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Original poster

Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

279 replies

namecnge1 · 14/12/2024 14:16

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

OP posts:
chanipumpkin · 14/12/2024 15:09

That's awful OP.

I'd be fucking raging too. Your poor daughter.

TitusMoan · 14/12/2024 15:09

oakleaffy · 14/12/2024 14:54

@namecnge1 Very risky having an alcoholic around wine.

Why even tempt your mum like that?
It’s going to be a pull for her, surely, to see and smell the booze?

All of you were at fault in a way.

How was OP at fault?

TitusMoan · 14/12/2024 15:07

Thatcastlethere · 14/12/2024 14:26

I don't think you are in the wrong for bring annoyed but I think ou may have overreacted slightly due to past trauma.
It would be great if all grandparents parented to the exact standards we would like.. but in reality most don't.
There are things I'd absolutely be livid about (smoking next to a child, driving without a car seat etc) but this is just one of those things that I'd be annoyed about but give the benefit of the doubt over.
First time my MIL looked after our eldest when he was 1 she changed his nappy and did it back to front but then for some bizarre reason left the sleepsuit on him but put a new set of clothing on top of the dirty baby grow.. it wasn't just a vest either but a whole baby grow with feet etc.. and she put a whole bunch of clothes on top. So not only was he wearing the stained clothing but was sweating from the amount of clothing he then had on.
We had only been gone two hours!!

Grandparents do quite odd things regarding dressing kids sometimes.
Even my own parents who were always better at looking after my kids than my ILs have made some g odd choices regarding my kids. Stuff like not rinsing mu daughters hair when she'd stuck a lollipop in it so it all congealed.

Thing is unless the child was actually in danger or distressed I'd just chalk it up to not being used to caring for young children. And I'd give the benefit of the doubt and just have a calm word about how next time they should change her clothing before bed if she's spilt anything on herself. .. and clearly point out where the clothing is.. or better yet leave a spare set next to her bed.

How are they ‘not used to caring for young children’? They had their own young children once.

OP’s not overreacting either. Who the hell puts a baby to bed in red-wine-soaked clothing?

So sorry to read this OP. Given what you’ve said, do you think your mother was actually sober? Has she relapsed?

mrssunshinexxx · 14/12/2024 15:05

I totally agree with you. Putting our children to bed in clean DRY clothes is the bare minimum really as a parent and they couldn't even do that

SnoopySantaPaws · 14/12/2024 15:05

oakleaffy · 14/12/2024 14:54

@namecnge1 Very risky having an alcoholic around wine.

Why even tempt your mum like that?
It’s going to be a pull for her, surely, to see and smell the booze?

All of you were at fault in a way.

Don't be daft. Her Mum has said it doesn't bother her when others drink around her, her Dad took the opportunity to enjoy a nice glass of red wine offered to him without having to leave an open bottle of wine in his home with his wife.

accidents happen, the wine got spilled.

her mum didn't drink.

Cherrysoup · 14/12/2024 15:05

I think your childhood has obviously affected you and possibly caused you to be angrier than you might have been, but their basic lack of brain/care would have made me cross, even without the background. My mum is STILL an alcoholic, I absolutely empathise. Don’t leave the little one with them again.

Tandora · 14/12/2024 15:02

RosesAndHellebores · 14/12/2024 14:48

Reading your post I thought it was going to be covered in wee and poo. I don't think it's ideal but I don't think its the end of the world. My mother in law is a filthy so and so though and by her standards it isn't too bad.

This is what I thought too . Obviously better if they had changed her and they don’t sound very competent, but I wouldn’t be “fuming” about this (especially since they were doing you a favour babysitting ) . Presumably she wasn’t soaking wet when they put her to bed, I’m sure they would have patted her/ wiped her dry even if the clothes were a bit stained/ smelly. I think you are overreacting.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 14/12/2024 15:01

Comedycook · 14/12/2024 14:23

I'd also be questioning why your father felt the need to have a drink...when he's babysitting a toddler and his wife is a recovering alcoholic

lol. As a recovering alcoholic I can tell you it’s not a problem for us, what a bizarre thing to say.

neglectful they didn’t change her though, how weird.

McNicey · 14/12/2024 14:59

Of course you aren't over reacting. I am really struggling to imagine what sort of person puts a baby to bed with red fucking wine all over their sleepsuit - even if just splashes, it is grim.

I can't even stand a slightly wet sleeve and have to take it off. Poor baby would have been uncomfortable, it would have been cold too, plus the smell...

Obviously don't trust them again OP. Their standards aren't up to much so I wouldn't consider my dd entirely safe in their care tbh.

SnoopySantaPaws · 14/12/2024 14:59

Redburnett · 14/12/2024 14:33

You should not have told your DF that he could drink wine while babysitting, especially given your DM's history. If you had not offered alcohol it would not have happened.

Don't blame the OP! It could have happened with a glass of water, the main point is them putting her to bed in a wet baby grow.

@namecnge1 yeah I'd be pissed off they'd put her to bed in a wet baby grow and a bit more pissed off that they'd put her to bed to sleep in the fumes of wine. It's a horrible smell to sleep with! ( I drink wine, and would change if I'd spilt it on my PJ's.. hypothetically as I don't wear any!!)

id also be massively pissed off they hadn't taken her baby grow off & tried to rinse the wine out & left it soaking so it didn't stain, and not also ruining a sleep bag!

I do think it's triggering you though, naturally!!. Try to think how you'd feel if it was orange squash.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/12/2024 14:58

I’d be fuming.

When we had DGS for a sleepover I put a clean pair of pyjamas out, ready to be grabbed in the night, in case his nappy leaked or he was sick or something. If I’d have been at his house, I’d have looked for a clean pair. He’s only got a few drawers.

YANBU at all @namecnge1 it’s not as if they had to trek down the high street to find a new pair of pyjamas is it?

user1471538283 · 14/12/2024 14:57

This is basic looking after a child surely? Even if you don't know where things are you look for them or contact you to ask.

I wouldn't let them do this again.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2024 14:56

It’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard. If I spilt something on a toddler and I didn’t know where her clothing was, I would open up her drawers. If I was really stuck, I would call a parent. That easy

Terrribletwos · 14/12/2024 14:56

What was their excuse about not finding clean clothes and changing her when you said there was plentiful in reach?

Bowlofhotslop · 14/12/2024 14:56

it sounds like you are overreacting a bit which is understandable with your childhood. It was only wine not turps, they didn’t spill it down her throat and she probably just went to sleep a bit damp. It’s not ideal and I wouldn’t be jumping to have them babysit again but it’s not worth a family rift.

sprigatito · 14/12/2024 14:55

I can't imagine red wine next to sensitive baby skin is very beneficial either.

Normallynumb · 14/12/2024 14:54

You are not overreacting at all!!
Loving grandparents care about their grandchild's comfort and safety
As you said, the clean clothes were staring them in the face!!
It could've been her face and she ingested some
I was a laid back parent when my DS's were babies but that is so much more important.
Personally I wouldn't leave her with them again.
Why couldn't he just have a cup of tea instead of wine anyway?

oakleaffy · 14/12/2024 14:54

@namecnge1 Very risky having an alcoholic around wine.

Why even tempt your mum like that?
It’s going to be a pull for her, surely, to see and smell the booze?

All of you were at fault in a way.

Newyearnewnameagain20 · 14/12/2024 14:53

Putting a child to bed when wet is not ok

pigsDOfly · 14/12/2024 14:53

No, you're not over reacting OP.

If your father really couldn't spend the evening babysitting his grandchild without drinking alcohol surely he could at least waited until she was asleep. And how the hell did a small child get close enough to a glass of booze that it got spilled on her.

They don't sound trustworthy nor competent enough to look after a child. In your shoes I wouldn't be letting them babysit again

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2024 14:53

SloppyLasagna · 14/12/2024 14:50

If you are babysitting a baby or child you shouldn’t be drinking. What if there was an emergency and you needed to take baby immediately to A&E in the car?

I think this is ott given the context. Sure if it's a paid for babysitting role. But this is unpaid grandparents. So, in the same way most parents would be perfectly happy to have a drink or two occasionally once their well dcs are put to bed, or to not be able to drive, or to not have a car - as then they'd just taxi it if need be - it's fine.

Thatcastlethere · 14/12/2024 14:52

SloppyLasagna · 14/12/2024 14:50

If you are babysitting a baby or child you shouldn’t be drinking. What if there was an emergency and you needed to take baby immediately to A&E in the car?

OP has said neither appeared drunk and only one glass was gone from the bottle. And also that she specifically offered a glass of the wine as she knew her DF liked it.
It sounds like they would have been fine to drive.

Pancakeflipper · 14/12/2024 14:51

Was out at friends last night and the most popular dessert was a biscoffi cheesecake someone made (I found a friend scrapping the plate for the remaining crumbs).

I'm a lemon torte fan.

ScabbyHorse · 14/12/2024 14:50

I'd be angry too, it shows a lack of basic care and attention. It'd make me concerned if they have her again. I find it really strange.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 14/12/2024 14:50

I’m a granny and of course I’d have changed dgc , put the sleepsuit to soak at the very least, and made sure she had no wine on her skin. Care doesn’t get much more basic than that does it.
If they can’t manage the very basics how would they cope in an emergency? Better to find a capable babysitter.