Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

Spilling alcohol has nothing to do with drinking alcohol?! I agree anyone can spill something - it’s deciding not to bother changing a child and leaving them go to bed covered in wine feels like it’s an impaired decision to me.
but everyone gets to decide for themselves - personally neither my husband or I drink going to work so if I was going to hire a babysitter I’d expect them not to drink! Thankfully my parents wouldn’t chose to use alcohol when minding my kids so I’m content and OP wasn’t happy with the outcome either but if you’re fine with it that’s up to you.

My comment was more about the other posters on this thread who are acting like it’s the most horrifying thing in the world to send a child to bed in stained pjs!

Again with the hyperbole 🙄

No one is claiming that this is the most horrifying thing in the world. But it's pretty fucking weird to knowingly sending a baby to bed in wet, wine stained clothing when the alternative is, you know, dry clothing.

Do you have children?

I would be furious, but if you do let them babysit again, check on the baby, make sure her clothes and her nappy are dry.( even if it wakes her up, I would do this )

like something out of bloody trainspotting!

😂😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️

Yes I see the situation is really triggering for OP because of deep childhood wounds (although tbf it was her father who drank and spilt the wine, so really it’s not her sober mum who should be getting all the heat here). I do have sympathy for OP, and it sounds like she’s recognised she might be overreacting a bit because of her traumatic past.

My comment was more about the other posters on this thread who are acting like it’s the most horrifying thing in the world to send a child to bed in stained pjs!

don't put your mum in the vicinity of alcohol

FFS Her Mum isn't bothered by it.

her Mum didn't have any of the wine.

Don't be dramatic. There was A glass of wine, most of that ended up on the baby& the floor. He's a bit okder so maybe didn't react as quickly as the OP or one of us might to prevent the baby knocking it in his hand, but meh, accidents happen. It has nothing to do with the alcohol having been drunk!

I am absolutely judging anyone that puts a baby to bed all night in wet clothes, doubly so if it happens to be alcohol!!!!

WTF!
I am comforting myself that pp are just simply posting as a wind up and don’t actually leave little tots in wine soaked baby-grows like something out of bloody trainspotting! 🙈

So if you splashed something on yourself and got enough on your pyjamas for it to stain your duvet, you wouldn't get changed?

OP wrote the following about what it was like for her growing up with her alcoholic mother:

'I remember being 7 or 8 and Mum falling asleep with a glass of wine in her hand in bed with a cigarette also whilst Dad was working a night shift and having to take the cigarette off of her and put it out in the ash tray before she set light to her bed covers and also smelling the spilt wine on her and the bed. I'd often not sleep at night scared she'd wake up drunk and light another cigarette and set fire to the house. So yes there is lots of trauma there for me still and I'll probably be working on it for the rest of my life.'

OP's mum should be bending over backwards to right the wrongs of OP's childhood and prove that she is a safe and capable grandmother. Anyone with childhood experiences like the OP's has every right to 'flip out' at the slightest sign of neglect and poor decision making by her parents when caring for her child.

It was even soaked through to the sleeping bag - so clearly much more than a splatter!

And yes a SW would take an interest because it indicates neglect and a lack of judgement. I would be very concerned that the gps are simply not up to the job. Sadly.

The baby is the priority here, not the grandparents!

Are you the grandmother by any chance?!

"Wine soaked nightwear" - it was a part of one glass! I do not think catastrophising helps.

No social worker would give a second thought to this minor and isolated incident.

Exactly this. There are many ‘worse’ things but it’s not a race to the bottom. Most parents expect their babies not to be put to bed in wine soaked clothes! I cant believe we are even having this conversation! Seriously it is disturbing the number of parents that think it’s okay.

Something doesn't have to be 'the biggest deal in the world' for it to be unacceptable, especially when it comes to children.

Yes there are examples on MN of parents going overboard but I don't think this is one.

I am a pretty relaxed parent and understand that grandparents may do things differently, but if my parents knowingly put my son to bed in wet clothes (especially if that liquid contained alcohol) I would seriously question their judgement/ability to take care of him responsibily.

I’m not a grandparent, no.
Obviously it would have been better/ cleaner if they had changed her. They should have called and asked where clean clothes were. I just don’t think it’s the biggest deal in the world . I just am continually amazed at the extent to which people are so intent on flipping out at extended family members (particularly GPs) over the smallest things.

How many times have you slept in wine soaked nightwear all night. I am baffled as to how anyone can view this as acceptable. It is not.

Are you a mother to actual children? Or just getting kicks being a disruptor?

What kind of parents would put a baby to sleep soaked in red wine?

It is not harmless. It is neglectful and very, very poor parenting at best. Any social worker assessing this situation would then automatically start looking for other ways this baby is not being well cared for. You could argue it was negligent even on the basis of glass being so close to her in the first place.

Your standards are rock bottom if you think this is okay. It’s definitely not okay.

@Tandora @Mischance are you grandparents? Would you knowingly put your grandchildren to bed in the same clothing they had just spilled a glass of wine over? Or would you change them first?

I know neither of my parents would.

Well quite .........
It is not about low parenting standards, but about knowing what really matters.

👆🏻. this. I’m a bit shocked by the extent to which mumsnet will apparently go berserk over a wine stained baby grow. I think my parenting standards must be a little low 😬

I am not - I am trying to inject some balance. There is a lot of talk of this as some sort of disastrous neglect - I do not agree. I want the OP to be able to make the decision that is right for her, balancing out everything rather than a knee-jerk reaction. She has put a lot of emotional work into her relationship with her mum. The child is unharmed.

It’s not up to you to smooth over. I am glad your mum is in recovery, and that you have managed to reach some degree of forgiveness for what you were put through. But that notwithstanding what your parents did or didn’t do is shocking. A baby should be clean, warm and dry in their own bed. As was said previously, if there were no clean clothes, a wash/bath then wrapped in a clean sheet/towel would work.

You aren’t overreacting ( maybe you shouted, I don’t know ), you are under reacting in my opinion. Your desire for a normal relationship, your happiness in your mother being sober could be a factor in you tolerating this ? In my experience the dynamic of abusive relationships can continue even after other aspects change ( you live separately etc ). I’d be thinking about this, and considering counselling just for me on my expectations and boundaries. If the only one you have is your DM being sober, it’s a low bar.

Why are you so desperate for a small baby to be left with such irresponsible people?!

@Thatcastlethere

Grandparents do quite odd things
Yes!! Done if them do. I've had conversations with friends who have had their parents do freaking weird stuff that left my friends wondering about their cognitive functions. I don't know what it is. It's like they can sort of lose their mind for a bit.
I know someone whose mother gave her then toddler a glass of some car fluid. Had to go to A&E etc. her response? I thought it was water 🫤

Op WAS okay and now she clearly isn’t. She is clearly thinking this through and trying to decide where she stands. That makes sense.