Husband hasn't come home

With his Santa hat askew, a pair of frilly knickers spilling from his pocket and carrying a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels, saying he's going up to bed for a while.

Christmas Mumsnet bingo.

Ok but its really foolish of corporate to permit it.

We've done this. Office has toilets, beer fridges, sound system and was where we'd started the night. The company didn't "permit" it, but everyone had a pass to get in the building.

Pathetic. It's the sort of whinging toddlers and teenagers do It's not fair all my friends are allowed to do x.

He needs to grow up and be an adult, so what if his friends are out and about every weekend?

If he can't control himself on a night out and not get stupidly drunk to show how he is enjoying himself then he is even more pathetic.

People will treat with disrespect if you put up with it!

If he makes you miss work through his grossly irresponsible, selfish behaviour. he should be pinging you the money you lost out on at work. All of it.

What is wrong with people who think this is okay to do to people they profess to love!?!

@Whathappensnowplease

maybe they should be banned on account of these stupid men who can’t handle their drink?? Problem solved and no one can have fun.

So does that mean he gets a free pass to wander in when he wants?

Exactly.
we had a Christmas event and no one drank any alcohol at all.

But I have seen horrible drunken behaviour from boozing to excess at Christmas work events.

Welcome to adulthood mate!!

Op I would explain to him that as a single parent he would have significantly less opportunities to do such things and they he should be able to conduct himself like a sensible adult when drinking or he shouldn't drink any more. If he's that out of control of himself while drinking then he should be sober.

@kitren People say all sorts, they rarely follow through.

I can’t get my head around the fact that some people would end a marriage over this. Yes anger, yes a bollocking but end a marriage?

I don’t understand the concept of voluntarily “going back to the office” to drink. 1) why would you and 2) why would your company permit such an obvious insurance hazard? And social/professional risk?

I would no time for this at all, and it would be a dealbreaker in my marriage. It’s very, very disrespectful.

How can you possibly trust someone like this.
If you are minded to give him a second chance - then do so with a warning that if it ever happens again the marriage is over and mean it.

You deserve his respect. It’s absolutely the bare minimum requirement in a relationship.

I feel like you wrote this to try and quell the usual responses of “why do you need to text each other all day” / “why can’t he have a night out without you bothering him” etc responses that are so often given. You’re married to him with kids. Of course he owes you this respect / knowledge of his whereabouts - marriage is about looking out for each other. He’s left you getting close to 24 hours, you’re supposed to be going to work and he’s left you with the kids. You do not need to be relaxed or the “cool wife”.

YANBU X

He will be down significant amounts of money.
If your finances are split, and you ever take unpaid leave because he couldn’t get his sorry ase home from the pub all night to look after his own children, it is not your pocket that money should come from.
All part of the cost of his wonderful night out.

Dh did this to me one time, it for to 6.30am and I phoned and said if he wasn’t home within 30minutes not to come home at all! He was home in 15 minutes! Made sure the children had every Christmas song up full blast on the speakers that day, jumping on the bed, being noisy. Worst hangover day for him ever!

never happened again.its really disrespectful to stay out all night like that, dh and his workmates had all went back to one of their houses drank some more, and played music, one of them played the guitar and they had a sing song but 6.30am is taking the piss!

Absolutely. It’s the complete lack of respect for all of it: the entire situation.

@feelinganxious24 frame it as “I have no problem with you going out. I do have a problem that you can’t be back on time for me to go to work without breaking my neck to get cover, knowing how much money we will lose and how unprofessional/unreliable I’d look, putting me at the top of the ‘get rid’ list if it came to redundancies”.

What an a-hole.

I don’t get this either - my DH and his mates are big drinkers [when they get together] and in the days before kids there were occasions when one or more of them might miss the train and kip on the station bench or fall asleep on the last train and spend the night stuck on the train in a siding until it moved again in the morning. Never has one of them done it since kids, certainly not on the night before a day where they have family commitments.

They are all 55-60 now - having been mates for 30+years - and still get hammered on golf tour every year, but they expressly do this to let their hair down in a safe environment where their families don’t need to see their drunken/hungover arses. Plys at their age, they are pathetic when drunk. I don;t need to see that…

I know their wives pretty well, and I am fairly certain that if any of the guys had done that to them, their arses would have been handed to them, along with a suitcase, and it would take the most serious grovelling and a commitment to never repeat it before they’d be allowed home.

I'm sorry your husband has turned out to be so useless OP. I would be absolutely furious.

I highly doubt that he went back to the office (with or without colleagues) to continue drinking after the work Christmas party! Unless his office has lots of alcohol lying around and the party was just next door that’s totally unconvincing. I mean who really stops off at an off license, buys a carry out and treks across town to an empty office after a party?

Either he and colleagues have gone somewhere completely insalubrious after the party which he doesn’t want to admit to (a lapdancing club or the like) or more likely given he isn’t home yet, he’s had sex with a random and is holed up in a hotel room with them or back at their place if they are not in their own relationship.

Honestly I’d be getting him to prove to you that he was in the office and if he can’t consider your options. Ask him to show you his bank and credit card statements and his phone and see where that takes you.