I’m buying my own Christmas presents agIn

Get your coat, pack a bag, go get on a flight and leave the selfish arseholes. Why are you accepting this?

I don’t understand how people get into these situations.
Why do you allow it to happen?

Yes to this.

Stop taking care of your husband's responsibilities to his relatives. Return anything you've already bought for them.

Go out on Christmas Eve and buy him a piece of crap (bonus points for parts missing or visible damage). Return whatever you've bought him already this year.

Buy yourself something nice. Don't wrap it. Don't open it on Christmas morning. Just enjoy it.

I buy my own presents from DH.

I give them to him to wrap. I do it because, firstly, DH is crap at present buying. He would definitely go out and get me stuff and wrap it, etc. But it wouldn't be what I wanted. And he does genuinely try. He's just crap at it.

I'd much rather have presents that I actually want. Rather than money wasted on stuff I don't want.

I do all the Christmas present buying and wrapping but that's because I enjoy it. (I do make sure DH takes our DS out to get me something though, for DS' sake.)

I don't mind this set up because DH is wonderful in every other way - just shit at present buying!

For example, he makes Christmas dinner every year and cleans up after.

Hope you know now not to bother with gifts for him.

i remember my partner after 3 weeks of dating brought back a little candle and chocolate for me when he went down to Cornwall for a week with his family. I didn’t need to ask him, he just did it.

I wouldn’t accept my husband being so lazy/inconsiderate.

I think you need to sit your husband and child down and speak to them really seriously about this. I would say that I've always got you good presents, I've always got you what I thought you would like, I put a lot of effort into it and you don't do the same for me and it makes me feel neither of you love me. Just say if the same thing happens again this year I am going to be so disappointed and upset and I don't think I'll get past that.

That is incredibly sad.

I would tell your “D”H now that you find it really hurtful that he can’t be bothered to make any effort and buy you the gifts you have asked for and if you get nothing/a whole pile of crap this year this is the last year that either himself or his family will get anything from you. Don’t buy and wrap your own presents so he can save face, get your books so you have something nice for yourself but why should he get the credit for it.

My DH is a bit crap at choosing gifts despite the many years we have been together, he has bought me expensive jewellery that is so far off my usual style it was nearly funny and I got a statue of a frog in a yoga pose for my 50th birthday which I assumed was a joke but wasn’t. He now gets a list from me and sticks to it or takes suggestions from DD who actually knows what I like.

I sent a link to DH a month ago for some cherry liqueur chocolates. The other night said to him that I was really looking forward to those. A look of panic crossing his face he stuttering said I thought you were joking.

I give up 🙄

Don’t want to hi-jack but on the strength of this thread, I have presented dh with a list tonight for the first time ever!

It felt awkward at first but I soon got over myself 😄

So thank you for the suggestion Dollybantree!

And thanks for the thread op!

Dh said there were “no guarantees”
as he genuinely has a very heavy workload between now and then, but they are all on-line so not too difficult I would have thought!
I said I would be sure to present the list earlier next year 😉

I always point DH towards Space NK too and tell him to give the sales staff my name so they can help him choose. Don’t forget your shopping history is registered to your account!

Says who?

And you're...happy with that...?

This is simple! You know your family won't get it for you, so you buy it off Amazon and tick the box of it being gift wrapped. It arrives and you plonk it under the tree. I mean clearly your family give no fucks, so you just do it for yourself! Oh and next year don't bother with your husband and save the money to buy something really nice for yourself....even better buy in February get it gift wrapped and by next Christmas you'll have a lovely surprise because you will have forgotten what you ordered!

This is the answer ☝️
Let him deal with getting his families presents and any cards. Don't go overboard with the kids presents. If there's stuff you want, just get it. You deserve it.

I've just emailed DH the link to a Yoga website for a bolster and blanket - he's sitting on the sofa next to me 😆 I know it's the cardinal MN sin to have to send links for gifts, but DH asked where he can find the items so I just emailed the link. It's really not complicated.

Neither of us buys last minute unwanted gifts, and we don't care about unrealistic perfection - there's nothing worse than feeling unloved and unvalued at Christmas. It's the time of year to show your nearest and dearest that you do love and value them.

You need to start educating them how to be thoughtful, otherwise you're letting them off the hook.

I had a sharp word with my DH about this. He is another one who came from a house where all they seemed to do was bitch about each other and gift giving was slim to none. After some disastrous years where I wound up with nothing, or worse - gifts for the dog (I wish I was joking) - I had a sharp word with him. I pointed out that if I had such shit presents or nothing at all and our child started to realise and it ruined the Christmas magic for her, I would be serving him divorce papers by new year. He did take it on board and each year he has got progressively better with more and more thought going into my presents. Thank god!

Absolutely never.

I won’t buy my own presents, and I won’t wrap any my partner gets for me. I’ll do literally anyone else’s (I quite like both shopping and wrapping) but I refuse to do my own.

I would also be upset to receive nothing. Absolutely expect better!

I don't know why you would put yourself through that for 30 years. I'm always honest with my DH. If I don't like something he's bought, made, cooked etc I just tell him that and explain why. This is literally why my present this year is a trip abroad and not a Mars bar.

Your DH is a problem here. He should have gone to do this with DC at some point . Help them plan it for a start and send them off.
By the way you are very unreasonable for your comment about Netflix and stomach ache. When you are unwell watching TV is always a helpful distraction.

Are they bollocks.

Buy and wear a nice piece of jewellery and then be coy about who gave it to you.

He might start to appreciate you more when he stops regarding you as the maid.

Obviously I’m joking but the poor behaviour being demonstrated to the children is doing them no favours and is no joke. You need to raise this with him.

Maybe you need to raise your bar a bit!

I bloody love this. What a fantastic idea.
I actually went xmas shopping with my husband today I told him what I'd like and he bought them.
He's a bit clueless with presents in that he will buy two of the same thing like expensive perfumes so I thought I'd steer him to what I actually want/need.