Not getting Son In Laws presents anymore...

I would not be impressed if my MIL bought an ironing board, iron, heated clothes rail & tool box even if they were £400.

A thoughtful gift of something they actually liked - alcohol, hobby related etc but a lower value would be much better appreciated.

As soon as you've given the gift, it's nothing to do with you anymore, as it's their property.

I think you're mad for spending so much. But it's up to you.

Sounds like you are trying to control them and they aren't falling for it.

Stick to buying a Lynx giftset.

How does one lose an iron and ironing board? (Asking for a friend.)
Is Old Spice still a thing? Get them some of that. Awful stuff but still better than an ironing board.

Not unreasonable at all to spend a lot less.
Spending nothing because they haven't invited you to see the iron in it's cupboard when you've 'nagged" about it, pretty unreasonable.
Buying an iron in the first place when it sounds like they hadn't asked for one but you decor they'd need one, unreasonable.
If that's one of the items that's mysteriously vanished them I would assume that's because very few people iron these days and they exchanged it for something more useful or fun. I'd probably have done the same, not expecting to be asked about it again, and made up some guff about lending it to a friend on the spot.

There’s three types of people in the world, people who are very particular about their stuff, don’t even like signs of wear and tear, people who use stuff as it should be used but yes it will show use in time, and people who mistreat and maltreat belongings- laptop as a tea tray for example (I kid you not). If you son in laws fall in to camp 3 then don’t buy them anything. If they are camp 2 and you are camp one then yabu, it’s life. Though I do think you should be careful and show appreciation by action when someone bought you something (I’m camp 1 btw). Afew years ago a colleague left work, she’d only been with us a year but we still wanted to do something nice, she was going into an admin role so we did a collection and got her some lovely stationary/diary etc for the new job. Less than a month later she swung by to say hi, kids in tow. They were proudly drawing scribbling - using the stationary and diary!! After she left we all said if you don’t like it give it to your kids to but show us as much!! She could have asked them o leave it at home!

Good idea. And please add what you bought for your daughters.

I end up nagging them as to "who could have taken Gift XYZ from their house and never returned it?" etc.

I appreciate as men once they receive a gift what they do with it is up to them but I find it hurtful when yet another gift is lost/damaged etc.

How on earth do you know when a gift is lost or damaged? Are you asking after presents you gave years ago? You’re buying them expensive gifts they never wanted or asked for and then harassing them about those gifts. Do you do this to everyone in your family?

Very few people who suffer from OCD would identify themselves as "I'm a little bit OCD" or, in other words, "I am a little bit Obsessively and/or Compulsively Disordered".

You're buying them things you think they need not what they want, and they you're nagging them when they go missing. OP, can you not see how insufferable that is?

What is the purpose of a gift? Ask yourself this.

My parents spend between £20-30 on mine and my brother’s spouses. They are more than happy with the gifts they receive and I honestly believe they would be embarrassed if £100+ was spent on them. You need to seriously reduce your budget. Christmas is about more than the gifts.

Never give presents if you don't like the way people treat them, or may treat them. A consumable like a meal out or some favourite wine or beer are much better gifts.

I spend about £25 on my SILs or they get a joint present with my dds

You’re not OCDish, you’re a control freak.

I expect they sold/rehomed the ironing board and heated aired and bought something they wanted.

Give them proper presents this year. Put some thought into it.

Any response to this OP?

Maybe you need to reframe your thinking about it? The gifts you've described are exactly the kind of things you might lend to a friend, relative or neighbour though. Practical/DIY-related gifts. So you really can't get annoyed if they've chosen to do that, to help someone out and that person still has hold of it for whatever reason. It doesn't mean they didn't respect your gift, they're just making sure they get used.

I'm kind of torn. You never had to buy them such expensive gift to begin with so are defitniely not obliged to continue. But the examples you mentioned are odd gifts and not really the place of someone to gift. If you wanted to get them things for their house vouchers would have been more appropriate as they would get to make their own choices.

Why are you keeping tabs on where the presents are once gifted? That's really control freakish.
Maybe they didn't love receiving an ironing board....

What did you get him last Christmas?

And what did he do with it?

You never heard the mumsnet story of the missing ironing board????

There is a lot wrong here.

I wouldn't have been happy with household or domestic items as a present. This is more housewarming.

And also, most people have their own ideas with regards to brands and specifications. Unless they have specified a particular item, you shouldn't buy this type of stuff.

It sounds like you are getting them stuff you think they should have, not what they actually want, which is why it gets mislaid, regifted, given away or taken to the tip.

You are also out of order wanting to know the whereabouts of your gifts.

My suggestion would be to ask them what they would like.

Yes, I'm an adult, I choose and buy my own household appliances! The only time it might be appropriate is as a housewarming present, but even then I'd check if they needed one and which one they wanted. They're definitely not Christmas or birthday presents unless discussed before hand.

OP my MIL is buying us a set of ninja pans for Christmas, we are about to have our kitchen refitted, and after I'd admired hers and asked how they held up in the dishwasher etc, she said to both of us, would you like me to get you the 7 pan set for Christmas? Usually she buys me perfume, nice candles, cashmere gloves, books etc. She knows I love to cook and the pans are expensive and well made. She also made it very clear that it was entirely up to us.

If you want to get them things for their home why don't you give them a decent John Lewis voucher? People usually like to have some say in long term items for their home.

I’m so confused! Can you just answer in simple terms OP? What did you buy, for what occasion and what happened to it?

eg iron - birthday - got lost.

That way nobody will need to accuse anyone of making things up.

I still don’t get why you need to follow up the well-being of the gifts after they’ve been given though.

You seem like a really nice person. I can see why you are hurt, you're thoughtful and generous, buying decent appliances so they don't have to spend. Unfortunately that is lost on some people. For my brother in law I just get "fancy" bath products, this year I got a Molten brown cracker. My mum just buys socks or a bottle of wine/gin with a nice label!!!

Check what they want in the future or just forget big gifts and given a nice quality token present.

Ps, sorry to pile on, I've got OCD contamination and it makes life hell for me and my family. I'm on medication and life is extremely challenging (wish I could go and live on an island by myself sometimes). Its starting to grate when it's thrown out as another phrase for organised .