Page 8 | To break up over this? BIL hasn’t left after 5 years!!

Elise89 · 2024-12-14T16:54:51+00:00

I’ve told DP that I am moving out and he thinks I am being unreasonable and is trying to change my mind. I won’t, but thought I’d ask for other peoples opinions. I moved in with DP in summer 2019 after a year and half dating. Near Christmas 2019, he asked if his brother could come and stay with us for the holidays for a few weeks (brother lives abroad). I was really excited to meet him and was more than happy for him to spend the holidays with us. The issue is, he never left! Obviously due to Covid he couldn’t get a flight for quite a while so I was sympathetic to begin with, but it’s coming up to 5 years now and it’s driving me crazy! I basically feel used by both of them, and I’ve tried speaking to my partner so many times, but nothing changes. He doesn’t contribute financially or help round the house. He’s literally sat on my sofa watching TV for 5 years! He did get a part time job after a year or so, and I’ve asked him to give me some money for food shopping and bills, but nothing. He’s able to afford pretty much whatever he wants while I can’t afford new glasses, new clothes etc as all my wages go on bills, travel to work, and food (partner pays the rent as he earns more and our area is expensive to rent). I’ve had enough and have borrowed money from my parents to put down a deposit on my own little flat, so I’m moving out next week. However I’m getting constantly guilt tripped by DP saying that things will change, he loves me blah blah. Anyway, my mind is made up and I’m fed up of being taken the piss out of!

OTannenbaumOTannenbaum · 15/12/2024 11:44

Well done ,op! Please don't ever wash some random man's pants ever again, you're WAY better than that.
Enjoy your new home 😍

BridasShieldWall · 15/12/2024 09:59

Don’t give your ex partner or anyone your new address.

8misskitty8 · 15/12/2024 09:59

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 20:20

Yes it is, it ends next summer. Do you think I need to try and get my name taken off before I go? I’ll take photos of the meters and get the name changed on the bills. Sorry if I sound dense, I’ve not actually lived with someone else before so feel a bit clueless. I’m still moving out next week but don’t want to end up lumped with more to pay

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If you don’t get your name taken off and he doesn’t pay the rent or moves out then yes you could end up paying for this flat as well.

Speak to your landlord and also citizen advice about how to get your name off.

AngelicKaty · 15/12/2024 08:08

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/12/2024 01:02

Assuming your tenancy is on a rolling periodic and not in a fixed term, then you just need to contact the LL and either give your one month's notice in writing OR ask for your name to be removed due to the relationship breakdown. If they won't remove your name, then you'll have to give notice, BUT that will end the tenancy for all of you. It's better for the LL to just remove your name, providing your EX passes affordability checks on his own, or with his brother together. To be honest, having the brother live there is likely breaching the AST terms as it is.

But basically, as long as it's not in a fixed term, you won't be liable as long as either your name is removed, or you give one month's notice.

You should have read all her posts. She does have a 12 month fixed term tenancy which doesn't end until the summer so, unfortunately, ending her tenancy isn't as straightforward as if she had a periodic or rolling tenancy. She will need the agreement of the LL and her STBEx to end the tenancy early and if either doesn't agree, she could be liable for the rent for the remainder of the fixed term. I've already advised her on this above and pasted a link to the appropriate Citizens Advice guidance.

Dustyblue · 15/12/2024 01:27

I can't remember reading such a refreshing thread OP! You knew there was a major problem and you've already pretty much solved it!

Brava Bellissima, you have done well & I wish you happiness in your new home👏

ThinWomansBrain · 15/12/2024 01:06

you've only been unreasonable in tolerating the situation for so long.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/12/2024 01:02

Assuming your tenancy is on a rolling periodic and not in a fixed term, then you just need to contact the LL and either give your one month's notice in writing OR ask for your name to be removed due to the relationship breakdown. If they won't remove your name, then you'll have to give notice, BUT that will end the tenancy for all of you. It's better for the LL to just remove your name, providing your EX passes affordability checks on his own, or with his brother together. To be honest, having the brother live there is likely breaching the AST terms as it is.

But basically, as long as it's not in a fixed term, you won't be liable as long as either your name is removed, or you give one month's notice.

Original poster

Elise89 · 15/12/2024 00:52

Thank you everyone, I will do as a past poster said and keep this chat and read it when I’m feeling weak

OP posts:

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 00:26

Absolutely not. Wishing you strength OP

Copperoliverbear · 15/12/2024 00:12

100% move out and I'd also finish with your partner, he's been using you like a servant for himself and his brother and has let his brother ponce off of you.
Please end it with him and make 2025 a new start a better life what you deserve. X

Tooty78 · 14/12/2024 23:54

Bravo Op👏👏👏
Enjoy your new flat, and have a great Christmas🎅(even if you are working!)

Leatherdoughnut · 14/12/2024 23:35

As others have said - Well done and stay strong!

Normallynumb · 14/12/2024 23:32

Well done you!
New year, new start!

Crazybaby123 · 14/12/2024 23:01

Op you should speak to citizens advice regarding the tenancy. Is your partner likely to be a dixk about it and make problems or is he a reasonable person but just lazy and stuck with his brother? I would get your ducks in a row regarding the tenancy and bills asap before you go.

Seacatt · 14/12/2024 22:03

I am so glad you made this decision!

Enjoy your lovely, new home!

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2024 22:00

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 21:52

Thank you, we did know that we would have to keep the property until the end of the tenancy and we’re not going to leave the house vacant without paying. I guess the issue would be if they don’t pay the rent I will still be liable until the tenancy ends?

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Yes, exactly. And to be clear, you are both jointly and severally liable for the whole rent, so if your STBEx and brother move out and disappear so that your landlord can't locate them, the LL could come after you for the whole rent for the remaining tenancy.

Original poster

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 21:52

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2024 21:41

If you don't have the landlord's and your STBEx's agreement to you ending the tenancy, quite possibly.

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Thank you, we did know that we would have to keep the property until the end of the tenancy and we’re not going to leave the house vacant without paying. I guess the issue would be if they don’t pay the rent I will still be liable until the tenancy ends?

OP posts:

SpryCat · 14/12/2024 21:50

Inform the landlord asap and put it in wring that your ending your joint tenancy agreement.

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2024 21:45

Please read the information at the link I sent you - it tells you all you need to know and is very important.

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2024 21:41

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 21:09

Yes it’s a fixed term tenancy. I did ask my ex whether he would let me stay and he and his brother leave, but he said no. That’s why I decided to leave. Am I going to get in shit for moving out?

Show quote history

If you don't have the landlord's and your STBEx's agreement to you ending the tenancy, quite possibly.

Original poster

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 21:09

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2024 20:53

I think people are assuming you have a periodic or rolling tenancy, but you say the joint tenancy "ends next summer" so do you mean you're on a fixed-term agreement (for example, 12 months)? If so, you must normally get the agreement of your landlord and the other tenant(s) to give notice to end the tenancy. If you end your tenancy it ends for everyone.
If your fixed term joint tenancy has a break clause you have to get all the tenants to agree to use the break clause to end the tenancy, unless your tenancy agreement says otherwise.
If the fixed term has ended or you never had a fixed term, you can give notice to end your tenancy without the agreement of the other tenants - unless your tenancy agreement says otherwise. Again, it's important to be aware that if you end your tenancy it ends for everyone.
To end your tenancy you'll need to give notice in the right way - this depends on what type of tenancy you have - here's some more information on this:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/ending-a-private-tenancy/ending-your-tenancy/
Please make sure you do everything correctly, according to your circumstances, or it could cost you dearly.

Show quote history

Yes it’s a fixed term tenancy. I did ask my ex whether he would let me stay and he and his brother leave, but he said no. That’s why I decided to leave. Am I going to get in shit for moving out?

OP posts:

Ohnobackagain · 14/12/2024 21:09

@Elise89 you must sort out the tenancy. If your name is on jointly or on your own you can still be liable for the whole lot. There may not be a break clause either so you need to find out or you will almost certainly have to pay to the contracted end of the tenancy. You must get agreement or negotiate with the landlord. Likewise the utilitu bills.

SpryCat · 14/12/2024 20:58

Ring up and change all utility bills to your new address, ring each and everyone in c/t don’t bother putting them in your ex’s name, let him sort it out. Redirect all your mail asap and let everyone know not to give out your new address

AngelicKaty · 14/12/2024 20:53

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 20:20

Yes it is, it ends next summer. Do you think I need to try and get my name taken off before I go? I’ll take photos of the meters and get the name changed on the bills. Sorry if I sound dense, I’ve not actually lived with someone else before so feel a bit clueless. I’m still moving out next week but don’t want to end up lumped with more to pay

Show quote history

I think people are assuming you have a periodic or rolling tenancy, but you say the joint tenancy "ends next summer" so do you mean you're on a fixed-term agreement (for example, 12 months)? If so, you must normally get the agreement of your landlord and the other tenant(s) to give notice to end the tenancy. If you end your tenancy it ends for everyone.
If your fixed term joint tenancy has a break clause you have to get all the tenants to agree to use the break clause to end the tenancy, unless your tenancy agreement says otherwise.
If the fixed term has ended or you never had a fixed term, you can give notice to end your tenancy without the agreement of the other tenants - unless your tenancy agreement says otherwise. Again, it's important to be aware that if you end your tenancy it ends for everyone.
To end your tenancy you'll need to give notice in the right way - this depends on what type of tenancy you have - here's some more information on this:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/ending-a-private-tenancy/ending-your-tenancy/
Please make sure you do everything correctly, according to your circumstances, or it could cost you dearly.

If you want to end your private tenancy

Check what steps you need to take to end your tenancy agreement. Check what will happen if you leave without giving notice.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/ending-a-private-tenancy/ending-your-tenancy

mathanxiety · 14/12/2024 20:47

Elise89 · 14/12/2024 17:48

Thank you, to be honest this whole thing has put me right off my partner and I will not be seeing either of them again once I move out. I just think that he let me go on for this long being unhappy and uncomfortable in my home and not being able to afford basic stuff, so clearly he doesn’t care about me at all.

Show quote history

You are right.

Block and move on.