What is it with people being so dismissive ?

I know exactly what you mean OP - my granny used to do this all the time and it was so difficult to have meaningful conversations with her!
I think for her she was almost afraid of strong emotions and just wanted everything to be ‘nice’. So anytime I wanted to talk about something not being all roses and kittens she’d try and dismiss my emotion.

I May have this wrong but do you think they are either trying to play devil’s advocate to try and help you see the other side? Or, that they have agreed/sympathised with you in the past and somehow it has made it worse for you and fuelled the flames of your unhappiness dragging an issue out for longer?

What I’m trying to say is if my children had an issue that I see they were het up about, sometimes I would downplay it or not overly sympathise with, simply because it seemed to exacerbate matters if I engaged too much or asked too many questions. It is a fine line and I have been accused of not taking their side, if that happened I would apologise and say of course I am, perhaps that is they part you feel you are missing in support from your family?

Moving forward, perhaps discuss work less or more lightly unless it is a real tangible issue you need support with?

I get what you are saying OP but I think it's just wasted energy on your part to be upset about this. Having expectations about how other people should respond to you is really only going to cause misery most of the time.

It would be nice if people were more empathetic and knew what to say, but sometimes they just aren't.

You have to build your personal resilience and not expect others to validate you or do what you expect.

You know that the company is behaving in a shit way, so that's enough really. Just have confidence in your own opinion/ belief. You don't need others to say it as well, you know it.

Also I'm sorry you are going through that at work!

Agree. That reply was really jarring to read! It makes me think that OP perhaps isn't the type of person she believes herself to be.

It could be total lack of comprehension and understanding in that case.

Before I had dc I knew my working life was going to change. But I had no clue about the extent of the impact.

Nobody likes a whinger

Maybe you're right then and they just think you're a whiny idiot

I wonder if this is an indicator of why this might be happening. You seem to be saying here that it is more acceptable to blindly reassure someone with cancer that it will all be fine than your potential work culture concern.

I realise that you said you don’t have form for being over dramatic or over thinking, but this post suggests otherwise. I wonder if you do t notice how you come across.

Maybe they just asked how the new job was to be polite and you responded with a 20 minute monologue.

People just switch off as, (sorry, but), they don't actually really give a shit how your new job is.

In future just say, 'yeah it's alright, a few weirdos y'know'. If they want to know more detail they'll ask.

When most people ask how your job is going, it's just small talk and they don't actually care all that much.

They were probably expecting you to say "yeah, really good thanks" or "well, work is work!" - they don't want to hear you ranting and complaining about company culture or some colleague they know nothing about about.

It sounds to me like you saw it as a question that required an honest and detailed answer whereas they were just being polite and making small talk with you.

If you no the relative is like this when why give them such a story when they are just making small talk? They clearly didn't want a big drama conversation. Maybe it's a case of over sharing on your part, some people will be ok with all the detail and others won't.

I once told a newish friend about my difficult family dynamics. She said, ‘I am sure it’s not that bad’. I felt irritated and dismissed so never confided in her again. I had supported her through some serious crises by then and am very emotionally responsive. I think it’s poor social skills on her part.

I don’t think it’s worth overanalysing. Just don’t tell them important stuff any more.

That is true. But the OP stated she's not a "moaner" complaing regularly about things but that when she is, she doesn't find the suitable respons. And even if you think someone "ought to" just make small talk due to setting and that person talk about grievances good social skills is to take it in a stride and be the listener she needs rather than be dismissive;rude.

I think they were making small talk and perhaps surprised when you brought up work issues. Not every conversation is a deep one.

Or the way you think they behave if we could see both sides what would we be seeing?

No idea (joke)

Are the people doing this rather posh op?

The reason I ask is that I have come across certain rather grand types, who have obviously been taught that it is impolite to moan about anything if “one is reasonably comfortable don’t you know” 😀

It’s a sort of upper class code. They communicate with total confidence and unerring positivity. And very superficially . And, rather weirdly, with almost rigid facial expressions.

It prevents any meaningful conversation about anything. And it also, rather conveniently, puts a barrier between you and them, and stops any controversial topics cropping up involving work and money.

If so, it’s not you, it’s them!

Btw op, it’s rather ironic on a thread about being dismissed, how many posters are dismissing you, No one gives anyone the benefit of the doubt any more do they?

You expressed a legitimate concern which a family member dismissed in quite an off-hand way, so it’s understandable you feel upset.

I think usually this sort of thing hzpoens because of what is going on in the other person’s head and usually, it’s not really about you.

Could they be jealous of you and your job? Are they thinking in their head “what’s she got to worry about?”

Or could you having this job suit them in some way, either financially, or because of reflected glory? Or do they worry that their circumstances will change in some way if it doesn’t work out? Or could there be another reason why they are invested in you keeping this job?

Or maybe it was about the topic of your conversation and they have some prejudices about working women? Or they struggled with childcare and wrongly think you have more help then they did, but don’t want to say that out loud? Or something similar?

Either way op, I hope your new job works out for you. It can be very hard if everything else seems right about a position but you just don’t feel at ease in the company culture. (Give it six months and make a decision maybe?) 💐

It’s their social response - a kind of “there, there,” calming reply intended to reply to your concerns while moving the topic on to something’nicer,’ I think.

Sometimes it can be very tone deaf. But I think it’s meant in a vaguely positive way.

And some with good social skills understand when to have small talk and when to have detailed conversations about work grievances. And when it’s time to move on.

I think that it’s helpful to reflect and kinda work out what kind of conversation works with different people.

One person I know likes to have deep and meaningful conversations, whilst another is quite easily triggered, so prefers to keep things quite light. I’m mindful about their preferred communication style when I’m with them.

Maybe your people just can’t/don’t want to engage with what they perceive as negativity. That’s ok, just keep things quite light with them and tell other people your negatives.

I think what I’m trying to say is maybe it’s not that they’re wrong or you’re wrong. It’s not a one stop shop.

For some it is hard work to just listen to a person and validate their feelings. For those with emotional maturity it comes naturally so no hard work at all.