He left me in city centre…

I feel I’ve given up everything and myself as a person.

@Craics90, this horrid man despises you and gets a buzz by making you feel small. He belittles, mocks, curses, name-calls, lies, never apologizes, and laughs when others humiliate you. He intentionally sabotaged the birthday plans (that he requested) and had an agenda to get rid of you, and he potentially put you in harms way and said you deserved it.

He may be using contempt to create distance and make space for someone else, or he may just enjoy stomping all over your feelings and boundaries because he is a mean-spirited bastard. What a shitty father/role model he is.

@Craics90, please make an exit plan and end this destructive relationship. The alternative will result in a life of misery.

if something came up like an argument he would tell me to move out or he doesn’t like me or care.
See that is emotional abuse. You put your money into his home and the he says you can move out if you don't like it. Nope, if you move, you get your money back.

So he is trying to isolate you too. Befriend your dad and then separate you from your family. Another big red flag.

You need to stop tolerating his nonsense. You're unreasonable for continuing the relationship for one more second.

He's an arse and you'd be better off without him.

This is a very familiar seeming discussion.

What a horrible guy. This is emotional abuse. You deserve something safe & respectful.

I thought you said there wasn't more to it?

He belittles me every day, he calls me posh and mocks the way I speak. He mocks my clothing. He’s usually a very nice and funny man, however I can see a lot of red flags recently. I’ve asked for an apology but all he’s said is that I am a wanker and I got what I deserved. I don’t believe in telling anyone what they deserve because who am I to delegate on anyone’s life?

Could maybe leave him a turkey ready meal and a cracker on top in the fridge for good measure!? 🥳

He behaved appallingly. Just not big or clever leaving you like that. Saying you were sick. Saying some unkind things. Rocking home with three amigos just bold! You’re just right to expose to your folks and friends. Speaks volumes he is embarrassed upon the retelling.

You’re hurt. Angry. Probably a bit confused at him being so inconsiderate and unkind. No one should call their spouse a w*nker or a t*t.

Instead of the post-mortem though - why not just pack up and spend Christmas at your folks? Write him a note. Then no more contact leave ball in his court.

I need some time. Being called names and treated so inconsiderate was very hurtful. Your responses since just reiterate that you don’t value me the way a spouse should. We both deserve love and kindness and so will see what happens after Christmas but if you don’t want to be with me (not sure I do either after that) then we’d be better just calling it a day.

“nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”
This person doesn’t love you OP. There is no way I would say that to my partner although I can imagine my ex saying it to me. Move on it doesn’t get any better

This mirrors my previous relationship with my children's dad. I need to be blunt here. You are in an abusive relationship. Please seek help from your friends, family and a domestic abuse charity or professional for support and advice. Domestic abuse is not just physical violence, it is so much more and you do not need to have been hit for it to be classed as abuse. Look up the power and control wheel then look up the equality wheel. Good luck and positivity for you and your children going forward. Kick his ass to the kerb xx

@Craics90 he’s been absolutely rotten to you. I’m sorry ☹️.

It’s clear he doesn’t even like you let alone love or respect you. You know you do not deserve to be treated this way.

This is a perfect case of: when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

He wanted to spend his birthday celebrations with his friends⁉️ I'd dump him for that reason alone‼️ he should want to spend his birthday with ME (ie: YOU) no way would I tolerate that behaviour and leaving you in a city alone and at risk (and you were at risk alone) is totally unforgivable. Dump him, you can do better xxx

What a horrible man, Op - Well done for telling people what an abusive fucker he is. Stay strong & get rid of him!

He put you in a very dangerous and vulnerable position.

This tells you all you need to know:
“nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

This isn't love. There's no care or respect. If you the mother of his children got hurt, raped or murdered you would have got what you deserved. What sort of partner would sat this? He's meant to love and protect you. He put you in harms way. I'm sure even with his male privilege he understands that.

Realistically, he planned on ditching you. He started an argument to do it. He put you on a dangerous position because he got a better offer. You can't trust him. I certainly wouldn't be planning any nights out with him.

I also think his an abusive bully. He makes you the butt of his jokes. A joke is only funny if everyone's laughing and I guarantee that you don't find it funny. He belittling you to make you feel less than.

I think you need to walk, really run, far away from this sorry excuse for a man.

Yes me too. I had an ex like this, start arguments out of nowhere and left me to walk home alone at 3am without checking on me (not in a busy area either)
I didn’t know at the time he was a raging cokehead and kept believing him when he said it was me who was causing the problems in our relationship.
i took a lot of crap because I believed that I was causing him mental health issues!
when I found out by chance he was an addict , everything made sense, all those arguments and disappearances were so he could get on it.
he kept me very separate from his friends too and I believed it was because I wasn’t good enough (older than him and his friends’ partners) and much less attractive than his previous wife and girlfriends.
i was devastated that everyone close to him who I had met never hinted that he was an addict. His best friend met me and told me to ‘look after him’!
an ex girlfriend of his contacted me later on and told me the full story about his addiction and addictive behaviour and inadvertently exposed so many of his lies .
a couple of weekends ago a guy also did something similar to a friend of mine who’s gone to stay with him for a weekend, became mean and moody, she walked out and booked a hotel, she was distraught but they’re finished now, he’s also a massive cokehead.

i digress.

op, your man sounds like a grade a cunt.
not just for his birthday but all the other stuff he’s done and said.
i am shocked that he turned up with his friends to your house, maybe he thought you wouldn’t feel able to be angry if there were witnesses.
i hope you bin him off , you deserve better and can start again.

Well done OP.

Telling the truth about an abusive partner is difficult and so brave of you.
But you deserve every bit of support.
He is a really bad man.
Consider reporting him.
How would his employer feel about you reporting him to the An Gardai for abusing you while coked up?

I think drug taking an abusing your wife is taken seriously in Ireland?

Tell your GP the truth too.

He’s usually a pretty good fella. He doesn’t help around the house ….. I would always feel in my heart that I’m walking on egg shells …. he would tell me to move out or he doesn’t like me or care. …. He makes fun of how I speak daily and he and his friends use it as the butt of their jokes. He would also say that my clothes are brutal or compare me to Michael Jackson etc. he thinks it’s funny despite me telling him it annoys me.

OP, he is so NOT a good fella! Not even good-ish or about average! He and his mates are scum, they really are. No woman deserves this treatment, least of all someone like you who goes out of her way to try to please him.

Please don’t give him any more chances. Your life will be so much better without him, even as a single mum.

1. I would have gone home with dad, and let him worry about where YOU were
2. Perhaps not cancelling the restaurant but taking dad for a meal instead?
3. Why is he separating his friends from you anyway? Sounds like he has not really grown up to be a husband at all

Get your ducks in a row, see a solicitor and get rid of this fucking waster of a man.

You deserve so much more, he’s an abusive badtard who is slowly chopping away at all your self worth. Kick the fucker to the gutter.

He gets worse and worse and worse. Utterly nothing left to salvage here op.
You need to leave him but make a plan with a good lawyer first as he is clearly evil. Document everything. Ducks in a row etc.
stop doing anything kind of wifely for him whatsoever unless the kids will notice and be impacted. Pour your energy into yourself - seeing your friends, saving up, exercising etc

He put you at risk , lied to his friends and doesn’t care enough to apologise.
He won’t get better. He abuses and belittles you and shows no respect.
I think if you value yourself and your children- (his abuse will rub off on them if you stay ,) you need to leave this marriage.
Get some legal advice, make sure you have your money- wages etc in your own personal account & change any passwords.He’s shown you his true colours and won’t be reasonable.

Hes a vile bully OP .