you.

I always buy myself presents from my pets 😍

I don't know why it's embarrassing not to have anything to open. I never have anything to open and noone gives it a second thought, it's the norm and they're used to it.

Just because it's YOUR norm doesn't mean it should be anyone else's. It's not a race to the bottom.

Give dh a list if he’s useless at gift buying. Less stressful for both of you.

This. And stop being a martyr, if they can't be arsed to get presents for you, I'd make minimal effort for them. Let your dh get them for a change.

I have to buy my own presents to go under tree, it sucks. I don’t get any from anyone else either

I buy for everyone else because I enjoy it. It’s joint money anyway and I’m far more generous with other people than DH so it works quite well 🤣🤣 DH however always buys for me. And no shite either. Thoughtful, well planned gifts that he knows I will love, nicely wrapped.
Tell your DH that you aren’t accepting any shite this year. If he fails to get his arse in gear, buy yourself something lovely and expensive. Really rather expensive. Then open it in front of everyone with a gasp and a “DH you shouldn’t have” 😈

That will make him pull his finger out next year!!!

Stop doing it (tying yourself in knots for others)

Just stop.

Don't you get anything off extended family? At the very least withhold your dh's presents until you see what you get off him, if anything. If you get nowt or something crap then he gets the same.

For one years Christmas..do absolutely nothing, sorting out Dh family Xmas presents that would be nope matey your family yours to sort out.

This is sad. Your "D"H is a joke. It'd be so simple to buy you presents that you want. My DS is 6, DH asked him what he wanted to get me (unicorn socks, he excitedly told me😂) and DH ordered them online. Easy as. I'd put the same effort into your husband's presents as he puts into yours.

That’s so funny, thank you for the laugh 🤭 . I think we should all do this.

Buy yourself something really fucking nice. Something you wouldn't normally get yourself. Wrap it up and open it on Christmas day. Gasp and say oh my god, it's just what I wanted. It's so beautiful, thank you for being so thoughtful. Then stand up and HUG YOURSELF.

If i had no presents under the tree I'd go nuclear. Find your rage OP - why should everyone else get presents and not you? It is not acceptable to be treated like this.

I wouldn’t be upset at your 11 year old child, even though I can completely understand why you are annoyed, OP. In addition, quite a few people leave their Xmas shopping until the last minute and then rush out for some unthoughtful rubbish. It’s inconsiderate of your DH though especially if you have bought him something nice to open. Why don’t you put DH’s nice gift(s) away and not gift it? Then buy something completely thoughtless for him too. I’m sure we could all give you some ideas of awful gifts that you could pick up in a supermarket.

It isn't you who should be embarrassed if you have nothing to open.

Can you and your child not nip to the supermarket one day after school this week?