Wwyd - unknown teen wearabouts

OP I’m glad all is well, I’d have panicked too.

Mumsnet is a very odd place.

When the kids aren’t little they are all perfectly behaved, sitting at the table for dinner at 2, queueing nicely, not having tantrums etc otherwise you’re a shit parent.

But once they get to their teens they are all magically out of control. Taking drugs, drinking etc. You must let them do whatever they like or it is over controlling. The 16/17 year olds I know personally aren’t like this. But 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m glad she’s ok ❤️

I think it’s very telling that your DP would be more annoyed at your DD for missing an expensive outing, rather than concerned for her safety.

I would focus less on your DD and her behaviour and more on your DPs because he’s the one you should be concerned about.

She sounds like an average 17yo.
He sounds like an absolute twat.

Dont ever apologise for worrying - I have a 22 year old who I still regularly worry about when she’s out on the town and don’t let anybody on here make you feel neurotic for it.

EdithBond thanks so much. I'm still trying to adjust and it was good to read how you deal with it.
My son is asd with a sensible head. My youngest of three.Being in a village im surprised by the amount of drugs and im trying to be cool when son says he and his friend are the only ones who don't try the harder drugs. This week he announced he preferred drink to drugs.
Then I get all the he hates me and hates his life.
However, he attends college and holds his pib pot washing job twice a week so I'm just going to try and be calm and be there for him.

Ahhh no real advice on how to act as my kids are small but it does make me think how all this technology almost makes things harder! I think the best you can do is give your daughter the tools to make sensible decisions and to have a relationship that she knows she can tell you anything. God knows I certainly slept on a few floors in some dodgy areas but I was street wise enough to keep my wits about me, don’t over drink and always stay with my friends.

anyway - off to enjoy the toddler phase. At least I always know where they are!

She could always just pay for her own phone.

Having life360 or find my phone is a good idea in case of emergency.

checking it is a bad idea, if there is not an emergency. OP can I suggest you hide the app on your phone so you’re less tempted to check and worry?

ringing her at 6am, she was always going to be asleep so I’m not sure what you expected there.

@Inlimboin50s I hear you. I’m a lone parent too. And they do suddenly start with the sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll at that age, so can be a shock. That scenario must’ve been such a worry at the time, but funny to look back on. I’d hate to be in woods alone when wrecked. I was pretty wild from 15 onwards but luckily always had a sensible button/instinct that triggered when dafter people carried on. I’ve tried to instil that in my kids. I always say, if hearing my voice in their ear holds them back from something really stupid/risky, that’s all I can do. Thankfully, we have open chats about everything, which means I can pass on my wisdom, though they obvs don’t tell me everything.

OP I can never settle until my youngest DS (who still lives with us) is home after a night out. He doesn’t text to tell me where he is. If I text him he doesn’t reply. I try to tell myself we are all now more contactable than ever and that bad news travels fast. Glad your daughter’s ok xx

Glad she's ok, when I was 17 (and when I think that was 12 years ago already I'm like how?! I still feel 18 and now I'm one of the not young ones 🤣🤣) my mum was very trusting and to be honest I never gave her a reason not to she was quite laid back about drinking etc and I was the only friend that ended up hardly drinking and being the mum 🤣🤣 I haven't drank in 5 years as well lol. She always said I will pick you up at this time and if I was staying away and she didn't hear from me she knew my friends were 100% trustworthy and they had each others numbers etc so if anything was wrong they would contact her. I remember one time I ended up really drunk really quickly because I hadn't eaten and it was house party measures, my friend actually called my mum to come and get me ... I was raging at the time but I understand why she did it 🤣🤣 one time my mum was supposed to pick me up from a house party and we moved along the road and my phone died ... Completely not just a dead battery, she drove around looking for me and because I didn't want to break her trust I walked around looking for her .. all was well as she realised my phone was broken and I just couldn't update her and I was with a different set of friends who didn't have her number. Now me on the other hand I have an 8 month old and I have no idea how I will handle things like this ... I would probably go straight to she's been human trafficked out of here and have my whole family out searching demanding the police dogs 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣🤣

All due respect to you @BeShyPlumLeader, the only way you'll know your daughter is safe is when she walks through your door after her night out.

I understand that she is 17 and may not have made good decisions before but at some point you will have to let her have a night out and not phone her or keep track of her. You will have to trust her.

It's very possible that her plans changed when she was out with her friends so phoning 20+ times and phoning friends and so on, while helping to ease your mind will show her that you don't trust her or her friends to make good choices and that you're a worrier and she can't have a night out without her mother breathing down her neck.

I dont track my 17yr old ds but goodness me I live in a state of worry. From never going out to suddenly having mates and being out every evening and coming in at all hours.

It started in the summer when he never returned home. Turns out he had smoked weed and didn't want to come through the small village wooded area as was paranoid so slept on the park bench then made his way to a bike shed at some flats. He said there was a sofa in there and a boiler that kept him warm.
I was in bed at 3 in tears waiting, not knowing where he was. No partner to ask. Thinking do I drive around or call police.
I've calmed down since then but yes it's a tricky age.

I don't have a problem. Moving on.

How does tracking someone keep them safe? It won't prevent anything bad from happening. I find it a bit odd to be tracking someone. We don't have trackers on each other.

Glad she's ok and you can relax now and go have a lovely time now with your little ones.

My two are 16 and 19 and I worry about them more as teens than I ever did.

Glad all is well OP! My DD is 12 and I have all this to come, already panic every time 'find my' glitches and shows her in a different place to where she is meant to be!

I remember my friends and I as teens lying to our parents about being at each other houses and being drunk in a field all night instead, but that was the 90s in a very quiet village, I now live in a much rougher area and times have changed - I will never feel bad or apologise for being able to track her.

Not too sure what your problem is, but the main thing is OP's daughter is OK, and OP didn't over react by following some of the more extreme suggestions.

If you would like to have an argument, as I think you quite possibly do-you have chosen the wrong person to pick at. I have no interest in getting in to a back and forth over this. I am sure this is also very telling. Take what you will from it.

“I'm dreading her turning 18 next year because I'll have absolutely no say in anything she does!“

If she’s still living under your roof and taking the benefits of childhood you will absolutely have a say in what she does.

I m glad your daughter is safe and you feel happier. As for the bullies here. My kids are lucky the tracking devises exist nowadays. I would not let them go out otherwise. It is not like nothing would happened but at least you can see where they are if they are late or something. The way our city is in 2024 is just insane and a far from safe place as when we grew up just a couple of decades ago. It is not only about robberies, knife crime, sex trafficking and unexplained deaths. We need to stop shaming parents who are concerned of having to accept their teens must go out with all of it happening. I remembered watching a documentary where one little girl was abducted never to be seen again. The mother let her to go and play with kids nearby while they were watching a sports game in a school campus. She felt if she did not she was going to be judge as people used to say to her she was overprotective. Well if she would have not let her go that day the little girl would have not been abducted.

Telling and clear aren't the same.
Moving on.

I would say it’s very obvious from the post OP means the whereabouts of her teen are unknown 🤦‍♀️

Lol 😂. You’re clearly a great mum @BeShyPlumLeader. And if she’s your daughter from a previous relationship I’m guessing you have a special close bond and it’s prob more difficult for your DP to deal with her. If she’s anything like you seem, she’ll be OK in the end. And TBF I’d be more worried about a kid who doesn’t go out partying at that age. It’s what you should be doing in your teens and early 20s. Enjoy your day 🙂

Good. I am glad I was clear.

Your language is very telling.