Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

You have been abused by him and his children for years but because of the boiled frog method, it has slowly increased.

He's a weak weasel and you need to protect yourself from him.

You sound so nice but you definitely need to consider the modelling thats going on that your children will be absorbing.

You don't want this for their future.
You all deserve so much better than this weakling and his awful children.

After speaking to a solicitor, do not discuss with him what the solicitor says. You need to make up your own mind what you want to do for yourself and your children.
If you tell him everything you give him chance to give you the run around and make sure if you separate that you come off worse.
Keep things like the solicitor visit and your decision to yourself.
Do not show him this thread. That gives him ammunition against you.
He sounds awful.

Print this thread off and show it to your husband then post it to your sdc
In for a penny ....

They're adults now - not your monkey, not your circus

Hold on your husband does not put your name on the gifts? Well that is just odd.

You need to ensure that he is spending his fair share on bills and not just saving it for inheritance. The DSC obviously went through tough times with parents splitting but they are now adults and should book their own therapy.

go through your outgoings and make it fairer.

you also need to consider what happens if either of you need care when you are older as they will want to use the house money to pay for it so there may not be any inheritance. Plus it needs to be split equally between his 3 children I can’t believe they don’t buy presents for their little half siblings what AH

I have had to do the same to both my stepdaughter and her children.
In 30 years I have never received a present, card or thank-you.
My Husband has never received a birthday card, present or fathers day card.
The children have been old enough to contact us to say thankyou for years and now I am done with the rudeness, bad manners and lack of appreciation.

I am lucky that myself and my Husband are a united front in this decision but it makes us both very sad.

I feel so sad for you, I have a step Mum and she is included in everything, mine and my siblings children all call her Grandma etc
Our own Mother is still around so we don’t see our step mum as a surrogate, we see her as part of our immediate family and treat her as such. She is the person our Dad has chosen to spend his later years with and deserves respect and consideration.
Im appalled you never even had a bunch of flowers or a hand to do the dishes after slaving away making everything lovely for Christmas Day.
I think this says everything about them them as people, even if they ‘don’t like you’, manners and being gracious cost nothing.
Your DH should be totally embarrassed that he has helped raised them to behave like it.
Enjoy your Xmas away and surround yourself with people who love and care for you.

It must’ve been very hurtful to find out off your DH that his daughters don’t like you. He sounds a heartless prick and they sound utterly selfish and ungrateful. Just concentrate on your own children in future. I’d have a serious think about him too.

It sounds to me like he’s been tiptoeing around his daughters for years, I presume due to guilt over the divorce from their mother. He’s basically enabled them to turn into nasty entitled bitches.
I am also a step mother and their treatment of you and your children (their siblings!) is bloody dreadful. I would have checked out years ago in your situation. I’m really shocked your DH didn’t nip this in the bud years ago. He needs to hear some home truths. Even if you had been the other woman, which I know you weren’t, they should have accepted the situation by now. My step mother was the OW and we get on great! You have to accept reality at some point.

Yanbu- they and their father sound horrid

Nah !! The fact they have NEVER said a thank you or even now they are earning a wage still can’t get you a little something?? And your DH…. Just wow.

Take the money you would have spent on those selfish, nasty witches and spend it on your children. They deserve it after putting up with them for this long. Also, buy yourself something nice that you wouldn't buy yourself usually, because YOU also deserve it! Think of it as a gift from "Santa Mamana127".

Your NVDH sounds like a twat waffle, and the more you write about him and his balls of cotton when it comes to his daughters, the more I dislike him.

Continue to stand up for what you know is right, so your children can see that and not become people pleasers that get walked on.

Have a wonderful holiday! 🌲

Just found out how to edit a post 😁😁

There's 3 dots on the top right hand side of your post, click on them and select 'edit post' at the bottom of the list 👍

Been there Yanbu It's funny that people don't like being treated the way you are treated by them As for your useless husband Ltb

My partner has had similar issues with his DD but not to the extent of your DH. He left when his DD was 17, loveless marriage & got treated like a dog. I was in a similar position but my DD was only 4 & we were in a domestic abuse situation. We both took a leap of faith in each other and have been so happy together bringing my DD up. All 3 of us have suffered in different ways from both my ex and my partner's grown up DD, now in her 30s. Finally my partner has cut her loose, bye love, after 16 years - she's been playing games all that time but not any more. We're both still married to our respective exes - mine called a halt to the divorce after the marital home was sold, he refused to sort the financial side out so now he's in his 60s the clock is ticking - he has a really good pension but he won't sort the PSO out - I don't have the money to force the issue so no idea what happens to it.

I can understand how your DH struggles to manage his horrid daughters - it sounds like it's either their way or get lost - he's being manipulated. He ought to call their bluff & dump the pair of them, he's remarried with another DD and 2 stepchildren who would benefit from his full attention and so would you. Don't you deserve some peace, all of you?

She will visit quick enough if she thinks there is any inheritance in the offing though. I am sorry for your situation and hope that your dd's at least are some comfort to you both xx

Just came on to say you are correct op.
Your husbands children sound very rude and entitled.

When me and DH were first together . He had 1dd and I had 2.
I spent many hours thinking of things that she would like ..sourcing them .sending for them etc.
Same at birthdays.
But when it was HDs birthday or father's day he would get nothing. Not even a card. He would say that was because we lived over 100 miles apart ...or she doesn't think...or some other crap reasons
It came to a head when we met up with her one weekend in a city near her
.it was his actual birth DAY...the perfect situation to give him a card.....and...nothing..
And I said that's it.. done.. And I bloody well am
Now DH has terminal cancer.. and she won't come and visit him. My own dds are furious with her They say she'll leave it too late..and they'll have no sympathy for her..

Before reading the entire op, I was irritated to say you were being unreasonable. It you’re not

I think the problem started from your husband. Why were you both having to buy separate gifts for his daughters? Are you not a united couple?

they are very entitled people. Are they not embarrassed to recurve gifts from you, buy for their dad but have to sit there empty handed while everyone but you and your kids open presents?

are your kids just YOUR kids or are they also your husband’s? These girls’ half siblings? If so, doubly rude and entitled.

my husband has a step mother. Arrived in our lives just a few years ago after widowed FIL met her. We buy her a birthday gift (send flowers) and a gift at Christmas. Nothing major - flowers, a scarf, a plant or we may give a gift voucher for their local favourite restaurant as a “couple” gift for them together. We do this to be nice and be respectful of FIL’s choice. (You’d never know we were not actually happy about the situation. We keep that to ourselves or anonymous posts!)

I think despite your protestations you have been trying to buy their love, I would never keep buying presents for people who don't reciprocate-why would you?
Your DH wants them to have presents he should buy them, he is being totally unreasonable expecting you to keep going to the effort- they are adults too, they can't and shouldn't be treated as if they are both toddlers, and know no better.
Your husband's attitude worries me far more than that of your step daughters, it's not normal, or balanced.
Why would you both buy them presents? My parents have been divorced since I was 8 (I'm 62 now) and I have NEVER received a present just off my step mother, it is always joint with my father.Your DH's refusal to put you on his gift is just weird.
These daughters sound incredibly spoilt, and your husband is used to the idea they always get spoilt- you need to deal with this head on with you DH, he needs to be made to see his attitude is not normal-valuing his daughters hugely more than you, he also sounds controlling and not respectful, you have made up your mind, and he has to respect that.

I did the same with the step kids, it was all one sided, I would but for her and her half sister birthdays xmas Easter ect, never thanks, nothing sent for my kids, I stopped it when she was I high school, she doesn't contact us anymore because we don't buy her gifts !!

It’s not “their inheritance”—it is your marital income. With care costs, they may end up with £0. But that’s not the point—it is not up to DSDs how the marital assets in your marriage are spent or allocated. It is only their business once it is actually their inheritance—after death.

This seems like a good way forward. I’ve never received separate gifts from a married couple. Ever.

Your DH sounds like a cock.

I’ve been with my DP two years, and I always buy for his girls and even their Mum (DP’s ex) goes out with the girls to get some bits with them for my birthday and Xmas, as well as DP sorting bits with the girls for me too. DP and I put both of our names on all the presents from us.