(CW Child abuse) Why do mothers not protect their children from abusive boyfriends

They don't though as the system has quotas to actively let male perpetrators go! The data isn't even between the sexes at all. 99.3% of males are not sexually assaulted by the time they are 18.

This is the only way I can understand it - they were both high on crack cocaine. I’ve seen similar cases, and the only way it makes sense is if they are literally out of their minds on drugs.

Some women are being abused and everything becomes distorted

some women will value their relationship more, they are often addicted to these high drama relationships where it becomes all about themselves and their new partner and really their children should be taken away from them but as will work with the mother to become a better parent but many simply don’t want to be

Or the data shows that the justice system catches male abusers more often than female abusers.

When you look at crime surveys, not convictions, the rates of reported child abuse by survivors and perpetrators are pretty even between the sexes.

I googled it myself and they do indeed collect the data. It shows that the vast majority of abuse is carried out by parents. Step parents (ie married partners) carry out 12%. I've no UK stats for mothers boyfriend, but US stats for unmarried partners (presumably both sexes) is 7%. No stats at all for percentage of mothers who lie to protect their boyfriends, but i think its fair to assume its single figures. I'm not suggesting for a moment it 'doesn't happen'. I questioned your claim it happened in a majority of cases when I had always believed otherwise, which data appears to support.
I think with such an important issue we need to be accurate and not throw about unsubstantiated claims. If we wrongly believe that this is all about women colluding with and lying for boyfriends, then we are not looking at what is happening to the other 90% or so of abused children.

That’s horrible. I’m sorry that happened you. I’d let her go in the home.

Same here
It suited her. She didn't have to work and could do her hobbies. Only had to put up with the beatings twice a year as my father was a binge drinker. Both narcissists.
She also cared more about what people would think than the welfare of her children. What people? We had no friends or social life.
She's now 96 and I care for her and sort out her life so she doesn't have to live in a home but I hate her. I have to pretend she's just an old lady that it's the right thing to do to care for her. I have to break the cycle for my own sanity and to prove I'm not the person they could have made me be.
Another thing that I think about these women who put men first over their children. I know they have had lacking childhoods, but why do they have to be the worst of the person they could be, and not the best. Break the cycle
And once he left, cos that's another thing these men don't stay forever. Their children will hate them

Just unfathomable

I think some women cannot function except in a couple- I don’t mean they like having a boyfriend, bit that there’s some deep a nd fundamental flaw that means they prioritise their partner over everything else. The result is that they become complicit.

It’s shocking that within 36 days, Isabella’s mum went from a seemingly good mum to one that allowed her daughter to be kicked, stamped and punished with cold showers.

I think it’s a case like Star Hobson, her mother had a low IQ but was seemingly a good mum
until her girlfriend moved in.

The BBC say Isabella’s mum needed learning support.,

My ex is living with a woman who he (apparently) had known for about 6 months before the decided to move in together and he was regularly doing her young child's bedtime routine with them (and they, apparently, met two months after the gf broke up with her child's dad). He has a lot of abuse tendencies including violence which would have showed on a Clare's law if she'd bothered to do it - shes very lucky he isn't a paedo (as far as I know) she's not stupid academically but she is very naive and I think was desperate after her marriage breakdown.

Maybe they are being abused. It is totally messed up

I think the mother has been groomed, is being controlled, usually has send and complex needs herself (usually in serious case reviews there is DV addiction and mental health issues)

I don’t understand it either. There was a family living near me in which the man sexually abused his girlfriend’s daughter. The girlfriend chose her paedophile boyfriend over her own child, so her daughter was taken into care.

Less importantly, the man was a physically unattractive drug-addict who was unpleasant to everyone and treated his girlfriend like crap. No, I will never understand that woman. The paedophile was in very poor health and physically weak, so I don’t think she stayed with him out of fear.

In some cases (not all) the mothers are groomed first. By the time the children are being harmed they are unable to keep them safe.
While I was on my training contract I represented many Mum’s who stayed with their partners despite what was happening to the children. It’s often a very complicated situation.
Not saying it’s acceptable, just what I’ve experienced. Incredibly sad.

Can you link to the evidence that in the majority of cases of child abuse the abuse is carried out by the mothers partner with her full knowledge and that she then goes on to lie to the police to protect him? That's what you said and I'm interested in the research that you've based that on. I'm not 'acting shocked' that women can be bad people. I'm shocked that this is the situation in 'the majority' of cases, and thought you may have some evidence to support that.

As someone whose mother repeatedly moved in "boyfriends" she'd known a matter of days, some of whom were horrifically abusive. She made me apologize to them for shouting at them when they were assaulting my little sister. She ultimately chose to turn a blind eye to the one who sexually abused me. When that delight left her for another crap mother, she took to stalking him, begging him to come back.

I look at my own child and there is no fucking way on Earth I would do the above. So no, being abused yourself does not make you an abuser. Having low self-esteem does not make you an abuser.. That's just bullshit people tell the judge, hoping for a lighter sentence.

Being a selfish arsehole, choosing to put your own need to feel young and still attractive, to not feel tied down by the responsibility of parenthood, allowing your "need" for a boyfriend to trump any empathy or understanding of how vulnerable children are...that's why women allow men to abuse their children.

Culturally, though, men tend to feel more entitlement over women and children and their aggression tends to be based on that, whereas women tend to be socialised to victim roles.

I read that book v recently. It really wrenched at me in a way few books have. Dorothy Allison passed recently, & reading articles, I learnt that in real life, her mother didn't send her to the aunt, & the abuse continued until she was 15.
My own mother would never have put my abusive father before me, but she wasn't besotted my him the way the mum is in the book- she left at the first sign of violence. From threads on here, I v much doubt many mothers would stay w a man who they knew was SAing their daughter- in the book, the mother literally walks in & denies it. But I have read awful threads where emotional & mental abuse of the children are outweighed by the mother's attachment to the man. I still think most mothers would do the right thing, but maybe I'm too hopeful..Cases like Constance Martens are an extreme example of this, but I wonder how common lower level ones are..

No because they can't think for themselves and make choices

Years ago when I was a young teenager, I read Bastard Out of Carolina, which I found quite shocking at the time. In it the mother marries a new man who is a bad provider, a poor father, an all round pathetic excuse for a man, and eventually sexually abused one of the girls. The mother in the end leaves the girl with an aunt and goes off with the man, and the aunt observes something to the effect that it is never a good thing for a woman to have to choose between her man and her child - with the implication that she will often choose the man and if she chooses the child she may well be resentful.

I thought that was very cynical and not true most of the time, but as a middle aged woman I have found it to be the case far more often than I would have thought.

Because they have been groomed

Other reasons can be quite complex, such as mental health illness, trauma, being neurodivergent, the complexity of domestic violence, vulnerability, etc. Some men are very good at finding women like this for the sole purpose of abusing children..

You could use every one of those excuses for a man too! He could be all of those and then whose top trumps?