Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

Wow ..nasty husband you have there ..he's not in your corner is he

Good question - does your DH buy his own present to your DC, or do you just add his name onto whatever you buy? Are you happy with the arrangements? Are they fair?

The transition from being a child who receives gifts to an adult who gives them can be tricky, especially around the late teens, but by the early twenties most young adults have cottoned on that they should be buying reciprocal gifts.
That these two young women haven't realised is down to very poor parenting by your DH. It is his job to point out to them where they are going wrong.

Do they buy him gifts? If not, it shows they are still in a parent-child relationship with him, rather than adult-adult, and so by extension they are not relating to you as equal adults.

You should not be expected to buy gifts for adult family members, especially if they don't reciprocate. Well done for calling a halt to this.

No way should you buy them anything. Life is based on give and take and they take without giving which makes them selfish..........you owe those two nothing and he owes you an apology for his toxic attitude.

I second @Fraaances - @Mamana127 - in the day ask for help in a manner that would make it churlish for them to refuse.

I’ll let you lot load the dishwasher whilst I do ‘this’ / get a well deserved drink.

Give them jobs, leave the clearing till later and DH can do it. You’ve done the main brunt of the work - don’t do it all. Sit down with them and everytime someone stands up ask them to get you a top up etc.

When we got married I chose a date and the 27 year old said we can’t get married that day because it’s a day before her birthday I thought it was a joke but he was actually begging me to pick a different date. My MIL went ballistic at him as I was just stunned into silence. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said no and she didn’t come to the wedding the youngest one came though and even did a reading.

Bloody hell. I'm lost for words. Honestly, your dh is the issue here.

Sorry OP they sound ungrateful and doesn’t sound like your DH has helped this particular situation. Gifts for SC have always been from both of us and we both contribute equally to Christmas spends so it’s definitely a joint effort here.

I think you need to value the people that value you

Please tell me you’re going to ask them to clean up after themselves too….? Wash the dishes? Empty the dishwasher? Buy a takeaway? Something?

They sound awful, although your MIL sounds sensible and - hopefully - kind to you? Value the people who value you back, OP

Tell your DH not to buy separate gifts from him to your kids to even it out. (Although I can probably take a punt he doesn't buy them anything anyway.....)

They sound like a right pair of selfish spoit brats to be honest.

Usually I'm always biased toward step children but to have your dc make them things and still get nothing for them is not kind.
I'm amazed though that your dh brought them gifts seperate and didn't always add your name??

No don't do it op and remind him what his mum said

Yanbu.
It's perfectly normal for all gifts to be "from" both members of a married couple so whatever he has bought them should be from you too. That your crap DH is refusing this and expecting you to spend on his daughters with no hope of reciprocation is pathetic on his part.. It's fine for both you and your stepdaughters to decide you aren't on each other's gift lists.

So you are a glorified housekeeper? Ltb and don't look back.. Bonus being you can't be rid of the leeches also... Possibly keep in contact with mil!! Just to hear how they manage without you!

Yes he does. Or gives them money. And that’s why he was asking me why I haven’t got them presents this year.

It is so bizarre to me that he would buy them presents just off him and expect you to do the same off you. That isn't normal.

I think it probably says a lot about your relationship? Doesn't sound like he sees you as being part of a team.

You have a massive DH problem here and I'm guessing he's enabled his dds bad behaviour massively over the years hence their disregard for you.

They, and your husband are all nasty pieces of work.

I can’t believe your husband thought it was acceptable for him to send presents to them from only him, over the years.
That was a mistake.
And they are horrible grown up brats, sadly they will never change their attitudes.
You do right not to bother.

At their ages they are old enough to realise it’s quite rude not to buy you a gift whilst accepting yours every year. Most people would feel embarrassed if someone got them a gift and they didn’t have one to hand over in return. However no one has to buy a gift for everyone they know just because it’s Christmas and that goes for you as well. If you don’t want to buy them one then don’t, if your DH does he’ll know where the shops are I’m sure

I have two stepsons and they have rarely bought their half siblings (my kids) anything. Occasionally they'll ask my son to go to a footie match (they are season ticket holders) if one of them can't make it (so not really spending money other than a beer or two). There's 13 year gap.
When my DH was alive he bought them presents from all of us. When he passed away (they were adults by then) I still bought them gifts. Then I started just getting them Christmas gifts. As I said they occasionally got my kids something, never me. Anyway they both have kids now so I get the grandkids something and don't bother with the adults. I don't think they've even acknowledged my kids birthdays last few years, and even though one of them did ask what my DD would like on her 18th nothing materialised.
I still buy their kids gifts. My kids don't expect anything and don't buy gifts for them either (as they are now adults).
But why doesn't your husband buy them their gifts?

I am really surprised that your DH didnt step in years ago and encourage them to buy for you or buy on their behalf when they weren’t adults. They have learnt FROM HIM that you arent that important and thats the worst part of all this.

After years of receiving regifted tatty Boots 3 for 2 crap from one sibling, and stuff that was years too young for my kids ages from the other (that would end up going to the charity shop) it’s been a huge relief. Previously across the family we would receive 6 gifts (2 each, one from each family and would have to buy for eleven people in return) so to have that cash freed up to spend directly on ourselves at Christmas has been much better for us.

No one has said anything either way, but then again I rarely see some of them and don’t see other family members at all so it’s not really an issue, and I don’t care much what they think.

Tell him why should you waste your money on them when they don't even get you a card. I'd laugh in his face and tell him to come back when he's ready to accept that you aren't getting them anything because why should you spend your money? As for Not writing your name on the gifts? He's petty.

As ever, the first response nails it.

What horrible women, and your DH is a cock of the highest order.

We do too - our presents to my parents, and his brother, etc are all from both of us, although I choose, buy and wrap for my family and he does the same for his. We both sort the kids' presents. All from "us". I imagine that our 19 yr old son will, for example, be able to identify that I chose a book on linguistics through history for him this Christmas, and DH chose the skiing socks, but they will both have a tag saying "Love Mum and Dad".