Wwyd - unknown teen wearabouts

I hope you have found her op.

Remember you are still in a position of power, you fund her life, her phone, her home and everything else - she needs to start respecting some very basic rules - that are in her best interests.

It’s probably a boy.

I would message and say either you call or message me now, or I am coming to get you.

Hopefully that will elicit a response.

I don't track my 17 year old so can't really comment on that part but just wanted to say. We live in the "rough" part of town. People from certain other areas would be horrified if their little darlings were found to be staying here rather than in their "safe" neighborhood but if my teens ever bring their friends here after a night out (generally because we are close to town) I can assure you we make sure they are safe and happy and sometimes even deliver them back home in the morning having fed and watered them. "Rough" part of town does not automatically equal "rough" people.

She’ll be sleeping it off, I wouldn’t worry about a teenager not answering their phone so early on a Saturday. Wait til a time that they’re likely to be awake before you start to panic. I’d fall asleep at house parties all the time at her age.

I would be the same as you OP, my DD is 16 and I can track her on Snapchat and always do this when she’s out (she knows I do and is fine with that).

I think in this instance I definitely wouldn’t go round there but keep calling her,, sounds like she’s probably got a bit smashed and passed out somewhere. It’s so easy to start thinking the worst but I think you’d be more likely to hear if something had gone wrong.

I am not your mate.
Ops dh should be supporting her and offering to help find their daughter.

The lack of communication is the problem here.

Op I have been on MN forever. You will always have the parents that have had latch key children, and have never really known where they are, or if they are okay. Not for years. You have to parent the way you see fit. You know your dd better than anyone.

We allow our teens plenty of unfettered freedom, but on the understanding they honour their agreements and keep us informed. Otherwise the trust evaporates, and so will their privileges.

This can be a friendly chat with dd, about expectations and consequences. A new agreement is needed and all teens want to feel cared for, regardless of how chill they appear to be.

Me and my kids live in a ‘dodgy area’. We know all our neighbours and the local shopkeepers and everyone is kind to each other. Sure, you have to be streetwise and sensible, but ‘dodgy areas’ have lovely, kind people living in them too.

Just to be aware, we have life360 and it regularly places my daughter a mile down the road from where she actually is in school. It actually places her in a junior school weirdly not the high school she is at. Could it be a signal/mast issue? (I know she's been at school because they text if they miss a class/late for class)
I do hope you find her safe though as soon as possible 🙏🏻

Oh OP I’m sorry this is very stressful. I think it’s a fair enough time in the morning to call her friend / friends parents to check on her whereabouts.

There have always been risks but in the past we didn't have the same freedoms which reduced a lot of the risk. It's now very common for some level of sick behaviour particularly when women are drunk - not their fault, opportunists.

@BeShyPlumLeader I’m a mum of teens. I advise you to get on with your day getting ready for Santa. Your daughter is 17, so a young adult and I bet will be back OK. She’s obvs either lied about where she is or possibly had her phone stolen. The tracker is making you panic.

Don’t go mad at her when you get hold of her. Just be glad she’s OK and safely home. I suggest a calm talk later when she’s less hung over/tired. She’s just like you at her age, by the sounds of it. Enjoys a party (and it is party season). But there are added problems since the 90s, such as the range of drugs and county lines, which she needs to be very aware of and sensible about to stay safe. She should trust no one. She should be honest with you about where she is for her own safety. But she’ll only do that if she feels she can tell you without you going nuts at her.

Let us know when you’re heard she’s OK and enjoy the Santa day.

Not at all. I find it insulting when unwarranted judgements are made about my parenting because I am not sharpening up my pitchfork to organise a search party/goading someone who is naturally already very worried though

I hope she gets in touch soon (and having a 14 year old, this is making me slightly dread the next few years!). 99% chance she is fine and just being a typically self-absorbed teenager (having too much fun for the thought of contacting home to even cross her mind, and then crashing out and falling asleep), but I would totally be out of my mind with worry too. Until she or one of her friends actually has a bad experience on a night out, she basically will just think you’re being overprotective because teenagers feel immortal (well, I know I did, and that I made some really stupid decisions that make me shudder to remember now - I had no concept of the danger I was putting myself in). When she’s back though I’d try to talk to her about why you’re so worried, share some of your own past experiences maybe, and tell her it’s just because you love her and don’t want her to be hurt. Maybe have a cut-off time in where if you haven’t heard from her by, you start making efforts to find her.

That’s not what she said.

So op has said daughter is in rough part of town
Does daughter have friends there?if it is near a friend's address then fine.
But, if there are zero friends that live in that area and it is known for certain things then it's abit more concerning.
Also, was she at a house party? Or was she at a club etc.
If at a club then it's more concerning. Who has she gone home with. Esp if no friends in that area.

If my sister/daughter had gone for a night out and told me should would be staying with friends and then in an area where she has zero friends i would be concerned!!!

Do you always find it insulting when folk have different opinions?

I find it a little bit insulting that because I am not whipping OP into hysteria, I must be a young person, checked out or have "different"-read as bad-standards. I'm 40, have teens aged 18, 16 and 14 and am a very loving parent. They have good rules and boundaries.

I am also a realist and ten past 8 on a saturday morning is by most standards very early after a night out.

I don't see how catastrophising for OP is helping at all. The worry is completely understandable; reigning it in is difficult but at some point you genuinely do have to rationalise it or you will drive yourself mad.

Why should he? It’s not even 9am. And what’s he gonna do when he gets there? Scream her name in the street? Get a grip mate.

I guess there's a chance she had her phone nicked and that's the reason it's not being answered. I'd be calling her friend's parents or going round there if you don't have their number, see you're planning to do that now.

Was she supposed to be joining you on your outing today?

I work in the field too. Funny how our opinions are so different. Depends on your risk assessment.

This thread is wild.

Poor op's head must be spinning.

I get the worry, I have kids the same age but imagining all sorts of sinister shit is unhelpful at this point.

When you say the area is a worry, is it somewhere she is highly unlikely to find herself? As in, she has no friends there, no reason to be there? Just trying to picture it because I live a very unmumsnetty life and my kids friends live in dodgy areas so that in itself wouldn't be a concern for me

If you are going to go over there, I'd send one last message telling her that's what you're doing. It may prompt a response..

Turn life 360 off your phone and let your husband track her instead so this doesn’t happen again, there’s no point you tracking her because all it does is make you worry. you haven’t found or heard from her, you are sat worrying about the worse case scenario but there’s nothing you can do. You said thank god she gave you her friends number why? She didn’t answer and you still don’t know where your daughter is so no point having the number. Like you said when she turns 18 you won’t be in control so build the trust now as this way you are only going to push her further away.

Exactly correct.
Surely we'd all rather check 100 times even if 99 or 100 of those times it was nothing to worry about?

(Not 100 times on one night)

Poor diddums being misrepresented at moments of high stress. Maybe HE might take some initiative and jump in the car?