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AIBU?

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Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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TANK1980 · 15/12/2024 14:50

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justasking111 · 15/12/2024 14:49

Second thread this weekend where cocaine has smashed a marriage. Why do people think it a recreational drug when it turns men from Jeckyll to Hyde.

TANK1980 · 15/12/2024 14:49

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WigglyVonWaggly · 15/12/2024 14:48

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Gosh, have some schools broken up for the school holidays already? I assume a teenager typed this as nobody mature would.

Renamed · 15/12/2024 14:48

You’re the DH aren’t you@TANK1980 ? Or your comprehension skills are very very limited

Tiswa · 15/12/2024 14:47

You aren’t describing a good or nice man at all OP. He does nothing tell you to move out (of a house you have put money into but claims isn’t a marital asset (it is) and is mean and makes nasty jokes

TANK1980 · 15/12/2024 14:46

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Renamed · 15/12/2024 14:46

He doesn’t help, he tells you he doesn’t care, he makes fun of you and laughs when other people do.

He’s a fucking bowsy OP, get rid.

WigglyVonWaggly · 15/12/2024 14:46

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Not one thing. His treatment of you is appalling. You know you deserve better, it’s just very hard to accept when a relationship you are invested in emotionally and financially is over because the next steps are so daunting. It has to be over, though - there’s no love or respect in the way he is treating you. He’s so vicious, personal and nasty.

In one day he’s done the following: called you a tart and a wanker; criticised your appearance when you were feeling good so that you then felt less confident; hung out with coke users; lied that you felt ill to avoid admitting he’d ditched you in the dark; not checked you got home ok; grumped and sulked like a brat despite you doing everything he wanted to do for his birthday; told you’d have deserved it if a man had attacked you.

On other days, he mimics your voice, clothes and belittles you. And all this is knowing you we were bereaved two weeks ago and were with that person as they passed away.

He’s vile, OP - I’ve never met you and I’m still angry for you and at him for treating you in such a disgusting way. I just hope I see an update that you’ve told him it’s over. He’s not fit to have a relationship with you, the pathetic coward. He won’t even admit that he was at fault to ditch you in the dark to hang out with his coke head mates.

SpryCat · 15/12/2024 14:46

@Craics90 get your ducks in a row and see a solicitor without him knowing, see if you can find receipts etc of all you’ve paid into house. Once you have all paperwork, take sentimental items, passports, jewellery and birth certificates to your parents.Tell kids your all staying at parents and leave. X

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 14:43

GivingitToGod · 15/12/2024 14:23

This
What is he normally like OP?
I understand how hurt you are OP, especially when he cunningly had this planned. Time to review your relationship

Show quote history

He’s usually a pretty good fella. He doesn’t help around the house but he would do a lot with the children and is very involved. He would be very kind to me but I would always feel in my heart that I’m walking on egg shells and if something came up like an argument he would tell me to move out or he doesn’t like me or care. But that all stopped and he was back to the same man I fell in love with. He makes fun of how I speak daily and he and his friends use it as the butt of their jokes. He would also say that my clothes are brutal or compare me to Michael Jackson etc. he thinks it’s funny despite me telling him it annoys me. He would stop the world for me aside from all of this normally, and would be very in touch with how I’m feeling and how he could cheer me up or do something to help me out. However, maybe I’m just confused. The more I think about it he’s always been a bit of a dick toward me. Someone made a fat joke about me in the pub a few weeks back and he laughed. He wouldn’t stick up for me. I’m a 10/12 and 5ft 5. I’m by no means perfect or skinny but I wouldn’t describe myself as fat. Maybe a little jiggly lol

OP posts:
Whatwouldnanado · 15/12/2024 14:42

Wow. What an awful situation. You and your children deserve so much better than this. I hope you are somewhere safe and making plans. Glad you have good family support. Do you work? Can you afford to begin making a home somewhere else?

LivelyMintViper · 15/12/2024 14:41

Next time you speak to him either quietly record it or make sure you have a witness because he is going to deny saying any thing like what you have described

TANK1980 · 15/12/2024 14:41

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Renamed · 15/12/2024 14:38

He is absolutely abusive and I hope you leave him.

on an irrelevant note, I know there are much better pubs in Dublin than there are here, but I wouldn’t queue 40 minutes to get into the original Garden of Eden, let alone a bar. Just adds to the all out crassness of the man that he set out to put you through a lousy time before abandoning you.

Ghosttofu99 · 15/12/2024 14:30

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Show quote history

You need to leave him based on this comment. Your husband, who is supposed to love and protect you, says the mother of his children would have deserved to get raped and murdered!!!

He is a piece of work.

Therealjudgejudy · 15/12/2024 14:25

What a total prick he is.

Op, leave him. You deserve so much better.

GivingitToGod · 15/12/2024 14:23

Annabella92 · 15/12/2024 02:35

I hope you're making plans to seperate OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you, he has treated you with utter contempt and it would be over if someone treated me this way

This
What is he normally like OP?
I understand how hurt you are OP, especially when he cunningly had this planned. Time to review your relationship

Jabtastic · 15/12/2024 14:22

OP I hope you have plans to leave your abusive unpleasant husband? Start with chatting to a solicitor.

Mrsbloggz · 15/12/2024 13:58

@Craics90
Your husband is clearly an awful man with no redeeming features. I hope you can escape from this relationship 🙏🏻💗

ClareBlue · 15/12/2024 13:56

They always do. People can't suddenly say their partner deserves to be violently attacked if they have been supportive loving partners up to that point. It just takes something extreme like this to bring all the other shit into some sort of reality and clarity. The post about losing their identity is so common. The critism of clothes choices is pretty classic too, along with spoiling events, making continual 'jokes' about accent, inteligence etc etc.
OP has to leave him if she wants a positive happy future with her children or she can let it get worse and leave him in 5 years, or 10 or never. The hard choice is with her now.

VegTrug · 15/12/2024 13:52

@Craics90 I was a child in a home where my Dad treated my mum like this and I promise you, your kids can/will hear it when you think they're asleep or upstairs playing. I was regularly sat on the top step of the stairs or in the cupboard under the stairs whilst my dad was on one. I heard it all.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 15/12/2024 13:50

I wouldn't communicate with him about money if you do divorce him. Get your solicitor to deal with his. He's an abusive man who feels entitled to ride roughshod over you. That will include finances. Make sure your solicitor has all of the facts about finances - don't let this prick win on this one.

Cornettoninja · 15/12/2024 13:50

He then had a go at me this morning for getting my dad to bring me home as how dare I tell him what happened

ashamed is he? There’s an easy way to avoid that. Don’t behave in a way that you’re ashamed of.

i really hope you take posters advice on this thread. It’ll be tough but not tougher than trying to pretend this man isn’t a prize twat.

VegTrug · 15/12/2024 13:49

@Rosscameasdoody It's called an occupational order and lasts for 30 days, is free to obtain if experiencing domestic abuse and yes, applies regardless of who owns the property.

HTH

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