Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

Your dh is a dick to have allowed this. He should have always put your name on any gifts to them, you are a couple. As for the mil telling you they said they don’t like you? I’m not sure if she’s trying to be helpful or spiteful.

The fact that their own grandmother is telling you to stop is huge

They're rude but I don't understand buying separate presents? Me and DH buy all presents together, everything for his kids, my kids, our kids is from US.

I couldn't agree more with most of the others. If they were 17 and 15, I'd probably say you should try to discuss/explain/etc, but at 27 and 25, they can lump it. And your DH is pretty bloody rude too.
I'm vaguely surprised by the separate presents in the first place - my parents have always given their children presents from them both, even if it is entirely apparent that the contents of Christmas parcels are as much as surprise to Dad as they are to the recipient...

Poor you, how upsetting. Why do you think they don't like you?

This
OP, from what you have written, you have done everything right to include your SDs and to navigate the tapestry of step parenting.
After so many years of you or your children not receiving cards or even small, thoughtful gifts, I 100% think your decision is the right one.
At another time, it may be worth enquiring as to why they 'don't like you'???
You may want to consider saying 'goodbye'. Time for you now

What a sad situation. You have not done anything wrong and if your generosity and kindness is being deliberately misconstrued as your trying to buy their affection then you are right to stop buying gifts.

The fault lies with your husband who quite frankly sounds awful that he doesn't have your corner.

I would not want to be in a relationship with such a horrible man.

I have two stepdaughters and a stepson and my husband has always forged a good relationship between us all and we are all United as one family.

@Mamana127 I have been and still am in the exact same place with one of my stepkids and his partner. However they don't send cards or gifts to either me or my husband (their dad). Every year I send joint (as in from me and their Dad) birthday and Christmas cards and joint gifts. We get a thank you text if we are lucky but they do not reciprocate even with a card.

I was nothing to do with their parents split, there was no extra-marital relationship on either side, it just didn't work. I came along years later, I get on well with 2 of his adult children and ironically his ex wife. The 3rd child and his partner are the problem.

When we see each other at family gatherings they seem fine, happy to see us, but out of sight, out of mind.

I told my husband last year that from now on I am mirroring their actions. If we get nothing, they get nothing. My husband was not impressed and we argued over it. He sent them cards and gifts but sent them from us both. I told him not to add my name but he did. This year, we got ignored as usual and so this year he just sent them cards. I think he maybe coming over to the dark side.

So ask your husband why mirroring what they do is wrong and that he needs to stop being a coward and address the elephant in the room with his kids if he wants YOU to have to keep dealing with rejection because you have continued to try and he has not supported you. They seem happy to take you for all you will give but show no ounce of appreciation, reciprocation and therefore respect for the family dynamics. They constantly do this and you have continued to try to be civil but there comes a time when enough is enough.

They are adults not kids, they have made it clear where they stand and the MIL has also told you. Tell your husband that despite your many years of efforts, they continue to slight you and so you are finally accepting what they want of you and are acquiescing. You have followed THEIR lead, if he has a problem, he needs to talk to them and not you.

However I would also say the fact that you do not send joint presents, reinforces that he does not support you because it allows them to ignore you specifically and I wonder if they would do it if it was joint presents. Your husband is not thinking about the scenario he is helping to make and he needs to rethink the situation.

Big hugs!

It's weird that you buy separate gifts rather than joint with DH, most couples give jointly gifted presents. So he is being unreasonable to insist you get your own. If they don't get you anything i think it's fair enough to not get them anything! My MIL never gets me presents so I dont get her any officially, but DH does give gifts from all of us as a family. DH used to not give his step mother presents but now he does. I think he was mid 20s when that changed

The gift from your DH to his daughters should have always been from the 2 of you. There was never any reason for you to buy a separate gift.

The daughters should also be buying a gift for the 2 of you as a couple.

It's an unfortunate pattern you've fallen into. I'd say it's now definitely time to stop and your name should be added to tge gift from your DH. If he won't do that then he's part of the problem.

they are both grown women. I don't get how they can accept your presents and not buy you anything. The MIL saying they don't like you is the icing on the cake. Your DH is just as bad. He should just say his pressies are from both of you and have done with it. So sorry, op. It may seem petty, but this is hurtful stuff.

I don't understand why you buy them separate presents if you are a couple.

But anyway if they don't do it for you then you can stop. They are adults.

If these horrible, ignorant women are so concerned that you're trying to "buy" their love, then I'd suggest you beautifully wrap up a single carrot (sliced or unsliced!) for each of them. DH will surely be satisfied too. Fuck them all, OP!

This is a tricky one. I think in your position I'd navigate this the way I dealt with a similarly ungrateful family member.
So.
I bought Oxfam or Save the Children 'gifts' in their names. In their cards I got with them, I wrote, with as much 'sincerity'/irony as I could muster, something along the lines of "we all have so much at Christmas, and as we've all.reached a time where we always exchange gifts each year ( #stifled laugh) and how generous natured they are ( # another snort from me) I knew they would prefer I gave a gift to those most in need, in their name, now that we are all so lucky to have so much in our lives.
Festive Blessings
loving step parent xx

They absolutely will know what message you are sending, but how can they complain, when you've been so generous on their behalf....
Let this go, now. They wont change, wont start buying you thoughtful gifts. So nothing missing under the tree for you.
Should you wish to continue to gift from them to other charities going forward...that's your call. But this action says clearly, no more gifts for.you ungrateful c&ws. going forwards.

Be sure to sign up for updates for them from the charities too :-)

Aww Op, i read this after I posted - though what I said stands.

But you deserve way better. I hope you are seeing this.

What rot we read on here around Christmas time more than usual I mean

OP, absolutely stop buying them as much as a card.

But you have a huge DH problem.

I couldn't stay with such a man tbh. He is allowing you to be treated so badly.

I bet you host and wait hand foot and finger too. Even if you don't, your DH is an absolute prick. I would tell him to fuck right off - for good.

PS I don't think it's necessarily a reflection of whether they like you or not. Lots of people are self centered, or not actually fussed about gifts, or just keep doing what they've always done assuming it's fine.

I think, either stop buying for them, or else DH should tell them he expects them to include his wife and all adults buy for each other.

I never buy my step children presents - my DH is in charge of buying for them and he labels them from both of us.

I think you are reasonable. I never get anything from my step children either. Most of the time I don't mind but one time they both gave their Dad, our dc and other family gifts right in front of me and I was the only one left out. I admit it did rankle. One of them earns a lot of money too.

No they're old enough to realise you buy them gifts even though you don't have to and they could do something nice for you. If your DH wants you to buy them gifts he should feel the same way about how they treat you and he's wrong. I just wouldn't say anything else about it and he can either think on it or have a word with them. You're not the problem.

I am surprised they haven't bought you a little something, even a plant or flowers would be nice, or else a nice joint present for both you and your husband. They could at least buy for your children, that is mean.

There's not much you can do about it, they are thoughtless. It's beyond me but I enjoy buying and wrapping gifts.

I suggest you don't buy them anything but if they come to you over the Christmas period, have a small gift on the tree for each of them. A bottle of nail varnish or similar.

Your husband's attitude is awful but I expect he is embarrassed by it and doesn't know what to say. No doubt he gives them something.

That's life. Don't let it spoil your enjoyment, have a happy Christmas.

I would stick my neck out & ask them why they have never recognised my birthday or given me a token gift at Christmas. I'd tell them it hurts to feel your not considered especially when you always consider them.

when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.

sorry I can’t properly follow this with the typos, your MIL straight up said her granddaughters don’t like you? Or that they don’t like those specific gifts or gifts in general from you? Or they feel like you’re trying to buy their affection?

Are your DC also your husband's DC which would make them half siblings?