I’m buying my own Christmas presents agIn

No they aren’t. Christmas presents are for everyone.

Do wider family members not get you a gift either? Sod that! Re label all their gifts to yourself if you can’t return them. The old “oh I thought we weren’t doing presents anymore” springs to mind.

It sounds like you’re blaming the 11 year old, which is very sad!

This is your DHs responsibility not the child’s!

When mine were a similar age we gave them some cash and sat in the supermarket cafe while the 3 of them went round together to buy gifts for me and their dad. Can you do the same with your DS?
They could have come and got us if there was a problem but they managed fine, and coped with the maths in checking they had enough money!

Don't buy your husband anything. Ever. He doesn't deserve it 🤷‍♀️

The 11 year old is thoughtless but probably learned off his dad.

Exactly. This is what I don’t understand.

Op, your husband is disgraceful and he’s modelling this behaviour to your child, but why are you making things worse by going all out for everyone else when you know it’ll be the same old story of no presents for you again?

I don’t get why you are buying presents to save yourself from the “embarrassment” though. It sounds like you’re just deluding yourself if you’re buying them only to save face because the fact is your family still haven’t bothered .

Either change the reality or at the very least face up to the reality that they didn’t bother. Don’t try and cover it up. It’s pointless and doesn’t tackle the underlying issue.

Don’t be a martyr OP.

I mean… your husband is a shit. But he’s always going to be a shit unless you do something about it! And right now you’re just watching while your 11 year old turns in to Daddy.

Why are you taking on the embarrassment that should be his?

I highly recommend you tell your husband that you’ve decided to put the same effort in to Christmas presents as he does. This you have nothing for his relatives (return what you’ve bought) and will pick something up for him Christmas Eve. Keep presents for the kids obviously. Then at present exchange say brightly “DH and I agreed he would organise presents this year, I can’t wait to see what he’s got for everyone”.

Who convinced you of that?

Lots of adults enjoy giving and receiving presents. The reason so many people get upset about not getting any or receiving badly chosen gifts is that presents should show somebody has put thought and time into doing something to make you happy.

I never get anything for xmas off my husband. Hes pathetic really. Then I cba to say anything on the day because it just leaves a bad atmosphere. But yes, I do everything and get absolutely nothing. He always gets a gift bought by me "from the kids"
I'm not planning on staying with him for much longer. And this is on my list of many reasons why. My birthday is the same.

That's just such a sad read. My ex was appalling at buying me presents and did the whole "what do you want" crap rather than have a single idea himself but at least he bought me something i suppose, even if it was a bit begrudged. The thought of your significant other having a bloody nap instead of rallying the dc and getting you a present just makes me feel second hand rage.
My current dh never asks what I want because he knows me and has paid attention to me all year and gets me wonderful, thoughtful surprises. And not just at Christmas, through the year as well. Just because.

Christmas presents are for children

Say to your DD 'As you haven't been well today, when are we going to do our Christmas shopping trip? How about tomorrow?' If another stomach ache crops up, tell them they'd better go to bed to properly recover this time.

Send your DH a list and say anything on it would be most welcome but you'd like something you really want this year after all the work of buying for his family. And that he won't be able to go on Christmas Eve as you'll be roping him into other household tasks.

Definitely say something to your H and tell him he needs to model good behaviour with the DC. Sounds like they've already learned from him that you don't matter.
As for the stomach ache stunt, they should be packed off to bed with no tv or toys. Sounds like you're too soft OP.

This is why I like being single at Christmas. I buy myself exactly what I would like, remain inside the household budget and give ds a list of small things that I would like, and he can either order online or go shopping for.

I make sure there are equal numbers of presents for me and DS under the tree, and everyone is happy 😁 I don't have to return anything.

I’m amazed that some families don’t buy mum/ wife a present when she has gone to the trouble of making sure they have nice presents. These people are selfish, thoughtless mean and hurtful. I’d give them a different present this year- a tongue lashing ! I could not stay part of this family without very drastic changes being made.

Oh another Christmas drudge and martyr thread. Only you, OP, can change the dynamic here. It's easy. Just stop doing it. All of it. The world won't end, and your family may find a bit of respect for you, and next year should be quite different when they remember the Christmas bot may go on strike again.

meanwhile, i have of course spent weeks sourcing interesting and thoughtful gifts for the entire family, including dh’s relatives.

nobody is making you do this, though. other than your 11 year old, just stop if it's not reciprocated.

Weirdly, people only notice and value what you do for them when you stop doing it. I totally get myself presents though, it used to be to prevent disappointment but now it's just an added extra.

Why would you be embarrassed in front of your family? I mean in a lot of households the presents are delivered by Father Christmas and you wouldn’t be getting any anyway!

There is still plenty of time for DH to take your DC shopping and they can both get you a couple of presents. Not getting you anything is so bloody thoughtless and disrespectful.

I’m sure there’s mums up and down the country who share your feelings.

Growing up, we always brought surprise gifts for each other. Dh is a ‘what do you want for Christmas?’ Type person so I usually say flowers as it’s easier. t least I get done sort if surprise then.

Don't buy yourself something to open. They won't learn. By yourself a secret something. Let them be embarrassed. Let them realise they've upset you. They need to learn. Let them see how hurt you are.

Hang on, so you get gifts for every one around, your family, but none one in your family gets anything for you, ever?

I think you are being unreasonable that you are more upset with your DC than your DH, and you were planning to have to organise them into buying you a present. Other than possibly transport to town and sending them into a shop alone thinking, giving the kid money and organising them into it should 100% be on your DH, and him not getting you gifts it's totally out of order. Or is it he does get gifts but crap ones? Either way, youd crossness is misplaced, you should be expecting more from your child than your dh.
Incidentally, is it a daughter? Don't be sexist and think gift giving is a girl thing......... your dh is the one to blame here! Do you help them get gifts for him?

Do what I do - DH gets a list either directly from me or through dd of about ten items I like ranging in price from “I didn’t get my bonus this year love” to “award winning husband” level. That way I know il at least get something I like.

And if I don’t get the bonus item il generally go out and buy it in the NY anyway!