Wwyd - unknown teen wearabouts

Do you always answer questions posed to other people?

Quite. Some ridiculous responses on here. Anyone would think we lived in some utopia where no young woman ever got harmed due to the magic forcefield of being 17. I don't know a single mother who wouldn't be concerned about this in RL. All these people banging on about when they were 17...yeah right. The people who, like the OP, did get into dodgy situations are the same ones who worry about their daughters because they know what there is to worry about. I'm glad she's safe OP. Don't let the naivety of some people make you think you're wrong to be vigilant.

Glad she's Ok.

Why was she there & not where she said she'd be?

Loving parents shouldn't be controlling a woman in her 20s like that.

Glad she’s OK. Totally understandable when it’s your first kid. And especially a daughter, though young men actually face far greater risk of violent crime. You didn’t offend me about the dodgy area. Believe me, I’ve been awake for hours at times worrying about where mine are, so know exactly how you feel.

I bet you’re shattered now! If it helps, I’ve learned when dealing with young adult kids that it helps if you treat them like a housemate rather than a parent. Expect them to pull their weight. Be worried and ask if they’re OK if they’re not back when they said they’d be. Have safety agreements, like letting you know where they are (back in the day my housemates used to text me to say they were going to afterparties or back to someone’s house and where etc, just to be safe as I’d know where they last were if they didn’t turn up and wouldn’t worry) but not what they’re doing or who with.

With teens, it’s reverse psychology. The more laid back and non-judgemental you are, the more they tell you what they’re up to. The more you treat them like an adult, the more they act like one.

Totally standard parenting of loving parents in my experience.

My friends dd would go out and not call and keep them updated, she didn’t agree to a tracker either. So my friend gave her a brick phone and said there was little point funding expensive apple contracts. Funnily enough she soon started updating her parents. Worked a treat. By the time she got to 20-22 she automatically messaged.

She didn’t say ‘unknown teen’, she said ‘unknown teen whereabouts’.

Have a very large mug of coffee, then an even bigger glass of mulled wine at the santa event.

Merry Christmas!

So glad she is okay op!

This is a new stage for her too, and she will be navigating through it in a different way op. A friendly chat to lay out expectations will pave the way forward. You sound like a lovely mum, and enjoy your little ones today

Glad she’s alright. I’d be having a calm chat with her today, just explain you were worried and could she please message in future with where she’s staying if plans change. You’re her mum, you love her etc. She may not listen, but she definitely won’t if you bollock her!

Pleased she's safe, I always say to my now 18 and 21 year old (I know I should let go at some point) I don't care where you are as long as I know if you're in trouble I can find you. They still keep their find my phone on for me. When they were under 18 it was a condition of me paying their phone bills, and if they didn't answer (within reason) I'd play the lost phone sound to get their attention x

Of course it's ok not to know. When is your cut off for not knowing your child's location at all times?

This is not an 'unknown teen', she is your daughter. It seems you have roughly pinpointed her whereabouts, if not the precise address. She's seventeen, not thirteen, and is entitled to go where she pleases without a parent following her movements. She'll be home soon.

When young people go out their plans often change, that's normal.

Hang on.I do think people should know where their teens are at 17 for goodness sake.Sure things have changed but I do find this odd that it seems to be ok not to know.

What I wouldn't give to have those years back! Have a lovely day with Santa!

I am glad she is ok. Don't apologise for being worried OP. This is a learning experience for you & your daughter.
Enjoy Santa 🎅

I agree. While I understand the worry, if OP has called 20 times that’s getting a bit much. She’ll wake up, look at her phone and see 20 missed calls, which will make her think her mum is OTT. It’s not like she said she’d be back last night and is therefore missing. She said she was staying out. She’ll soon be 18. You have to let adult kids have privacy and make their own decisions. The more anxious, worried and panicky you get, the less they’ll be honest with you about what they’re up to, which means you can’t help them be sensible. Better to not bat an eyelid but talk to them about how to be sensible and keep aware of any warning signs. Being a parent of young adults means you have to let go.

How would a tracking app prevent the assault? They only gives an approximate location, so you cannot be precise, and they certainly do not show you what the person you are tracking is doing.

Brilliant news OP and your reaction was completely normal and understandable-have genuinely been there working myself into a frenzy with worry over it. It does get a little easier over time, especially if they take on board your perspective and agree to let you know they are OK in advance x

Make sure you get yourself a lovely treat today x

Life360 is wrong sometimes, my friends son showed as being in a house in the next town when he should have been at the local shops, when she called him he was at the shops ( video call)

Phew, glad she's OK.

Bet you're glad you didn't go banging on doors!

Last night dd2’s life 360 app told me she’d just left school at 7pm… totally inaccurate. When the message came through we were in a village hall in a different county to where the app was saying. I was planning to delete it today.

assuming dd is where you think she is, take a screen grab and have a chat when she gets home about safety and good/bad choices. Teens are tricky but you do have to hope you’ve given them a good moral compass up to that point.

Why are you tracking your DD on Life360 op?

As hard as it is, i feel its important to trust my older teens to make sensible decisions and if anything more sinister happens the police will be able to track them. They also voluntarily track each other (on Snapchat I think) so if I'm worried about one the other one will check, I think this has only ever been needed once.