Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

Your DH is an arse for not pulling his daughters up on their thoughtlessness years ago.

Stand firm.

I think that the mother in law gave good advice - stop buying for them. Or have I read it wrong?

Can you just contact the step dc and say that you were thinking of reducing material stuff so you were thinking that perhaps this year you will just give presents to the under 18yr dc in the family unless they particularly want to continue exchanging gifts in which case you will send over your christmas list. You can therefore ignore that they never actually exchange gifts but draw a line in the sand going forward. They might not even realise that it is coming from your finances rather than your dh.

They are rude to not give gifts, even to your kids. A token box of chocs wouldn’t hurt. You’re dh is a dick for not pressing this sooner. So no, do NOT buy them a gift. Yanbu

You have a husband problem as well as a stepchild problem and if he can’t see your POV he must be very very dense , not an attractive feature .

Seems like you are tied to a bunch of cunts...
Cut those strings in 2025 op.

YANBU

They are very rude not to reciprocate gifts

In our house DP buys presents for his adult kids from both of us and I do likewise with my kids. It seems weird for your DH to exclude you and bonkers for him to not pull them up on not getting you girls.

This is perfect. I have similar issue with my SC - and this will be my message to them.

Their dad is a nasty piece of work who treats you like crap so you can see why they’ve turned out the way they have. Of course YANBU.

@Mamana127 Apple doesn’t fall far here does it OP
Mil to dh to step kids

They all sound the same. Dh and kids entitied

This is so sad OP . My own DP gets upset and angry that his kids don't bother with my birthdays (1 out of 3 of his kids buy for me at Christmas) in the 21 years I have been with him when we always bother with their Mrs , but I've always told him not to say anything but atleast he does see it as rude .
Honestly don't bother , he can buy his rude kids presents instead

I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.

She said that they don’t like you?!

You very much have the classic DH problem here!

Your DH needs to write from both of you, or accept that you ain't getting them anything. Well done you.

My DH has 2 step parents. Each couple buy us gifts- from both of them, together. He doesn't get separate things from step mum and his dad, step dad and also his mum! That is bonkers to even consider that is the norm.

I'm surprised this hasn't come up before. You husband sounds like a dick IMO!

YANBU at all. It was odd to begin with that you'd buy them a separate gift, imo. Usually couples buy a gift jointly for each child. Of course it may be a bit different when you're a step-parent joining the family with older children, but still probably unusual for each of you to buy for them separately.

You're absolutely right that it's rude of them as adults to not acknowledge you or your children with any gifts in return. If that's what they want to do, they surely can't expect you to continue to buy for them, and your husband is being a jerk to expect this to continue indefinitely.

Rude little brats. You do have a DH problem though. Good luck with it.

Your stepdaughters sound dreadful but clearly they learned their lack of manners from your awful DH. You shouldn’t live with someone who has utter disregard for your feelings. Of course he won’t say anything to them because in his eyes their feelings are more important than yours. Unfortunately being a stepmother means you are usually no-one’s priority, and as a stepmother myself I truly get that, but you need to put your foot down here. If the rest of your relationship is like this you should be making plans.

What is your husband like in other ways? I find it hard to believe this is a good relationship.

I wouldn't have any respect for my husband in this situation. I'd be really embarrassed if my children behaved like his and would tell my husband not to spend a penny on them.

Your husband sounds horrid and the set up is a bit weird, he buys them presents and you do to? Surely from the start he should’ve just been putting your name on the gift he buys them. I’ve never really come across both people in a couple buying two separate gifts for someone.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, and from our first Christmas onward we just carried on buying gifts for our family as we always did when we were single, but this time putting both of our names on the tag. The only difference is, for our parents, we think of a gift together and it’s much bigger than what we did before when jt was just us. We tend to go for experience gifts for them now, like a nice restaurant voucher, afternoon tea or hotel stay.
And as for the step daughters not getting you anything, your husband should have said something to them ages ago. I have two aunts and an uncle (none of them have kids) and they’ve always bought me and my sibling Christmas presents, and when we were kids/teenagers my mum and dad would buy them a gift “from the four of us” but it naturally happened that mum would spend more to equal out the cost. So for example, my aunt might spend £15 on me, brother, mum, dad individually, and my mum would get her a £60 gift from the four of us. Actual cost was never discussed, we aren’t that transactional, but you can loosely guage.
Anyway, in my early 20s, it just never crossed my MIND to start buying my aunts and uncle a gift, now that I was working et. And when I was about 22 my mum said to me and my brother “I think you should start getting your own presents now for your aunts and uncle, you’re adults now and you’re earning, they buy you a gift each Christmas and I think you need to do the same.” And I thought… gosh, of course! And couldn’t actually believe it had never really occurred to me. So since then, my early 20s, my brother and I have always bought our own gifts for my aunts and uncle. My mum did need to give us a little push to do this now (not because we didn’t want to, it just never occurred), and that’s exactly what your husband should have done to his daughters, many years ago.

i would probably have talked this over with my husband a few months ahead and decided on a joint approach

Why would you and your husband be buying separate gifts? That is a bit odd tbh. I have never once bought a separate gift from my husband for anyone.

We have nephews & nieces (husband side) who we buy for & their nauseating sprogs. Never ONCE have I ever heard them say thanks & they certainly have never bought us anything.
Last year I bought all the little sprogs musical instruments…think drum, tambourine, mouth organ, triangle, xylophone.
Silent night not!

I like the sound of your MIL follow her advice.