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AIBU?

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Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

Whoyoutakingto · 15/12/2024 10:20

Your Dad is a star, thank goodness he was able to get you. MY DD2 was unintentionally separated from her then BF on a night out.(Neither to blame). She was left without phone (in BF pocket) No money(uses phone) No keys. She was left walking in an unfamiliar area, make up the next to worst ending you can imagine. It has taken 3 plus years for us to get back on track. Court is next year.
Do not let your husband brush this under the carpet, he put you in serious harms way basically because he is a selfish pig, personally I couldn’t forgive him. I am so glad you are safe. 💐

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

OP posts:
Whathappensnowplease · 15/12/2024 10:24

Just read your update about his behaviour this morning OP.
What an odious man.
I don't see how your relationship can continue as he has shown he doesn't respect you , doesn't care about you , and appears to actively dislike you.
Awful for you OP. I'm so sorry.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 10:24

YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 10:17

Goodness. I hope you don’t live and drive anywhere near me and my loved ones.

Show quote history

Agree. I wouldn’t drive after two glasses of wine - especially at this time of year. Depending on the size of the glasses you’d almost certainly be over the limit.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 15/12/2024 10:24

Please leave this vile man, both for your own benefit and for the example your relationship is setting for your kids x

Ohnobackagain · 15/12/2024 10:24

Also @Craics90 knowing you’d get a cancellation fee why didn’t you just go to eat on your own or find someone else to go with? You’ve let him treat you like a doormat.

Ohnobackagain · 15/12/2024 10:22

@Craics90 he owes you the cancellation money as well. Then start planning how to leave him and get out of this relationship.

Whoyoutakingto · 15/12/2024 10:20

Your Dad is a star, thank goodness he was able to get you. MY DD2 was unintentionally separated from her then BF on a night out.(Neither to blame). She was left without phone (in BF pocket) No money(uses phone) No keys. She was left walking in an unfamiliar area, make up the next to worst ending you can imagine. It has taken 3 plus years for us to get back on track. Court is next year.
Do not let your husband brush this under the carpet, he put you in serious harms way basically because he is a selfish pig, personally I couldn’t forgive him. I am so glad you are safe. 💐

Ghostofallnightmares · 15/12/2024 10:20

Jesus, raise your bar. Why are you wasting energy and resources on this twat.

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:20

Stretchanoctave · 15/12/2024 10:17

So where is your car now?

@Stretchanoctave my car is still in the city centre. I’ll arrange for someone to give me a lift to pick it up or I’ll get the bus. Either way I’ll get sorted.

OP posts:
YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 10:18

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 10:17

I never once said he was a poor man or it excused his behaviour. I said I could see how the birthday might have been a bit disappointing as initially outlined in the OP. They had both been drinking and emotions were clearly running high. OP explained further and I then agreed with her.

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It could have been the most disappointing birthday ever. It still doesn’t excuse any of his behaviour. It’s an irrelevant point.

NigelAdjacent · 15/12/2024 10:18

He is not enhancing your life in any way at all. Show him the door. Today.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 10:17

YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 10:15

You do seem quite keen to bang on about the lack of planning and disappointment this poor man must be feeling on his special day. Why?

Show quote history

I never once said he was a poor man or it excused his behaviour. I said I could see how the birthday might have been a bit disappointing as initially outlined in the OP. They had both been drinking and emotions were clearly running high. OP explained further and I then agreed with her.

Stretchanoctave · 15/12/2024 10:17

So where is your car now?

Nothatgingerpirate · 15/12/2024 10:17

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 09:19

the poster has already apologised and asked for it to be removed.

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Yes.
Stop fucking biting for the sake of it, please.

YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 10:17

Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

Goodness. I hope you don’t live and drive anywhere near me and my loved ones.

JaneAustensHeroine · 15/12/2024 10:17

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 09:59

@TheKoalaWhoCould I did spend weeks planning, I booked in to an exclusive bar for a Christmas event he wanted to go to, took weeks ahead to book the restaurant he wanted and for it all to be cancelled on Friday because he said he just wanted to do other things. Instead of saying look I want to go on in with my friends. Which I wouldn’t have minded. Instead he cancelled what I had booked and paid deposits for and started a row so he could do his own thing.

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You did absolutely nothing wrong @Craics90 Whatever you had booked or planned would have likely been wrong or not what he wanted. He deliberately sabotaged your plans. Is he disgruntled generally? I ask because my DH went through a phase like this. I now only book things that I would be prepared to do alone or with a friend so that if he decides he’s not interested then I go anyway. Whatever you do, don’t let his attitude and behaviour stop you from doing things you enjoy. Leave him at home to be disgruntled by himself (they often snap out of it once they realise that you’re going to enjoy yourself anyway).

I hope you get an apology but if you don’t then take my advice and just plan nice things for yourself in future. You can’t help some people enjoy themselves.

Dweetfidilove · 15/12/2024 10:16

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:02

@Missmarymack2 I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me. I wasn’t keen on queuing for 40 minutes either, but as it’s what’s he wanted to do that’s what I did.

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Ah, so he has form for being a dick. Dress up a pig and it's still a pig 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I find it's not worth putting too much effort into a relationship with a twat, as you always end up with egg on your face. Leave him, or treat him with indifference. Just don't be surprised when he's unkind to you.

YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 10:15

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 10:06

@Lighteningstrikes do please go ahead and point out to me where I’ve said his behaviour was acceptable? I’ll wait.

You do seem quite keen to bang on about the lack of planning and disappointment this poor man must be feeling on his special day. Why?

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:15

I let him in at 5.20am as he was back again alone banging the door in and the dog was going crazy. I didn’t want the neighbours to report him either. I sold my own house when we got married and I moved in with him. I feel like I’ve given up everything and myself as a person. He belittles me every day, he calls me posh and mocks the way I speak. He mocks my clothing. He’s usually a very nice and funny man, however I can see a lot of red flags recently. As someone said above, it’s ok saying you love someone but actions speak louder than anything. He didn’t even know that I was home because he never called or messaged. His phone was also dead so he wouldn’t have seen me on the ring cam when he arrived here at 2am. He went back to said friends house and charged phone before coming back at 5.20am. I’ve asked for an apology but all he’s said is that I am a wanker and I got what I deserved. I don’t believe in telling anyone what they deserve because who am I to delegate on anyone’s life?

OP posts:
Rhubarb1936 · 15/12/2024 10:14

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:00

@Wonderi I had two glasses of wine and I didn’t want to risk being stopped by the police. I need my driving licence to work.

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Exactly this - you had had two glasses of wine - one is the legal limit for a woman now that the glasses are 175ml. Amazes me that people still think it’s ok to drive after two! I’m with you - I wouldn’t have driven either. Sorry you had to go through this.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 10:12

Lighteningstrikes · 15/12/2024 10:09

@TheKoalaWhoCould
And where exactly did I say you Didn’t say behaviour was unacceptable??

@Lighteningstrikes can you not read?

I literally said “But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.” and “I am not saying his behaviour was acceptable because it absolutely wasn’t.”

Do you need me to break that down into smaller words for you or something? Confused

bernadetteo · 15/12/2024 10:11

Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

Surely not?

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:11

Nothatgingerpirate · 15/12/2024 10:08

Wow.
Can't imagine my husband behaving like this.
Ever.
Live your own life.
🍀

@Nothatgingerpirate 💚

OP posts:
DrZaraCarmichael · 15/12/2024 10:11

Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

2 glasses of wine would put you well over the limit for driving in Scotland. OP did the right thing not driving.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 10:10

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 09:59

@TheKoalaWhoCould I did spend weeks planning, I booked in to an exclusive bar for a Christmas event he wanted to go to, took weeks ahead to book the restaurant he wanted and for it all to be cancelled on Friday because he said he just wanted to do other things. Instead of saying look I want to go on in with my friends. Which I wouldn’t have minded. Instead he cancelled what I had booked and paid deposits for and started a row so he could do his own thing.

Show quote history

Well in that case there is no devil’s advocate. He’s just a pure arse with no mitigation. That being the case, the thing to decide now is if that’s really how you want to be treated going forward. If you are with someone who puts themselves first, and you are also the type of person to put yourself first, that’s fine. If you are with someone who puts you first and you put them first, even better. But if he’s putting himself first and you’re putting him first, who is putting you first? It doesn’t have to be this way.

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