Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Lighteningstrikes · 15/12/2024 10:09

@TheKoalaWhoCould
And where exactly did I say you Didn’t say behaviour was unacceptable??

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:08

Littlemiracles232504 · 15/12/2024 07:22

I'm really hoping there's no kids involved in this shitshow!
Sorry OP but this guy sounds like a propper knobhead
Don't open the door, he will only worm his way in once he's sobered up and subject you to more bullshittery in the future
He should go and stay with his mates if he cares about them so much, let's see how they get on washing his underpants and dealing with his tantrums

@Littlemiracles232504 yes, we have two children. They were with grandparents last night and have no idea about anything. I did tell my mum about it though. He can stay with his friends for all I care right now. I’m so hurt and disappointed.

OP posts:
Jumell · 15/12/2024 10:08

OP I totally sympathise with you and I could basically quote every post on this thread in support !

Nothatgingerpirate · 15/12/2024 10:08

Wow.
Can't imagine my husband behaving like this.
Ever.
Live your own life.
🍀

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 10:06

@Lighteningstrikes do please go ahead and point out to me where I’ve said his behaviour was acceptable? I’ll wait.

StopStartStop · 15/12/2024 10:04

Don't discuss it. Carry on as normal, on the surface. Grey rock where possible. Silently make your plans then leave. Or throw him out.

Lighteningstrikes · 15/12/2024 10:04

@TheKoalaWhoCould
Stop banging on and derailing the thread, it does not excuse his utterly shitty behaviour.
You Don’t know all of the ins and outs of OP’s plans.

Unless you want a detailed report to critique??

Easipeelerie · 15/12/2024 10:03

He sounds truely horrible and you will be well rid if you split.

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:02

Missmarymack2 · 15/12/2024 09:50

I’d be really annoyed. I would expect an apology and for him to foot the 80 pound deposit…I wouldn’t queue for 40 mins to get into a bar also. That’s enough to put anyone into foul humour.

Edited

@Missmarymack2 I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me. I wasn’t keen on queuing for 40 minutes either, but as it’s what’s he wanted to do that’s what I did.

OP posts:
Jumell · 15/12/2024 10:00

Annabella92 · 15/12/2024 02:35

I hope you're making plans to seperate OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you, he has treated you with utter contempt and it would be over if someone treated me this way

THIS TOTALLY !

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:00

Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

@Wonderi I had two glasses of wine and I didn’t want to risk being stopped by the police. I need my driving licence to work.

OP posts:
Fabulouslyunfabulous · 15/12/2024 10:00

Did you let him in in the end?

Jumell · 15/12/2024 09:59

YANBU at all OP.

ive been through some stuff but I’m horrified reading this !!

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 09:59

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

@TheKoalaWhoCould I did spend weeks planning, I booked in to an exclusive bar for a Christmas event he wanted to go to, took weeks ahead to book the restaurant he wanted and for it all to be cancelled on Friday because he said he just wanted to do other things. Instead of saying look I want to go on in with my friends. Which I wouldn’t have minded. Instead he cancelled what I had booked and paid deposits for and started a row so he could do his own thing.

OP posts:
Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

NunyaBeeswax · 15/12/2024 09:58

I hope you're ok op.
I hope you're really thinking about things.

one question I think you should ask yourself,
"Does he love me?"
And then think about how his actions show or don't show that love.
If I loved someone, I couldn't treat them how he treated you, I just couldn't. I'd like to think that most people that love someone, couldn't treat them so appallingly.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:57

@ChristmasinBrighton I did not. And I am not saying his behaviour was acceptable because it absolutely wasn’t. I am saying if the restaurant booking came after a day of traipsing aimlessly around I can see why he’d be disappointed and not be up for it. Booking a restaurant is not “planning for weeks” so if OP had built it up I can see why he’d be disappointed.

Lighteningstrikes · 15/12/2024 09:57

You planned a lovely birthday.
You even gave him several opportunities to opt out of it to be with his friends.
And then he literally abandoned you with such venom in his attitude.
I hope this is the beginning of the end for you.

MontgomeryClift · 15/12/2024 09:55

So, did he stay at his mates? Any word from him.

He was extremely out of order. I hope you are reconsidering your marriage?

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2024 09:51

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

I think you might have missed the bit where OP paid an £80 deposit at a restaurant to celebrate her DH birthday.

Money she lost because he is an intolerable Wankbadger

Missmarymack2 · 15/12/2024 09:50

I’d be really annoyed. I would expect an apology and for him to foot the 80 pound deposit…I wouldn’t queue for 40 mins to get into a bar also. That’s enough to put anyone into foul humour.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:50

@Rosscameasdoody yes but after a day of traipsing aimlessly around. Booking a restaurant is not “planning for weeks” so if OP had built it up I can see why he’d be disappointed.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 09:48

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

She booked his favourite restaurant. And lost £80 deposit because of his strop.

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 09:48

Thank you for all of your replies.

To answer some questions

  • He had no keys with him as I drove in.
  • He’s never done this before.
  • I wasn’t drunk as I had two glasses of wine - mainly because the bars were so busy it was hard to get served.
  • There isn’t more to it.
OP posts:
LoudSnoringDog · 15/12/2024 09:45

As another poster has pointed out. Leaving you on your own is shitty enough, coming home pissed at 2 with a troop of mates suggests he's a self entitled twat and probably presents with other challenges that make him unbearable to live with

Swipe left for the next trending thread