He left me in city centre…

Goodness, OP.

Please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Here’s a free link. You can start, now. https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

What a nasty, selfish person he is. And how dreadful to treat you in this way. I can never understand people who say stuff like ‘I don’t mind where we go, what we do’ etc. Then whatever you do isn’t the right thing for them, and there is invariably a quarrel.
Separate from him: you deserve so much better!

Just wanted to say to anyone wondering why the OP had to call her dad to bring her home, last night in Dublin was the craziest I've seen it in years. I finished dinner with friends at about midnight and headed for my bus - three went past full and it was getting really tense. The taxi apps were useless and it was impossible to flag a taxi down. I ended up walking out of town for about 20 mins to see if I could get a taxi when another bus came and I managed to get home.

I'm about 30 mins outside the city in an area with a late night bus service - I used to be about an hour out with no late bus so really understand why she rang her dad.

It wasn't a normal Saturday in town - it was chaotic.

Even without last night he sounds emotionally abusive and awful. Calling you a tart, a wanker and laughing at fat jokes about you. The relationship would be over for sure. Hope you manage to get away.

I audibly gasped when I read he said if something would have happened to you, you’d have deserved it. I could not move past this. He hates you OP 😞 he may not even realise it himself, but he does.

im so sorry, I can’t imagine living with someone much less having committed my life in marriage and children to them and have them treat me like this. I hope you find your way through OP. You are not confused. Don’t let him bamboozle you with the times he can be nice. Don’t let your children grow up thinking this is okay either 😞

huge hugs to you.

In Ireland, property owned before marriage is considered part of the "family pot" of assets, which is divided upon divorce. This means that even assets acquired before marriage can be taken into account when determining the division of property. However, the court will consider various factors, such as the duration of the marriage, contributions of each spouse, and the needs of any dependents, to ensure a fair distribution. The fact that the money from your home went into what he considers HIS house and the kids will all be taken into account.

But can I ask if anything has happened to sour the relationship lately as you seem to imply this side of him is new? I'm only asking because earlier you said his mates used white power and if that is the case, is it possible he had been indulging? It sort of fits with some of what you have been saying.

Cocaine can have significant effects on a person's personality, both in the short term and long term. Initially, cocaine use can lead to intense feelings of euphoria, increased energy, and heightened alertness. Users may become more talkative, confident, and sociable. However, these effects are short-lived and can be followed by irritability, paranoia, and anxiety.

Long-term use of cocaine can lead to more profound changes in personality. Chronic use can cause increased aggression, mood swings, and a higher likelihood of engaging in risky behaviours. The drug's impact on the brain's reward system can also lead to a dependence on the substance, making it difficult for users to feel pleasure from other activities.

Manipulative tendencies are RED flags 🚩🚩🚩. You’re obviously trying so very hard to please him which is also odd. The relationship seems very one-sided, do give it a deep thought. You deserve way more respect and value than he’s able to offer you.

At the point he said " if something had happened to you, you would have got what you deserved" Did that kill your marriage stone dead? It bloody well should have. Would he think that of his daughter if it was her ? He is an nasty bastard.

Op arranged a birthday night for him . His fave place for food then onto his fave place for drinks
He asked her to cancel the meal. .funny this was around the time she herd him on the phone to his friends .
She cancels the meal and also offered for him to go out with his friends she would stay home and doing wrapping for Xmas and also collect him .
He said no he wanted to go out with her. .

He then kicked off while they were out. Left OP alone in. a busy city she couldn’t get a taxi or über and in the end had to call her dad.

Horrible husband then appears at the door middle of the night with 3 mates out his face on drink and drugs .
Op didn’t want to let him in. She posted here and here we are.

It’s since came out how he treats op .

What a fucking knob. Leave him. Leave him now before Christmas. Tell him it’s what he deserves.

Seriously ? Have you read the post ?
lets not go back the way for op’s sake

Exactly ! They give a tiny bit just to make you question Yourself.

Haven't read all of the posts as yet but up until where he was smashing on the door.

My first thought is this is cocaine fuelled selfish pig behaviour...

Cocaine hasn't smashed a marriage though really in this case, although might have been the catalyst for it to happen in one go, rather than the slow chipping away at OP's self-worth that was already happening. Him being a sad little excuse of a man is what's really smashed the marriage. He doesn't do his share of work around the house, he's always laughed at/mocked OP, he's verbally abusive when they argue, he's been lying to her about her financial entitlement to keep her in line. The coke-fuelled bashing on the door with his pig mates, and the subsequent nastiness has just lifted the blinds to who he's been all along.

You are married to utter scum, utterly vile.

He is not a good man in any shape or form.
Abusive Coke head.
Make no mistake about that.
Get legal advice and mention his coke habit.
He has shown himself to be the utter dregs of society.
Get a recommendation for good legal advice.
Get on to Women's aid in ireland.
Make it very clear that he has a coke issue.
He is highly abusive.
He pressured you to sell your house so you would be stuck.

Coercive control is a crime in Ireland.
Make it clear that he pressured you to sell your house, put the money into his house, and is now telling you that everything is his.
Coercive control is a crime.
Do not be afraid to say that he is abusive and controlling with a coke problem.
See how he feels about people knowing what utter scum he is.

It is so important you get a good solicitor.
Do not protect him.
Abusive men love secrecy.
Reach out to friends and family and tell the truth.
Your marriage is over so take all the support you can get.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

He is an arse. To leave you in a busy city so he can carry on his evening with his friends, then lie about it, is vile. You know, you deserve so much more. You sound lovely OP. Xx

Adding on to this - he left her alone in the city, she had to get her elderly dad to pick her up. Only right she reflects his actions and doesn't let him in!

Look, I used to be in an abusive relationship as well. Occasionally, he’d mow the lawn for his grandma or take my little girl to the park.

Horrible people are capable of being nice sometimes. But most of the time, they’re horrible, aren’t they.

Your husband sounds like a total a&$€hole. He really does. You have one life in this world — just a few decades: do you want to spend it with this person? Or would life maybe be better without him in it?

I think you already know the answer.

No OP he is not usually a pretty good fella nor is he a funny nice man. He belittles you, makes fun of your clothes and the way you talk, called you a tart and a wanker, laughed when someone mad a fat joke about you, and thinks that if you had been raped or killed when he left you in the city centre you would have deserved it. I can think of many words to describe him, but good, funny and nice would not be amongst them.

' he's usually a pretty good fella '

bu whose standards ?

certainly not mine.

you need to find your bar and lift it off the floor - as that's where it is currently.

I read the opening post and thought 'what a shitty way to treat your wife'...your husband acted horribly last night, but people do sometimes act horribly, especially when they are drunk.

I saw the usual response from some posters...LEAVE HIM, GET HIM OUT etc etc...typical over reaction, you don't leave a husband, father of your children because they act like a complete arse on their birthday.

But then I read the other posts the OP made...he sounds completely vile, from what has been said he has no respect, no love, not even much affection for his wife.
The comment about deserving to be murdered or raped is unforgivable, I truly hope the poster has good friends and family around, because when a husband turns out to be so nasty, I do think it's time to get good advice....including legal advice.

Good luck.