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AIBU?

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Original poster

He’s fucking locked me out.

859 replies

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

OP posts:
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MILLYmo0se · 14/12/2024 14:06

Wonderi · 14/12/2024 08:46

I completely agree.

I think it’s @Cottonheadedninhymuggins who needs to have the decency to filter and read OPs posts before commenting, because if they did they would agree with you about not giving him their only set of keys after losing multiple ones before.

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Honestly, if you've read the text exchanges and think that saying 'no' or challanging him face to face over taking her key is actually an option you (luckily for you) don't understand how control in an abusive relationship works

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 13:50

mrsrabbit33 · 14/12/2024 13:41

The people blaming op and going on about keys are really showing themselves up. Horrible, relentless victim blaming and also irrelevant to the predicament she found herself in last night. Loads of couples manage to successfully share keys, the issue here wasn't her it was the fact her horrible partner was so thoughtless and uncaring.

I hope you've managed to get some rest op.

And people who can see it's a long thread and admit to only reading the first page before posting. So keen to have their say they can't even be bothered to read the OP's posts.

sanityisamyth · 14/12/2024 13:46

Caroparo52 · 14/12/2024 13:08

Get a 2nd key cut. Cost you a fiver

Read the thread. It's free!

Plastictrees · 14/12/2024 13:45

Suzuki76 · 14/12/2024 13:34

Too right. It doesn't matter how many keys there are; he may as well have taken 3 sets out with him leaving none because this was deliberate and he is an emotionally abusive pig.

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Absolutely, the key is just another abusive incident of many designed to control and humiliate the OP.

Plastictrees · 14/12/2024 13:44

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 14/12/2024 13:08

I don't think many of the posts you probably consider "suppiorting" are supporting. Quite the opposite actually.

Oh and don't assume I have no experience of a toxic relationship.

Edited
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Yes supportive, as opposed to your condescending and unhelpful post.

mrsrabbit33 · 14/12/2024 13:41

The people blaming op and going on about keys are really showing themselves up. Horrible, relentless victim blaming and also irrelevant to the predicament she found herself in last night. Loads of couples manage to successfully share keys, the issue here wasn't her it was the fact her horrible partner was so thoughtless and uncaring.

I hope you've managed to get some rest op.

Suzuki76 · 14/12/2024 13:34

CalicoPusscat · 14/12/2024 13:04

I wish people would stop going on about keys.

I would like to know that OP has had some rest somewhere safe.

Too right. It doesn't matter how many keys there are; he may as well have taken 3 sets out with him leaving none because this was deliberate and he is an emotionally abusive pig.

xTheLoudLeaderx · 14/12/2024 13:32

Hope you’re okay OP ! What an awful situation to be in

FuckItItsFine · 14/12/2024 13:21

I hope OP is okay 😞

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/12/2024 13:21

Codlingmoths · 14/12/2024 13:13

He’s not careless, or if he is that’s not the point. He’s an abusive man who intentionally took the 1 key, saying he’d be home, then stayed out, knowing the op is locked out, in winter. If she gets mad at him he will be furious at her, she’s been quite clear about that.

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As I said, I only read the first page of posts before posting myself. Even without knowing about the abuse, this man is clearly the last person to be trusted with anything important, and I hope very much that OP gets away from him soon.

Codlingmoths · 14/12/2024 13:13

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/12/2024 12:49

Sorry OP but after reading the first page of this thread, it seems ridiculous. If there's only one key to the house, and it's yours, and DP is known to be careless, why on earth did you give him your key? This was bound to happen.You need a spare hidden in the garden and another left with a trusted neighbour as well as one for each of you.

He’s not careless, or if he is that’s not the point. He’s an abusive man who intentionally took the 1 key, saying he’d be home, then stayed out, knowing the op is locked out, in winter. If she gets mad at him he will be furious at her, she’s been quite clear about that.

XmasElfOnTheShelff · 14/12/2024 13:12

Caroparo52 · 14/12/2024 13:08

Get a 2nd key cut. Cost you a fiver

For the love of god. READ THE THREAD

ilovesooty · 14/12/2024 13:10

Caroparo52 · 14/12/2024 13:08

Get a 2nd key cut. Cost you a fiver

There's a key and a fob and the situation is more complex than that.

jeaux90 · 14/12/2024 13:09

Well he clearly doesn't give a shit about you OP. Leaves a woman vulnerable late at night should be the straw that breaks you.

And the gaslighting in that message!! He deserves nothing but contempt.

Caroparo52 · 14/12/2024 13:08

Get a 2nd key cut. Cost you a fiver

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 14/12/2024 13:08

Plastictrees · 14/12/2024 11:59

You clearly don’t understand how abuse works. Your points are blaming, ill-informed and unhelpful. If it was easy as ‘just take control of your life’ then the OP would not find herself here. She has been disempowered, degraded and belittled for the past 6 years which will have had a massive impact on her self esteem. It’s a shame some posters kick women when they’re down rather than supporting them to rise up.

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I don't think many of the posts you probably consider "suppiorting" are supporting. Quite the opposite actually.

Oh and don't assume I have no experience of a toxic relationship.

CalicoPusscat · 14/12/2024 13:04

I wish people would stop going on about keys.

I would like to know that OP has had some rest somewhere safe.

cordeliavorkosigan · 14/12/2024 12:52

OP, we are raging on your behalf about what happened. Hope you're ok. And that you have some support from your mum now.

ThePoshUns · 14/12/2024 12:49

She doesn't have a garden. She lives in a flat .

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/12/2024 12:49

Sorry OP but after reading the first page of this thread, it seems ridiculous. If there's only one key to the house, and it's yours, and DP is known to be careless, why on earth did you give him your key? This was bound to happen.You need a spare hidden in the garden and another left with a trusted neighbour as well as one for each of you.

ArgyMcBargy · 14/12/2024 12:48

I haven't read the full thread, so apologies if this has been said already. But all housing associations must have a Domestic Abuse policy. And they must help women in situations of abuse in their properties, which this is. Don't loose access to a HA property because of him. Please, even if you go to your mum's now, call the housing association on Monday. Depends on their size they may have a dedicated team to support you.

Zaap · 14/12/2024 12:16

Make sure you contact your landlord ASAP OP and have your name removed from the tenancy because otherwise you’ll not be living there and be legally liable for half the rent.

Plastictrees · 14/12/2024 11:59

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 14/12/2024 10:57

It depends on what you think is "finding fault" and "providing comfort"

It's not "finding fault" to point out that OP has put up with this awful man for 6 years and needs to take control of her life.

It's very foolish to have only 1 set of house keys and to give them to the person who loses them.

It was naive to expect that he would be home by 9 p.m after a works night out in December. The OP got home at 10 p.m. He didn't need keys at all.

OP finally decided to call her mother from Macdonalds at 2 p.m- why not earlier?

It's not "giving comfort" by just saying "there, there, poor you, you don't deserve this"

She doesn't deserve this but stopping it needs her to take control of her life.

Show quote history

You clearly don’t understand how abuse works. Your points are blaming, ill-informed and unhelpful. If it was easy as ‘just take control of your life’ then the OP would not find herself here. She has been disempowered, degraded and belittled for the past 6 years which will have had a massive impact on her self esteem. It’s a shame some posters kick women when they’re down rather than supporting them to rise up.

Sooverwork · 14/12/2024 11:09

supersop60 · 14/12/2024 05:05

At least read the OP'S posts.
She has paid for multiple copies of the keys and he keeps losing them.
He told her he'd be home earlier than her.

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Yes well sorry I didn’t read them all before I posted . It sounds like a bizarre setup

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 14/12/2024 10:57

pictoosh · 14/12/2024 08:18

This is precisely why I'd not come to mumsnet for advice if the shit hit the fan. Far too many people more concerned with finding fault so they can momentarily feel better about themselves than with helping or providing comfort.
Not what someone in distress needs at all.

It depends on what you think is "finding fault" and "providing comfort"

It's not "finding fault" to point out that OP has put up with this awful man for 6 years and needs to take control of her life.

It's very foolish to have only 1 set of house keys and to give them to the person who loses them.

It was naive to expect that he would be home by 9 p.m after a works night out in December. The OP got home at 10 p.m. He didn't need keys at all.

OP finally decided to call her mother from Macdonalds at 2 p.m- why not earlier?

It's not "giving comfort" by just saying "there, there, poor you, you don't deserve this"

She doesn't deserve this but stopping it needs her to take control of her life.