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AIBU?

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Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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5
Tiredofallthis101 · 15/12/2024 07:35

Hope you didn't open the door. What a selfish horrible man. If he isn't extremely apologetic for behaving like that I'm not sure I'd get over it.

PatchworkElmer · 15/12/2024 07:34

Hope you’re ok OP.

Humphreyshead · 15/12/2024 07:26

Is there more to it?… It’s odd that he just became angry and stormed off. Has he done this kind of thing before?

Jostuki · 15/12/2024 07:22

It all sounds very strange. When presented with your birthday plan for the day he could have said which bits he didn't want to do. For example my husband wouldn't want to walk around a packed Christmas market.

Then you went on a pub crawl? That's going to end in tears!

All very odd and he sounds like an odious toad of a man.

When he can wales the meal you should have taken that as your cue to go home or book into a hotel for the night, on your own.

You weren't stranded, that's overly dramatic but now you know he couldn't care less about you, a decision has to be reached about you're splitting up as he obviously doesn't have any (nice) feelings for you.

rwalker · 15/12/2024 07:22

Locking someone out is like pouring petrol on the fire on the plus side it will gas light them into kick off so you will naturally become the victim in this situation

always best the address this after the event

Littlemiracles232504 · 15/12/2024 07:22

I'm really hoping there's no kids involved in this shitshow!
Sorry OP but this guy sounds like a propper knobhead
Don't open the door, he will only worm his way in once he's sobered up and subject you to more bullshittery in the future
He should go and stay with his mates if he cares about them so much, let's see how they get on washing his underpants and dealing with his tantrums

pestoblush · 15/12/2024 07:20

This is so sad 😞 but you need to make your own life

ZekeZeke · 15/12/2024 07:16

Were you both drunk?
No excuse for his carry on but I'm wondering are we hearing the full story.
You haven't replied which makes me think you fell asleep after your OP.

KimberleyClark · 15/12/2024 07:06

Please leave this arsehole.

THisbackwithavengeance · 15/12/2024 07:02

Why can't he get in?

If he's not got a key, that's on him as you were asleep. But if he's got a key and you've bolted the door so he can't get in even with the key then you really need to let him in. It's his house too and you're on dodgy ground legally.

And don't call the police for a man trying to get into his own house as someone suggested. I'm sure the police have enough actual crime to be dealing with rather than your marital spat.

And yes, his behaviour was shocking. Nasty and manipulative. Are you considering divorce?

LoudSnoringDog · 15/12/2024 06:52

How pathetic

Any normal adult would have just said "I'll go and meet my mates about 4"

What a prick

Teacherprebaby · 15/12/2024 06:50

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

I feel sorry for you that you are married to this man.

SaagAloopa · 15/12/2024 06:47

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 06:42

Hopefully you didn’t open the door… OP once he has sobered up it seems you need to have a serious discussion about your relationship

I genuinely don't think a discussion is needed or would be productive here. Just a simple. It's over.

ChristmasGladTidings · 15/12/2024 06:43

This place is usually full of people rushing to say LTB, but this time, I’m going to have to join in. LTB!!! This is disgusting behaviour. I can’t think of a context in which his behaviour would be in any way mitigated or justified. Raise your standards and get out. Seriously OP, you know you deserve better than this

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 06:42

Hopefully you didn’t open the door… OP once he has sobered up it seems you need to have a serious discussion about your relationship

SaagAloopa · 15/12/2024 06:42

This is not how he should be treating someone he aparantly loves. And you know it deep down. When you were a teenager is this what you hoped for in a relationship? It's hard because these men find women and then they work their way in until it's too late and for some reason they stick with the women but they resent them. For whatever reason they RESENT them. I don't know why they don't leave. I think you should seek counselling for yourself not for couples. And you should build up the strength you need to leave him. If you can leave him now then do so. Do not think of how good it has been in the past, that past has gone now and been replaced with a dark seething resentment in his soul.

Fraaances · 15/12/2024 06:40

That’s revolting behaviour on his part and you absolutely deserve better. Send him a message saying that you dont feel safe with his drunken friends in your home and after his behaviour tonight you wouldn’t feel safe with him coming home until he’s sobered up. Then if he comes back, call the police and let them know you’re being harassed.

Guavafish1 · 15/12/2024 06:38

Open the door… it’s his birthday. It’s wrong to have the door closed.

he is totally wrong for inviting you for birthday drinks out when he really wanted to go out with friends.

Your relationship doesn’t sound healthy and there is bad communication going on between you both.

Justsayit123 · 15/12/2024 06:34

How vile. Can you kick him out? Do you live together? He’s not into you and I hope you’re done with him.

januaryjan · 15/12/2024 05:26

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Leave him outside.

If he tries to call make sure to return his earlier compliment. Tell him to 'F off - he's not your problem'.

cordeliavorkosigan · 15/12/2024 04:46

I'm incensed about your £80!! Get it back, op.
What an absolute arse.

Petrasings · 15/12/2024 04:34

Do not let him in.
Surely this has to end now, the contempt he has shown you this evening is shocking.

pikkumyy77 · 15/12/2024 03:37

Absolutely unforgivable behavior. Why are you staying with him?

Andera · 15/12/2024 03:20

AIBU for not opening the door?

Forget about opening the door. Why in the name of God are you putting up with this relationship? It sounds bloody awful.

Seriously, this is a LONG way removed from how an equal, loving, respectful relationship operates.

Charliecatpaws · 15/12/2024 02:41

Don't open the door as you are sleeping

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