TW To notice that a lot of child murders have one thing in common

That’s a fun idea. Wouldn’t work though as some women would try and bring men in to the place. Older boys would have to be kicked out. Older girls couldn’t have boyfriends over.

I have often wistfully thought about communes for women!

I saw something about not mentioning you have kids on tinder or leaving it until a few dates in to mention kids as some men specifically target women to date who have children

makes me sick to my stomach

Errr no they aren’t unless you go by self reporting figures. I do know that we very rarely if ever hear of women being killed by a female current or former partner whereas we constantly hear of men killing their partners (and almost never women killing men).

Agree with all of this. @Feelinglow27 totally with you. Men just seem to be getting more and more violent and crazy- extremism all over the place, porn addiction, brutal to partners and children. Bring back hunter gatherers! Or mining! They need physically draining and need a purpose in life - left to their own devices they seem to create war and misery.
@CrocsNotDocs agree re funding I don't get why there's infinite provision for shared secure accommodation with catering, entertainment, guest facilities etc for the elderly but none for single mums. I know these old folks homes are private and cost a bomb but how great would this be for single mums - could make separate ones for single dads but you have to move out if you want new partner to move in so it stays a safe and well provided for housing resort. Football pitch, basketball, gaming rooms, exercise classes for the mums, homework rooms, etc etc so it's a welcoming place that supports kids and mums to get on with life. Bet it would help kids feel settled if they made them really nice and they stayed long term.

Yes but there’s also high profile cases of biological mothers killing/harming kids or standing back and letting others do it - Constance Marten, Tracy Connelly, Veronique John, Christina Robinson.
Basically there will always be examples but overall, males in a child’s life (biological and step parents) are a higher risk to them (not just of murder but also sexual abuse) than females in their life.

Isn’t the gender breakdown the gender of the victim not the offender?

Source?

No, they are renowned for higher levels of reporting violence. And something being done about it.

Lesbian relationships are renowned for high levels of violence.

Recent statistics from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) regarding Child Homocide.
Key Statistics:
Gender:

• Male: 29
• Female: 19

.

It's good to be cautious but you do not have to live like a nun until your children are adults (unless you want to). You can be in a relationship without living together. And after time when you feel you can trust him around your then older children you can live together. Not all men are predators. Most of them aren't thank god. I think what's problematic when "mum meets new man" is that they move in together too soon instead of taking things slowly.

Or my mother.

I think one thing to look at is not just the stats about step parents but that abusers will find ways to abuse.

Abusers will go in to careers / hobbies to get access to children, getting in to a relationship with a woman with children is an easier way to access children.

We are all animals. Highly intelligent apes but driven by the same primal urges as other animals. We use our intelligence to control our impulses but they can’t be ignored.

Animals protect their offspring. Often males will destroy existing offspring as the primal urge is to reproduce but not to support the offspring of another male. in fact nurturing their own young isn’t as much of a priority as trying to seek status amongst other males and find more females to reproduce with.

Ridiculous over simplification I know but the human evolution mostly led us to customs which recognised the importance of careful selection of a mate before commitment to childbearing (marriage). The current ‘anything goes’ attitude to family structures is risky for many children. I am baffled why so many women don’t think it’s important to be with someone for at least a couple of years and ensure commitment before risking a child. I suppose the benefits system removes much of the risk.

Mothers and children are vulnerable and men are risky! Choose wisely. Especially if you already have children. But if it all goes wrong it’s (probably) not your fault. I hate that argument that women should have picked a better man. We are (almost all) doing our very best.

If you're talking about Sara Sheriff then the other thing they have in common is that Family Court gave contact \custody to the abuser so went on to kill them.

But homeschool is being blamed because the Children's Commissioner for England has it in for SEND children and their families

Good for you and other women should take note. This is how you do it.

It is not always the stepdad, if you look at figures from WomensAid, you will find that non resident parents score high as well.

The problem is that women with abusive men in their lives, tend to model “love” on the male figures around them, so if you have an abusive dad or husband, you are likely programmed to believe that control, anger, etc is a sign that someone “cares”.

Breaking this cycle without professional intervention is extremely difficult. While you may be indirectly placing the blame on single mums finding a new partner, the truth is more complex than that:

If you allow your children to be abused by choosing to stay with your abusive husband/partner, if you insist they have a relationship with grandparents or other relatives who you know are horrible, you are teaching your kids that abuse is a normal part of a relationship and that something is lacking if no drama is involved.

You are correct, OP.

For that reason, since being a single mum, I have never allowed a man to have any status above 'visitor' in my house and that will continue until my DS goes to university or has his own home.

The only man I have got closer to in the last 10 years actually told me to 'get rid of my DS half the time if I wanted our relationship to progress'. Ds was 9 at the time.😡. It took me a nanosecond to take that decision and dump him. Just one more arrogant selfish creep found his arse on the pavement.

Urghh, men !

Dating is now always away from our home and is never more than light hearted and superficial.

I get this but I remember text exchanges in one case where the partner said things like “I smacked her one” and the mother was like “give her another for me” sort of thing, child was beaten to death.

I think there are a lot of mothers who once aware that someone is a danger to their children will risk abject poverty to prevent harm coming to their children. It takes something to ignore a grown man beating your toddler. So yeah once you know and you keep putting your child into harms way you are allowing it to happen. If an adult male left bruises on my DD and I shrugged and kept leaving her in his care I would not be doing my job as a mother, who else will do it if I don’t?

I do think these women are often vulnerable but some of them literally do not care about their children more than they care about having a boyfriend. I can’t stop men from being violent and they own their own behaviour but my job is to safeguard my child, it’s the most fundamental of parental responsibilities. I mean if you know someone is a paedophile would you leave your kid with them?

If anything happened to DH theres no way I would have a man in my house until DD was gone. It’s not worth the risk.

No I’ve met a few evil stepmothers along the way as well. One that used to grab the baby by the mouth and pull her mouth apart so that the kid couldn’t eat or speak for days without pain but there wasn’t a mark on her.

And just general bad treatment, not allowing them to use the toilet making them look after their younger siblings that were her children not related to the little girl. It’s just awful.

Excellent point.

Well I am in my fifties now, so easy for me to say as I don't expect anyone will have me! I am ok on my own, if anything happens to my marriage.

I have found parenting much tougher than I expected, so I assume other peoples kids- even adult ones- are super challenging.

I think it's very noble of you to put your children first above all. You looked at the risks and made a decision. Hope it all works out for you.

Looks as though you know yourself very well. Which is highly commendable!!

Agree.
Females are more emotionally manipulated.

I would be a terrible stepparent. I wouldn't abuse anyone physically but I would probably inflict mental abuse withiut knowing it. I would never love anyone else's kids like my own, so I will never get into a relationship with someone who has children.