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Original poster

Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

465 replies

Mamana127 · 15/12/2024 11:51

I have two step daughters one if now 27 and the other one 25 I have known them for 13 years and each Christmas ever since I met them i have bought them presents, nice girly things which they love.
They are now working with really good jobs one earning 150k a year and another 70k. They have been working for over 3 years now. But I have never received even a slicked Carrot from them. They buy their dad presents and nothing for me and my kids. During their birthdays my kids make them crafts and I buy them presents but I’ve never received any for my birthday either or the kids birthday either.
This year while wrapping presents my husband asked me where their presents were? I said I’m not buying them any as they have never got me anything not even a Christmas card. He got really mad and said I’m older I should behave better and two wrongs don’t make a right.
I asked him if he has ever asked them why they don’t buy me anything he said they are old enough to make their minds. Ok and I’m not old enough to make my mind?
when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.
i have never done anything to these beautiful girls, I met their dad way after he had split frozen their mum and had been in other relationship before me.
I haven’t been trying to buy their love I’ve just been trying to be nice to them. So this year I decided to heed my MIL’s advice, and it blew up into a big argument between me and DH. Mind you DH gets them gifts too so I suggested he writes that it’s from both of us and refused. I’m I right or I’m I being petty.
I mean having to take that decision was hard for my heart but I felt I needed to do it.

OP posts:
AgnesX · 15/12/2024 12:16

What a nasty selfish family and that includes your DH.

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 15/12/2024 12:14

The fact that your DH doesn’t write your name is a red flag. Why on earth?

Minihero · 15/12/2024 12:14

DH's gifts to them are from both of you surely? He's being weird - YANBU

dancinfeet · 15/12/2024 12:11

you are absolutely right. I bought birthday and christmas gifts for years for my nieces and nephews, from when I was in my mid teens, even when I was a skint student working 2 part time jobs. Even as a young child I was encouraged to save a little of my pocket money and buy them something because I was their older aunt (by just a few years). When they were all adults (and all working) I was still buying for them, whilst they bought nothing for me or my own children in return. One year when my kids were young teens I decided not to bother sending the relatives anything as most of them earn a heck of a lot more than me and I was fed up of them not reciprocating and at least sending something for my kids. So I spent the extra money I had saved on my own two teenagers instead. I have done that ever since and it’s much better.

Yellowhellop · 15/12/2024 12:10

Echoing the above. They’re rude and your DH is a dick. Don’t get them anything

Namerequired · 15/12/2024 12:04

They aren’t little kids you don’t need to buy them anything. You should have a reciprocal adult relationship or no relationship. Your dh is the one in the wrong. He's right they are old enough to decide what relationship they want, but so are you. The “you are the older one” is irrelevant at their ages, yous are all adults.

MissUltraViolet · 15/12/2024 12:01

You're right to stop.

DH sounds like a twat. Also - why have you even been buying seperate gifts anyway? There would be absolutely nothing wrong at all with the gifts he buys being from both of you, that's what most people would do.

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2024 11:58

You have a DH problem.

mbosnz · 15/12/2024 11:57

You're absolutely in the right, your husband and his daughters are absolutely in the wrong, and if there's anything a middle class man of a certain age cannot stand, it's clearly being in the wrong, you might as well corner a cobra in the bath tub.

stripeyshutters · 15/12/2024 11:57

Sadly you should have insisted earlier than this that the gifts are from both of you. I understand you may want to keep the peace but I would now stop.

Dotto · 15/12/2024 11:55

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TallNeckedGiraffe · 15/12/2024 11:55

You’re right.
Your husband is an absolute prick.
Why on earth are you allowing your children to be treated like this - making them cards etc..

Annabella92 · 15/12/2024 11:55

You're not being unreasonable, how hurtful. Their Dad should buy them something then and he should be trying to mediate between you. Especially if your kids make them gifts and cards and this has never been reciprocated. Really poor form on his part, I'd be very disappointed

ManhattanPopcorn · 15/12/2024 11:55

The best option would have been for him to have a word with them.
He has refused to do that so YANBU.

Figsandwalnuts · 15/12/2024 11:53

They are embarrassingly rude, and your DH is horrible.