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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/12/2024 15:15

DearDenimEagle · 21/12/2024 14:56

Tears are good. You lost the life you thought you would have when you moved in together. You’ve had to change direction suddenly with a bombshell discovery. Lots to deal with. It’s natural and normal to grieve, even feel a bit sorry for yourself, and tears of anger are likely also , and better to let it out when it hits.

As above.

But also just to agree that you've coped with this bombshell with dignity and good humour. Glad you have support around you. Wishing you and your DC the best for Xmas.

PotatoLove · 21/12/2024 15:13

You are bloody fabulous, handling this like a Queen 👸 ❤

Fannyfiggs · 21/12/2024 15:06

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are a goddess. You have handled this horrible situation with grace and dignity.

... and she kicked the nasty, cheating bastard out, living happily ever after ❤️

DearDenimEagle · 21/12/2024 14:56

Tears are good. You lost the life you thought you would have when you moved in together. You’ve had to change direction suddenly with a bombshell discovery. Lots to deal with. It’s natural and normal to grieve, even feel a bit sorry for yourself, and tears of anger are likely also , and better to let it out when it hits.

Craics90 · 21/12/2024 14:44

Thank you all for everything girls. I know we never think it’s going to be us, but if any of you ever find yourself in the middle of this utter shite please keep your head high.

The tears have came on a bit again as I slip further in to madness I’m still relieved.

I think for a long time I knew in my bones there was something not right. Maybe not so much with him but I knew I wasn’t in love anymore.

We had some craic all the same but I’m a firm believer that the craic will be 90 once more and we’ll truly come out on top with the life we deserve.

On another note, found some size 6 knickers from Pennies in a pair of work trousers. Don’t belong to junior and certainly not my own.

Sure if you didn’t laugh you’d cry and we’ll just keep laughing because no bastard should ruin our 60€ lashes 😂

So much love. You’ve been my rocks. 💚

OP posts:
Craics90 · 21/12/2024 14:38

Bumcake · 21/12/2024 13:16

I’ve missed something here, where did the sidepiece come in? Is that who he is staying with now, or who he went off to join on his birthday? Either way I don’t understand why she’s contacting OP, what does she want?

@Bumcake she’s a girl who worked in for him in the office I’ll not sink her by giving details but she’s very young.

Her mam was a friend of mine, would have been in our home about 3 nights a week give or take.

He’s not staying there because junior side piece lives with her mam. Mam is disgusted and I think in disbelief but she’s admitted all.

She writes in her essay that he told her we had finished, but she and her mam had been in with me on the Friday before this all kicked off!

Can you believe the gall? She’s got bigger balls than him that’s for sure.

OP posts:
Bumcake · 21/12/2024 13:16

I’ve missed something here, where did the sidepiece come in? Is that who he is staying with now, or who he went off to join on his birthday? Either way I don’t understand why she’s contacting OP, what does she want?

Shouldbedoing · 21/12/2024 10:57

The gall of her. I'm gobsmacked, but it's probably sheer ignorance/naivety.
Ignore her, as you're doing.
Have a lovely Christmas with your loved ones.

jeaux90 · 21/12/2024 10:56

Ah the sweet smell of liberation OP! You are doing brilliantly.

Plastictrees · 21/12/2024 10:55

Just joining in the chorus to say you are totally fabulous - what a lesson in self respect, tenacity and general bad assery! You have undoubtedly done the right thing by leaving this idiot, he is not worth the mud on your shoes. Onwards and upwards for you and your children! What a peaceful 2025 you will have without this oaf bringing you down!

Serenitymummy · 21/12/2024 10:47

I've been reading this since the start and would just like to say that you are fucking amazing and utterly inspirational. Be proud of yourself because you are handling this so well. Have a fantastic relaxed free Christmas with your little ones

Jimjamssy · 21/12/2024 10:45

Keep those messages and pass them on liberally to friends and family.
Just more proof as to the scum he is.

Cheating, abusive coke head.
2025 is going to be so much better for you.

Craics90 · 21/12/2024 10:29

Fannyfiggs · 20/12/2024 22:11

What, his junior play thing is calling you? Wtf!!!

@Fannyfiggs I haven’t answered her calls but I got an essay of an apology and a request to meet up!

I’m not a bit angry at her in all honesty. She’s only a young bird starting out and the big man with the big shoes has smoothed her over in all her naivety she’s been swept up.

I won’t be meeting up with her all the same. My da used to say “you’ve made yer bed so ye can lie in it”. Used to drive us mad. But here, swings and roundabouts girls 🤣

OP posts:
ClarasSisters · 21/12/2024 10:27

WendyA22 · 21/12/2024 09:55

Obviously my response was right at the start after only one post.

Huh?
Clearly it was "really marriage ending stuff", which your post shows you doubted. How does that make you right?

WendyA22 · 21/12/2024 09:55

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 19:08

OMG would you really accept it if your husband told you that you would have deserved to be raped or murdered??Would he have ditched you in a city centre leaving you to find your own way home? And the rest!

Did you even read the thread?

Obviously my response was right at the start after only one post.

DearDenimEagle · 21/12/2024 09:40

I think you do right to keep his messages. They will be all over the place and will be very telling against him, if they are even half of what mine sent me. In these days of no fault divorce, they aren’t relevant but if he tries anything else, they can be useful and might help with custody arrangements if he looks deranged, unstable, potentially threatening or otherwise not a fit person to have children in his care.
If you do end up speaking with him…if he turns up, put your phone on to record before engaging. Best to just ignore but it can be difficult and even recording him banging on the door etc and what he says is better than nothing. If anyone says you have to let him in it’s his house too, tell them you fear for your safety.

ThePoshUns · 21/12/2024 09:11

@OneWildBiscuit RTFFT 🙄

OneWildBiscuit · 21/12/2024 09:07

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Why the hell are you with this man?

Seriously, for your own wellbeing and that of your children, go now.

rhianfitz · 20/12/2024 22:26

I’m so proud of you….for getting rid of him and introducing Mumsnet to gobshite

Fannyfiggs · 20/12/2024 22:11

What, his junior play thing is calling you? Wtf!!!

Craics90 · 20/12/2024 21:44

Hi girls, reading through all your messages is just overwhelming. You are all legends 💚

I have 112 WhatsApp’s. Considered blocking but I’ll keep all incase something happens.

Still asked about DC. All about him.

Junior play thing has been calling non stop too.

Doing some wrapping tonight on the Vino watching the Holiday and I feel so at peace.

Thank you all for keeping me grounded and for all of your support.

Nollaig Shona Duit 🎄💚

OP posts:
NippyCrab · 20/12/2024 12:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Hiddle1976 · 20/12/2024 12:15

WinterCrow · 20/12/2024 07:46

And then when that doesn't work, it's 'cancer scare' stuff and cryptic messages about candles and death on Facebook.

Every now and then I get a text "Ring me, its important". When the kids were younger I'd fall for it. I just ignore them now.

Easipeelerie · 20/12/2024 12:04

WinterCrow · 20/12/2024 07:46

And then when that doesn't work, it's 'cancer scare' stuff and cryptic messages about candles and death on Facebook.

This reminds me of my boyfriend at university who I found sitting on a chair placed in the middle of his darkened room holding a penknife towards his chest. He must have set it up so that when I knocked on the door, he could jump into position. He’s still alive and in his 50s.
,

WinterCrow · 20/12/2024 07:46

Hiddle1976 · 19/12/2024 23:10

@Jimjamssy Oh yes threats of suicide, had that. But by that time I was just numb to it. He's still alive had no intention of harming himself. He would share samaritans posts on Facebook.

And then when that doesn't work, it's 'cancer scare' stuff and cryptic messages about candles and death on Facebook.

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