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AIBU?

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Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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5
StaunchMomma · 17/12/2024 23:58

Aaah, OP - I'm so bloody glad to read your updates!

WELL DONE, YOU!!!

It sounds like you're doing everything right and your family are being brilliant.

Really chuffed for you.

I hope you have a wonderful, egg-shell-treading-free Christmas with your family and little ones.x.

Minc · 17/12/2024 23:49

IdylicDay · 17/12/2024 14:54

Oh ok, but wouldn't it be DD though in that case? Just trying to figure out where the A comes into it.

Show quote history

It’s not an acronym — it’s a word, like ma for mother, pa for father, ta for thank you

Jimjamssy · 17/12/2024 23:34

Those rings could be emergency money for him.

If you can, get an old phone and record your conversations with him, particularly him and his coke problem, aggression, verbal abuse, taking your rings and lying..

Do not return those rings.
You really have this.

LivelyMintViper · 17/12/2024 23:29

Hope you have a great Christmas! Proud of the way you've found your strength

Caerulea · 17/12/2024 23:25

Note to self - never fuck over an Irish woman! Girl you're cold af & it's awesome.

If the crash does come it will be short lived, I'm sure, there simply isn't space in your life for this repellent creature.

Beesandhoney123 · 17/12/2024 23:19

All.power to you, so lucky your family have rallied round. Do you have a large and menacing looking cousin who would live with you and just be around because your not so dh won't go easy and it will be a drain with him turning up and caterwauling outside the house. Or insisting it's his house and getting in.

Just tell yourself in a years time it will be over. I would get the police to take the baggies so it's on record in case he makes a nightmare of himself with the dc. Or tries to stick it on you and you find yourself fighting for the dc.

Whatever he says, he doesn't mean it. If you cry, you're mourning the early days and what you thought it would be like. Its normal.

Imbusytodaysorry · 17/12/2024 23:14

@Craics90 i am saying he took your rings off you to match the story he has been telling that you are “split “

Was it just his mates out on Saturday or his “work” junior and friends .

It gets better with him than ever anticipated.

I don’t think you ever will take him back , truly hope you keep him gone .

He really did think he had you where he wanted you .

What a merry Christmas you and the kids can and will have now . ❤️

MeTooOverHere · 17/12/2024 22:48

SpryCat · 17/12/2024 19:03

Check to see if he’s took out any loans or remortgaged the house Op he might of forged your signature.

Edited

THIS ^

Ydkiml · 17/12/2024 22:42

You sound like you’ve found your strength , good on you , he sounds horrible,

Original poster
Craics90 · 17/12/2024 22:41

Here girls the calls this afternoon were telling me of our love story and how he couldn’t live a day without me… I’ll let god do his work on that one 😇

The children have been great you know the house is so much more settled and at peace. It’s so lovely having family around and being genuinely happy. Why didn’t I kick him at the first hello?

The calls and messages I’ve got today he hasn’t asked once about the children. He started off as Romeo and as we all knew, the mask slipped and he’s back to Beelzebub

Awful hard luck about the key snapping and having to replace before Christmas 🙄 SIL has donated two extra door bell cameras to cover garage and back of house.

DAH (asshole husband) is a developer and I’ve discovered that there hasn’t been much developing going on other than the development of romance between the junior accounts girl. Her mam didn’t have a lot to say about that…

Cheating husband friend and his wife landed here about 6 this evening. I calmly asked would they like to take a bag each for DAH. Of course cheating husband friend was slandering him to the ground I think he’s worried I’ll let the cat out of the bag.

Here’s the topper though, my rings are in his wardrobe underneath his “funeral shoes”.

We’re having a December bbq this evening. There’s a lot of Canada Goose in there 😗

Thank you all for your support. I’m unsure if I’m slipping in to madness or if I’ve just had the blinkers taken off but either way I am feeling pretty good.

Thank you all so very much, I didn’t think this much support would have ever come from a thread. You’re amazing 💚

OP posts:
saraclara · 17/12/2024 22:37

Do you know where he took the rings? I dare say they might not release then to you, but if you have proof that they're yours (photos?) maybe they'd at least not release then to him and just hold on to them.

And seriously, well done. I love the confidence in your voice now (and the Irishness in the way you're relating all this). You're great!

MeTooOverHere · 17/12/2024 22:22

IdylicDay · 17/12/2024 14:49

What does Da/DA stand for? I thought Dear Aunt, but you say 'he'?

Edited
Show quote history

Irish for Dad.

MeTooOverHere · 17/12/2024 22:15

VaddaABeetch · 17/12/2024 10:51

@Craics90 you need to get to a good solicitor

He thinks this is a game, that he can toy with you but that he will win. He’ll stay away a while & reappear when he can cause maximum drama. He’ll use the children as a weapon (you can’t keep me away from my kids).

You need to start putting measures in place to permanently get away from him.

Again he thinks this is a game. You need to take your ball back & end it.

AGREE.

Use the time he's gone to line up your ducks and start getting legal filing done.

Get your identity and other official papers together and maybe give them to your parents to hold for safekeeping.
He'll be back, all lovey dovey; he thinks he's letting you stew. Don't stew, marshall your troops and be ready for him.

Donsyb · 17/12/2024 21:24

Craics90 · 17/12/2024 16:26

I've taken passports, children's details, house documents etc to parents. Banking on my side is all online. Join account is really just for scrap like holidays etc.

Would you believe my key snapped in the barrel just now 🙈 terrible tragedy this close to Christmas. Waiting on a local tradesman coming to replace - the wee gem that he is.

He didn't like da knowing is right, friends wives have all been in contact today and I've laid it on thick with a few home truths. To hell with them all!!

MIL is like wee a hamster who's gotten in to bag of smarties. Thinks she's Prada but is more Pennies if you catch my drift? Currently on husband no 4, don't know how she can be arsed with another if I'm truthful.

20K never mentioned to me and I certainly haven't been any better off because of it. I have it in file for Solicitor. What else would I need to include?

Show quote history

Did that include the wife whose husband has been cheating on her? Did you tell her if so?

livingafulllife · 17/12/2024 21:20

If i get left anywhere i find my own way home.
And get rid of the trash when i get in.

Minc · 17/12/2024 21:13

Expect increasingly more frantic phone calls from his friends' wives, as they face pressure to have him over Christmas. Also -- you have the makings of a writer: consider a monetised blog/ book etc in the future. :)

Imbusytodaysorry · 17/12/2024 20:40

Craics90 · 17/12/2024 16:33

Ah girls, as one of you predicted, he's called me three times just one after another.

I've got a voicemail but I'll wait that out and won't ne opening in a hurry.

I'll assume that the messages will start flowing too.

One thing that's for sure, he can play the fiddle all he likes. I won't be dancing to his tune.

Sadly it was me / maybe others too .
Wonder why he is calling ? Abuse maybe as your telling truths about him. .
Maybe he thought he was away for a few days Coke and women and he is hearing through friends that his marriage is over.

I am glad you have friends staying !
What a coincidence with the broken key 😊

The person who posted here on Saturday sounds so different to the person posting today.

Well done for finding your strength.

lizzyBennet08 · 17/12/2024 20:02

Op
I'm so sorry that you've been treated like this by someone who was supposed to love you .
I agree it does sound that be has perhaps met someone else and all of a sudden is allergic to you . I'm so glad you've support in real life and absolutely tell everyone about his vile behaviour. He absolutely does not deserve you
Don't be tempted to take him back even if he begs. He has shown you his true self . Believe him .

PracticalLady · 17/12/2024 20:01

He's an absolute arse and you deserve better!

SpryCat · 17/12/2024 19:03

Check to see if he’s took out any loans or remortgaged the house Op he might of forged your signature.

Jimjamssy · 17/12/2024 18:53

Talk to your solicitor about where his money might be.
A forensic accountant is money very well spent to find out where he might have placed money.

Empasise the coke, him hiding money to spend it on drugs.

Lay it on with a trowel.
How terrified you are of him when he is on it.
Terrified of him around the children.
Terrified of him driving the children while on it.

Let the fxxker know you are more than prepared to go to the police and his employer.

Most employers wouldn't be impressed to be informed their employee is being divorced by his wife because he is an abusive coke head.

Like I said, lay it on with a trowel.

You have got this.

Thelittlehouseonthehill · 17/12/2024 18:44

OP you amazing. Keep that strong independent spirit up.

ThatTealViewer · 17/12/2024 18:42

Craics90 · 17/12/2024 16:33

Ah girls, as one of you predicted, he's called me three times just one after another.

I've got a voicemail but I'll wait that out and won't ne opening in a hurry.

I'll assume that the messages will start flowing too.

One thing that's for sure, he can play the fiddle all he likes. I won't be dancing to his tune.

You’re doing fabulously. 💗

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 17/12/2024 18:03

He's bitten off more than he can chew this time - good on ye!

I would say that £20k has likely gone up his nose, and your rings are probably a goner too.

Take the bastard for all you can get x

DearDenimEagle · 17/12/2024 17:38

I second the need to record any verbal interaction on your phone. It saves the ‘he said , she said’ and everyone saying you can’t prove it.

I still have the recordings of mine. Told him , I’d made a copy and left it with my solicitor in case anything happened to me, so they would come after him first. I hadn’t a copy with a solicitor ..but he never realised that.