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AIBU?

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Original poster

He’s fucking locked me out.

859 replies

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

OP posts:
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mnreader · 13/12/2024 23:39

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Canthinkofaname58 · 13/12/2024 23:39

I can remember being a teenager and watching the storyline on Eastenders where a woman (Maureen?) was being abused by her husband (Tony?) and thinking “why wouldn’t you just leave”. Now, twenty-odd years later, having lived with someone abusive for around four years I am ashamed of myself for having that thought and am disgusted at the people on here asking the same of the OP. Until you have lived with abuse you will not only never be able to comprehend a trauma bond but the many other factors that can keep you trapped. For me it has been financial abuse and thankfully for me I will have the means to escape in the New Year but you have absolutely no idea why the OP is trapped, none of us do. Bashing her for not wanting the repercussions of going to get the key is not only completely unhelpful but utterly insensitive. I completely understand it - you will do anything to keep the peace, save yourself from days of abuse and having to apologise despite knowing you are not the one in the wrong - even if it is to your own detriment.

OP I hope you find the strength to leave, I promise I know how hard it is and I completely understand the trauma bond but I promise you deserve so much more (and I know deep down you know this yourself). Stay safe, I promise you are stronger than you give yourself credit for x

terracottacountryfarm · 13/12/2024 23:38

I'd personally get a locksmith out and change the locks, so he can't get in. Not sure why you are putting up with this

Original poster
FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:38

I just want my keys back. I don’t care about anything else. I just want my keys.

OP posts:
Haggia · 13/12/2024 23:38

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:34

I’m in McDonald’s thankfully, phone was literally on its last legs and they’ve got the wireless chargers on the tables thank GOD

Phew. Thank goodness you can still post here now.

Merryoldgoat · 13/12/2024 23:37

Zaap · 13/12/2024 23:25

This woman is clearly in a highly abusive and toxic relationship and has been locked out of her house when it’s freezing in the dark for hours. Try and imagine how that must feel! Have some common sense and empathy for gods sake.

Plenty of people in abusive relationships struggle to comprehend how they can leave. That’s why abusers do what they do. You’re a stranger behind a screen on the internet in your presumably safe, warm house trying to tell her how many options she has open to her. Easy for you to say from a place of privilege. You don’t know her or anything about her life other than what she’s written which is awful. You don’t live her life or suffer the consequences of it to tell her that’s she’s not ready to be helped. Your arrogance and ignorance is exceptional.

Why would she hope to end up hospitalised? It’s a serious possibility if he doesn’t come back. She can’t currently get herself out of a situation that an abuser has put her in. Why are you accusing her of being manipulative when she’s clearly struggling and in a vulnerable position? That’s sure what it sounds like. We don’t use Mumsnet as a way to bring people down emotionally when they’re literally at an all time low in their lives. Does it make you feel superior? It should make you feel shameful and embarrassed. Mumsnet is for people who want to help. Do better.

Show quote history

I would feel furious, hurt, utterly bewildered.

But I’d also get the fuck in my house or somewhere warm.

The helplessness is ridiculous. This is a woman with a job who is not married and has no children.

I’m not saying it’s easy to end things but just choosing to stand out in the freezing cold when there ARE other options is ridiculous.

I don’t blame her for her predicament - her partner is a nasty abusive POS but that’s tomorrow’s problem. Tonight’s is finding warmth but she seems to have no awareness of that hence ‘crack on’.

It is not possible to help some people and all of the sympathy in the world isn’t helping her now.

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:37

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:34

I’m in McDonald’s thankfully, phone was literally on its last legs and they’ve got the wireless chargers on the tables thank GOD

Glad you're inside somewhere. I'd tell him to loop by and collect you on his way home. Order whatever you fucking fancy and make him pay for it later.

Independently I'd say this is just him being a bit of a tool, but your situation sounds bigger than this.. get on airplane mode and get some food. You can figure out if this is part of a bigger problem and that perhaps the relationship needs to end.. or not.. now that you're in a safe warm environment to do so.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 13/12/2024 23:37

OP, is there literally anywhere else you can go? When will your mum be home? Don’t go home to this arsehole even when he does deign to return.

sandyhappypeople · 13/12/2024 23:36

Why would it be world war three? Plans change, events run over, no one wants to end the party early, you should be able to go to where he is, and quickly get the key without it being a full on meltdown, why does everything have to be so dramatic, I couldn't be arsed with all that.

Also, why agree to give him your key if he is so useless with them and such a prick to boot, surely him not being able to get in should be his problem not yours? He should be the one waiting for you to come home from work or coming to you to get the key if he needs to get in, or getting copies made himself ffs, he sounds like an idiot.

Doubledenim305 · 13/12/2024 23:36

Thebissue is bigger than the keys. Sadly

ilovesooty · 13/12/2024 23:36

I'm glad at least you're somewhere warm and able to charge your phone.

Renamedyetagain · 13/12/2024 23:35

I mean, keep living life this way if it's what you want. You do you, etc.

Or, set the bar at least marginally higher.

terracottacountryfarm · 13/12/2024 23:35

Hi OP, question is, why are you still with him then if you are sick of him?

Original poster
FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:34

I’m in McDonald’s thankfully, phone was literally on its last legs and they’ve got the wireless chargers on the tables thank GOD

OP posts:
Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:34

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:32

Oh he knows I’m locked out.
My neighbour isn’t in and the only one that is, is a woman with a new baby. They turn their doorbell off at night. Flats are abit dodgy.

What did you say back to that message? He's asking what you want, so tell him..

betterangels · 13/12/2024 23:34

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:06

He has my keys. The reason there’s one set of keys is because he lost the spare.

Show quote history

And this is why he would be paying for a locksmith.

LumpyandBumps · 13/12/2024 23:34

The gate at the cunt farm is wide open tonight

I must save this for future use. 🤣

MrsResponder · 13/12/2024 23:33

Aw, lovely, get yourself somewhere warm, quick. Whatever is affordable at the moment, McDonald's, cheap hotel room, buzzing someone in the building to let you in. This is the absolute priority. The money, unfairness, inconsideration, that can all be discussed later. Now you need to be inside, warm and safe.

You're understandably angry at the moment, but fury is stopping you from helping yourself. Do something now to solve the first problem, being cold and outside.

Don't forget it though. When you're back safe and warm at home remember just how unnecessarily miserable, cold and unsafe he made you through his selfish decisions. Then decide what to do next to solve that. I think in the light of day it will become clear.

Mamabearsmile · 13/12/2024 23:32

AlohaRose · 13/12/2024 22:06

So he's 15 mins away? Can you get a taxi to wherever he is? And if that is your only key, get another one cut urgently.

No dont get another one cut. Ever...
.

Original poster
FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:32

Oh he knows I’m locked out.
My neighbour isn’t in and the only one that is, is a woman with a new baby. They turn their doorbell off at night. Flats are abit dodgy.

He’s fucking locked me out.
He’s fucking locked me out.
OP posts:
RogueFemale · 13/12/2024 23:31

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:28

Victim shaming at its finest.

Show quote history

Victim of what? There has been no abuse. He's just an arsehole boyfriend.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:31

Zaap · 13/12/2024 23:25

This woman is clearly in a highly abusive and toxic relationship and has been locked out of her house when it’s freezing in the dark for hours. Try and imagine how that must feel! Have some common sense and empathy for gods sake.

Plenty of people in abusive relationships struggle to comprehend how they can leave. That’s why abusers do what they do. You’re a stranger behind a screen on the internet in your presumably safe, warm house trying to tell her how many options she has open to her. Easy for you to say from a place of privilege. You don’t know her or anything about her life other than what she’s written which is awful. You don’t live her life or suffer the consequences of it to tell her that’s she’s not ready to be helped. Your arrogance and ignorance is exceptional.

Why would she hope to end up hospitalised? It’s a serious possibility if he doesn’t come back. She can’t currently get herself out of a situation that an abuser has put her in. Why are you accusing her of being manipulative when she’s clearly struggling and in a vulnerable position? That’s sure what it sounds like. We don’t use Mumsnet as a way to bring people down emotionally when they’re literally at an all time low in their lives. Does it make you feel superior? It should make you feel shameful and embarrassed. Mumsnet is for people who want to help. Do better.

Show quote history

That was at Merryoldgoat by the way not you Zaap

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:30

Zaap · 13/12/2024 23:25

This woman is clearly in a highly abusive and toxic relationship and has been locked out of her house when it’s freezing in the dark for hours. Try and imagine how that must feel! Have some common sense and empathy for gods sake.

Plenty of people in abusive relationships struggle to comprehend how they can leave. That’s why abusers do what they do. You’re a stranger behind a screen on the internet in your presumably safe, warm house trying to tell her how many options she has open to her. Easy for you to say from a place of privilege. You don’t know her or anything about her life other than what she’s written which is awful. You don’t live her life or suffer the consequences of it to tell her that’s she’s not ready to be helped. Your arrogance and ignorance is exceptional.

Why would she hope to end up hospitalised? It’s a serious possibility if he doesn’t come back. She can’t currently get herself out of a situation that an abuser has put her in. Why are you accusing her of being manipulative when she’s clearly struggling and in a vulnerable position? That’s sure what it sounds like. We don’t use Mumsnet as a way to bring people down emotionally when they’re literally at an all time low in their lives. Does it make you feel superior? It should make you feel shameful and embarrassed. Mumsnet is for people who want to help. Do better.

Show quote history

I am truly disgusted at some of the replies on here. The ignorance is astounding. The gate at the cunt farm is wide open tonight sadly.

Butchyrestingface · 13/12/2024 23:30

Copperoliverbear · 13/12/2024 23:28

@Plastictrees I have read the updates, if she asks him to meet her outside the venue with the keys so she can go home he might meet her if she says she doesn't want to come in.
Also I do believe it's partly her fault who gives a man your keys when they keep losing theirs and who believes a man who's going to a works Christmas party that says he's not going to drink and will be home before nine. ( I'd say only a few in a million would be home )
Never put yourself in a position that makes you totally reliant on a man.
She needs to dump him, new year new start and if I had to get in debt to my mum for a locksmith I would and I'd leave his belongings on the doorstep.

The problem is she's said it's a joint tenancy so that needs to be unravelled before she can dump his shit on the doorstep or change any locks.

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:30

Yeah I agree you can go fetch the keys and he meets you to hand them over without gate crashing the party. That's acceptable, rocking up at his work party I would say less so unless he invited you to join.

I've been in your shoes and usually it's down to simple brains that don't think or have common sense, not down to someone intentionally wanting to leave you stuck.