Not getting Son In Laws presents anymore...

I thought the same. I hate when people use this phrase. My dd 11 is housebound and anorexic due to OCD.

The thought of my mum giving my partner an expensive ironing set 😳🤣
Look, you've spent obscene amounts of money when you didn't need to.
Stop it now.
£10 or £20 voucher and be done.

I had a friend who was gifted a toaster by her husband early in their marriage. She initially refused to let him use it, but he said that married people shared their gifts. He was quite put out when he came home to find her in their garden using his new golf club. He definitely learned his lesson & buys her jewelry for every occasion.

My mother in law had a habit of giving me a watch or a fancy planner and calendar etc for Christmas. She was likely disappointed I never used one nice - but my life isn’t regimented like hers, I rarely need to know the time and couldn’t be bothered to wear a watch when the clock is in my phone. I’ve never used a calendar even on my phone - just not that organized.

most of the time now she gives a small gift like a Xmas ornament and money. It is much more appreciated!

You admit that your constantly nagging them asking where the gifts you got them are? Can you not see that’s not right or normal behaviour. You need to let it go, once you’ve given a gift it’s theirs to do what they want with. Just give them a voucher for a nice restaurant and call it a day.

Socks, cash f,or a meal out. And so onontheyre the sort of things my husband gets from my family. I get similar from his family, or beer, PJS, fluffy socks etc. Perfectly normal in law pressies.

Some confusion as to whether there was an actual iron gifted or not.
I read it as there was. My bad if I misunderstood
However, this is MN and I cannot get past a thread on 'ironing/iron/iron
paraphernalia without wondering, what did happen to THAT ironing board...?

Why spend so much? Get them some socks or a bottle of something they like to drink. End of.

Once a gift is handed over it's absolutely nothing to do with you anymore.

Sounds like my son’s MIL who, from the first Christmas my son was going out with her daughter (for 6 weeks), spent hundreds of pounds on him. It was significantly more than we were spending on him at that age, because we cut back a bit once our kids became adults. Unfortunately, my son is very financially oriented and he decided due to this that we were mean parents, despite all the bikes, scalectric sets, etc, etc, together with piles of other presents, holidays to Disney etc, etc. She continued to outspend us over the years and his MIL became his favourite family.

I have no sympathy for you. You sound a bit obnoxious.

Buy an experience like a meal out or my girls are good they bought their dad a fishing 🎣 experience a day out fishing in a trawler he loved it but why do you spend so much money?

Everyone loves vouchers, simple, their choice to get what they want. Also that's a lot of money, very generous. X

Same. I have no use for "bath sets". Sensitive skin and allergies mean I use very specific, very boring stuff and the people who insist on buying me bath sets are wasting their money. The air fryer I was gifted however, brilliant gift that I use all the time. The gardening tools, brilliant gifts I use all the time. Both bring joy all year because of what I can do with them.

My parents bought us a vacuum cleaner one year because ours basically exploded and it was right before Christmas and we had no money for a replacement. It was so much better than our old one, my DH was grinning when he vacuumed on Christmas day.

Some people don't get it.

I was given an ironing board as an 'engagement' present (we had just told people we were going to get married) and I changed my mind about the whole thing.
Still got the ironing board though as it's hardly ever used.

Op I think you are missing the point that practical gifts, like tools get used. Unfortunately, unless you are spending over £1k on the tools, £400 doesn't buy a lot of quality. They break. Tools are also very easy to lose.

You have to accept that they are different people to you. Perhaps they didn't want practical gifts. Personally I'd rather have a treat type gift. Because when we set up home, I'd already had enough tools/practical thing.

it does sound a little controlling that you have never actually asked what you sils want

@Zebedee999 do you have OCD (no need to answer here if you don’t want to.) If you do then you have my genuine sympathy and best wishes. I hope you’re able to get support.

There is a big difference between wanting to be careful about items, being clean and tidy and having OCD though. At its worst, as PPs have said, this is a really severe MH and mean staying alive is a daily struggle. Please don’t use the term if you don’t have it, it undermines the severity of the condition for those of us suffering.

To answer your original OP, I think it’s perfectly reasonable of you not to want to give gifts if the end result is going to be you are upset. Like you and others have suggested vouchers/cash/experiences/food out might be a better approach.

On your original question YANBU

Reference to OCD-ish YABU unless you actually have OCD

OP - it’s very likely they have sold or regifted some of these things and are saying they are lost or broken to spare your feelings.

Probably best to ask about expensive practical gifts before getting them - or just stick to smaller token gifts and some money.

I'd love an ironing board. Said no one, ever.

I wouldn't have appreciated household items as a joint Christmas gift, no
The exception being my late DM paid for a tumble drier, but I had a newborn at the time, so was very grateful
Maybe a voucher for a department store JL or M&S would be better and even then you can't be annoyed by what it's spent on.

If my family ask me to get something for my DH from them (at last minute most years) I get him a Lynx gift set, which he will use and is happy with. Last year I got him a cheeseboard from them, just for a change.

Last week my mum said to buy something for everyone for £100 each. I said it to DH and he said he’d rather have the Lynx giftset 😂 I told her he would die of shock if they spent £100 on him, but I might push the boat out and get him the lynx and a cheese selection. I think it’s nice to get stuff you can use or consume rather than cluttering up the house. Random bath/beauty sets are the exception: those may as well go straight to charity unless you know the person likes that particular brand.

I do think some people overdo it, my MIL gets me a gift similar in value to my DH but it’s a pain when she starts asking for ideas. I’ve started just saying airline vouchers, or M&S vouchers. A lot of her previous gifts to me have ended up in charity shops as they’re her taste, not mine 😢

@Zebedee999 maybe just give a generic food/drink gift to the family and that covers the Sons in law. Good luck!

Surely there's a middle ground between spending £400 and nothing at all?

My parents get DH a nice bottle of his favourite spirit for Christmas - he'd think they were dying if they started spending £400

How unkind. Seems like you are the horrendous one here.

If you're going to spend £400 on anyone, I would want their input. It's a lot of money, even if you're minted.

I have got practical gifts from my MIL in the past, slow cooker, small step ladder etc however, she asked me what I wanted. If I had just got this without any pre warning, I would have to say, I would be really underwhelmed

You had good intentions, you did your best and they didn’t seem to value the things you gave them. A restaurant voucher, a few Costa gift cards or an Amazon voucher are fine. I’d make it £50 max.

Thank you!!!