TW To notice that a lot of child murders have one thing in common

Infanticide is a common phenomenon in the animal world. There is no reason it wouldn't also be represented in the human species too.

Just a horrible reality.

I have a friend whose wife had an affair when their children were young. She moved the kids to live with the new man. My friend has spent his life putting his kids first. He has never had more than casual relationships because his house and family is sacrosanct. The kids mother is on her third marriage and has had two more children. As soon as the kids were old enough they moved to live permanently with their Dad. They went to university but both of them are living back with him now they have graduate jobs. He is a good, caring Dad and always put his children first.
More men and women with children should avoid live in partners until their children are old enough to move out if they are unhappy. Date and enjoy relationships but avoid live in partners.

Absolutely. Unfortunately there are a lot of stupid, selfish people out there who are reproducing....and so the cycle continues!

It is important that accepted patterns of behaviour inform the welfare of children. Social workers need to be aware of domestic arrangements and potential red flags to ensure children are kept safe from harm.
A known red flag is a parent ( generally the mother) living with a partner who is not biologically related to the child. You cannot ignore known patterns and predictors of abuse.
No one is saying biological parents never abuse but they are much less likely to do so.

It’s also surprising that some women will put their want to have kids above the fact that their partner is abusive and go ahead and have kids with them anyway. Maybe lulled into a false sense of security that biological dads wouldn’t hurt their children. Yet all the family annihilation cases are biological dads.

Same. It always surprises me how people put their own sexual needs over the welfare of children. It's part of being a parent. I can wait a few years to have a boyfriend.

Absolutely agree about control - it’s all about control. From my anecdotal knowledge, the unrelated man is just as likely to shake the baby. Dangerous men don’t walk off, they act aggressively.

@anatomyk
But statistically, step parents are far far more likely to abuse than biological parents. This does not mean that biological parents do not abuse children but all the research shows that if a parent is biologically related to a child, there is far less likelihood of abuse.
As it stands, one of the biggest threats to a child's well being is living with mum's new partner. It is disingenuous to pretend otherwise.
There is a great deal of peer reviewed evidence to support this.

Exactly. Dysfunction is dysfunction. I grew up in violence from by biological parents.

To the best of my knowledge lesbians don't prowl the streets looking for vulnerable people to assault.

Well yeah anything that occurs too quick points to dysfunction behind it. Such as moving a boyfriend in after a week.

I've often said that if dh and I ever split up, I'd not be getting with anyone else until my dc were adults for this very reason. Unfortunately predatory men prey on single women with young children. Of course it's 'not all men' but I'd never trust anyone enough to take that risk.

When I go onto the website of our local newspaper I see cases of rape, sexual assault, paedophilia, stabbings, robbery and dangerous driving and I can guarantee that the vast majority of perpetrators are male. It is true that there are male victims but the offenders are men. These are just local cases that will never make the national news and of course this will be replicated in towns and cities throughout the country. I have been the victim of sexual assault twice and when my child was a teenager they were mugged, a female family member was attacked and in each of these incidents the perpetrators were male. Not all men, but almost always a man

Yes, I have definitely noticed that some people go from one abusive relationship to another - like where do they find these awful men?

Often collecting kids along the way with these awful men.
It’s one thing allowing oneself to be put at risk, but putting step children in harm’s way is really selfish.

I will look at this syndrome- Not heard of it before, but have heard of “trauma bonding”.

How come there are no fairytales about wicked step fathers then? Because they are the issue and there are countless step mums who feed, clothe, cook for, care for, drop off at school their stepkids because the biological father can’t be bothered. There are a few bad eggs but generally they do a huge amount of unappreciated work and still get slammed. Stepdads get lauded and congratulated for “taking on” kids as their own yet they tend to do very little in terms of childcare. In fact, loads of stepdads tend to have very little time alone with their step kids when the mum isn’t there yet they still manage to abuse and kill them far more frequently than step mums who very often care for step kids on their own.

Also it pisses me off big time that the dad in the fairy tales gets off scot free. So Handsel and Gretel’s stepmum suggests they get the kids lost in the woods so they die and they don’t have to look after them. The dad is all like “yeah sure” and this happens TWICE. Then at the end the stepmum is dead and the kids are happily reunited with their piece of shit father WHO LEFT THEM TO DIE IN THE WOODS TWICE BECAUSE HIS WIFE SUGGESTED IT. Get to fuck. They hated women and people still do.

I think beneath this notable step parent theme in such cases lies the larger issue - these are families living chaotic lives 99.9% of the time. None of the adults involved appear capable of making educated, positive decisions regarding their own lives never mind the lives of their children. Their own upbringings often seem to be have been marred by poverty, abuse or trauma. They choose to be with people who enable the cycle to perpetuate, they escalate behaviour that at best, was a bit lacking, prior to being with the new partner and the children suffer in the worst ways.

Is it step parent or step father, statistically speaking?

I have to disagree. As a step-parent, I find it hard to see what exactly could be flagged, how it would be monitored, who would be responsible for carrying out checks, and, most importantly, what those checks would even consist of.

In my opinion, the real issue lies elsewhere. Far too oftenthough not alwayswomen leaving abusive relationships end up in new relationships with similarly abusive partners. This is a well-documented psychological pattern known as repetition compulsion, where individuals unconsciously recreate traumatic dynamics. That, I believe, is where the real problem lies.

This 100%

Children have been left with new boyfriends while mother goes out shopping or whatever-
Often the boyfriend is a “Gamer” online- and he has killed or seriously harmed the child ( Child probably crying for mother) and the boyfriend just loses it.

It’s desperately dangerous to leave a man you don’t know with a young child.

This!!!

I have a family member who was seriously harmed by their own father. A tiny baby at the time. Broken ribs and arm fractures. He got six months in prison. To run concurrently with another violent crime he was already in prison for at the time of sentencing. So he did no extra time. Went unpunished while his victim still carries the physical and emotional scars into their adulthood. Effing disgrace.

I'm social worker and this is something that is well documented in research and serious case reviews. It's been the same for years. When children are on child protection plans police checks are completed for anyone coming in to the family and the assessments look at everyone involved with the family. As a parent myself and knowing what I know I would always do a Clare's Law request and really get to know anyone before introducing them to my children.

You are right of course but I also think the demise of the extended family is contributing.
Within my own circumstances, my grandparents basically forced my father to not be an arsehole
The minute my Nanna was dead he became what he always was but he had to keep the act up while she was watching

I agree that new step parents are a risk, but it is naive to think biological parents are incapable of harming their children. That’s why so many end up in care.

You're not mental at all, you're a good mother who puts her children first. So many single parents do not!

There's emotional abuse too, not only physical. Just look at the posts on MN where the step child is viewed as a nuisance and a cuckoo in the next. Women abuse too, but the abuse is often emotional.