Not getting Son In Laws presents anymore...

You gave an ironing board as a present?

Gosh I thought you meant you were really spoiling them getting consoles or something and that maybe they were selling them on, but if you're getting really pedestrian household appliances without being specifically asked for them, then I don't blame them for not relishing them. They're not for the SILs anyway are they. They're for the home. I think a meal is fine for a gift but a meal with their MIL won't be a dream gift either and is also presumably for your own DC. Just ask what they want, give money/vouchers, or something basic like chocs.

I'd be delighted if my MIL stopped buying me gifts

*or sold it so he can buy something he actually wanted. Can't believe you're getting upset when you've clearly misjudged your gifts. Buy him a voucher (or ask what he wants) for a lesser amount and then gift the household item as a random gift to them as a "couple" to set them up for life, if thats what your intention is....
Do you buy your daughter (presumably) things that you think are useful instead of what she wants?

Sorry, OP, you sound a bit crazy. That’s an enormous amount of money to spend on anyone. My MIL got me a £15 scarf last year for Christmas (which was ugly and I’ve never worn it once).

You can’t dictate what people do with gifts once given. Though I suspect maybe they’ve sold them or traded them for something they actually want.

It’s rude to not give your child’s long term partner a gift at Christmas. If you don’t want to give them something physical, give them cash. They can buy what they want.

My (thankfully ex MIL) used to buy me "thoughtful" presents. Like the year I got Paul McKenna's Think Yourself Thin book and DVD because she thought I needed to lose weight. I was 4 months post-partum and very almost back in my size 10 jeans.

YABU to use the term "a bit OCDish".

Me neither. I want one!

How did they manage to lose an iron and an ironing board?!

My DH would have been over the moon. Because it’s stuff you need but it’s boring to spend money on.

I haven’t read all the responses………. So sorry if this has already been said.

Your son in laws have not lost/broken their £400 worth of irons, ironing boards and heated clothes rails. They sold them.

And then used the cash to buy something that an adult actually wants to receive for Christmas. And I’m sorry to say - I don’t blame them! I know you meant well and it was a generous amount of money to spend….. but did they actually want/need those things, or did you just think it was a good idea? I’d be quite disappointed if anyone had a budget of £400 to spend on me and bought practical things (that I already own cheaper versions of!) For that amount of money you could buy a PlayStation, a long weekend break abroad, designer clothes, hobby/sports items related to their interests etc.

This sounds very controlling. A gift is given with no expectation, but you clearly have very precise expectations on how your children’s families should live, and how they should be incorporating your gifts into their lives, even though, by the sounds of it, you didn’t ask of they’d were wanted.

It appears you have taken offence that they make their own decisions and might want to do things differently to you.

This all sounds a bit odd.

Firstly you spend a fortune on gifts that you think they should want and be using without checking whether they actually want/need these things.

Secondly - the types of gifts you have mentioned sound like the sort of things you would give to a couple and not a well thought out SIL gift - if my MIL gifted me an iron that I hadn't asked for, I would assume it was a passive aggressive dig.

Finally - you come over a bit "Spanish Inquisition" constantly interrogating them about the whereabouts of the gifts you have given them - which makes it all sound a bit of a burden to the couple. Either give gifts freely or not at all.

Sounds like you’ve given them terrible presents which cost you a fortune. I think it will be win-win if you stop.

My FIL once got MIL an ironing board cover as a joke gift. She whacked him over the head with it 🤣

Household items are not gifts!

I suspect that you might not be as good at gift giving as you think you are, despite your clearly good intentions.

If the items are 'going missing' they are probably either going to charity shops or being regifted.

Many many years ago my late DMil bought me a stainless steel colander and a washing up brush for Christmas, luckily it was from M&S so I exchanged them after Christmas for a jumper. Maybe that is why you cant find your expensive household items.

I think it's because OP checks up on presents that have been given to make sure they are still in the SILs house and in good condition. Can you imagine? If my MIL did that we would not have a good relationship.

+1

I have recently become involved in helping the OCD community (patients and allies) in a professional capacity, and one of the things I have learned is that they really would prefer that people stop using "my OCD side", "OCDish", etc, as a way of saying "I am a bit fussy about details". OCD is indeed a debilitating condition, and it's about far more than checking twice that the cooker is off or folding your clothes a bit more neatly than other people.

The OCD people are not especially militant about this, and they don't tend to call it out in public or on social media as much as some other groups who would like people to be careful with their language, but it would be nice if people who are nowhere near a diagnosis of OCD could find another word for their own minor behavioural excesses. If you are the kind of person who would avoid saying "Oh, you're such a spazz" when someone drops something, you could consider removing "OCD" from your vocabulary too. 🙏

I wouldn't want the iron or board but wouldn't say no to a heated clothes rail.

What do your children who are married to these men say, @Zebedee999 ?

I can feel the weight of your disapproval and disappointment from here OP.

Honestly? Rein it back or they’ll back away from you massively. I’ve seen it first hand, the present giver with unspoken strings is now very lonely. It’s not nice to see.

When I was diagnosed with ASD I was diagnosed with ASD with OCD tendencies. It could be interpreted as ‘a bits OCDish’ ? Not the point of the thread but just made me think.

I would definitely rather someone didn't buy me a gift if they were going to nag me endlessly about it.