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AIBU?

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Original poster

He’s fucking locked me out.

859 replies

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

OP posts:
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hellothere82 · 16/12/2024 08:48

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Petrasings · 16/12/2024 07:44

BigJanette · 16/12/2024 07:42

And what kind of upbringing did you have for you to think it is remotely acceptable to ask someone needing support this sort of victim blaming shite?

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That comment was truly shocking. As if anyone can change their upbringing!! A child does not get to cherry pick their upbringing at birth like a sweet shop! I can’t believe how nasty some people are.

BigJanette · 16/12/2024 07:42

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And what kind of upbringing did you have for you to think it is remotely acceptable to ask someone needing support this sort of victim blaming shite?

7ft1garysson · 16/12/2024 07:34

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I think the answer to this question is somewhere along the lines of none of your f*ing business.

Plastictrees · 16/12/2024 07:28

leia24 · 16/12/2024 07:15

Is there a reason you think you're entitled to this information? Is it so you can continue this victim blaming attitude? If she says ah yes I experienced XYZ growing up- then what are you going to say?

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I agree. Lots of ignorance about abuse in this post, as it can often be insidious and ramp up over time combined with manipulation and gaslighting it’s no wonder it’s hard to recognise and leave. The important thing is the OP getting away now.

leia24 · 16/12/2024 07:15

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Is there a reason you think you're entitled to this information? Is it so you can continue this victim blaming attitude? If she says ah yes I experienced XYZ growing up- then what are you going to say?

Downunderduchess · 16/12/2024 06:59

On a positive note, I am glad women are speaking up and sharing. They get support from other women and they learn that they can change their situation and it is possible to leave a bad relationship and be happy.

I’ve noticed more and more of these similar situations are being told here. Perhaps some women reading them might recognise themselves and understand what is going in their own relationship and have the courage and support to leave (or show him the door).

hellothere82 · 16/12/2024 06:40

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wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 19:55

MintShaker · 15/12/2024 10:53

There are 5 of us in our house and we have one key which stays in the lock in the back of the door. We never lock our front door so we don't need keys.

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That's bizarre! Who does that in this day and age?

5 of us here, 5 keys and a spare.

FontSnob · 15/12/2024 19:01

Hope you’re doing okay today.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 15/12/2024 17:49

I know you said you're not battling him for the flat but are you sure you want to give up a housing association home? Will you be offered another HA property or will you have to try and find a private rental?

Therealjudgejudy · 15/12/2024 15:12

So glad you have left the abusive prick.

Onwards and upwards!

Doubledenim305 · 15/12/2024 14:47

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 00:40

Sounds like a nightmare - grab a hotel and get spate keys cut tomorrow!

Grabbing a hotel is very expensive.

MintShaker · 15/12/2024 10:53

SpiritAdder · 13/12/2024 22:06

This can’t be real. Who only has 1 key to their home?

There are 5 of us in our house and we have one key which stays in the lock in the back of the door. We never lock our front door so we don't need keys.

raspberryripplecheesecake · 15/12/2024 10:06

He has been beyond selfish, what a horrible man. Well done for leaving. You deserve so, so much better. Hope you can turn your back on 2024 and look forward to a better 2025.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/12/2024 10:04

Make sure all bills are transferred to his name, including council tax.

jeaux90 · 15/12/2024 09:48

God he is a gaslighter, so proud of you for getting out.

Quitelikeit · 15/12/2024 09:15

Op

has he even apologised? He seems very intimidating actually - are you scared of him?

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 15/12/2024 07:57

Take care of yourself OP. Wishing you a wonderful 2025 where you focus fully on yourself. Treating yourself with the love and self respect you deserve. Time to discover your self worth. The journey will be challenging at times but the destination is worth it. ✨️

Pussycat22 · 15/12/2024 07:53

Americano75 · 14/12/2024 18:17

Ruined his night? I'd ruin his fucking life.

Absolutely! The ruination has already started cos he's going to have to pay pay pay!!!

Errors · 15/12/2024 07:46

sanityisamyth · 15/12/2024 07:20

Did you bother to RTFT?!

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It’s infuriating isn’t it. Even check the time it was posted and you’d see it’s moved on since then!

sanityisamyth · 15/12/2024 07:20

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 00:40

Sounds like a nightmare - grab a hotel and get spate keys cut tomorrow!

Did you bother to RTFT?!

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 15/12/2024 03:14

FuckingFreezing1 · 14/12/2024 19:41

I wasn’t giving him the opportunity to turn it on me. That’s why I didn’t cause a scene. And men like this, no amount of shouting crying and begging makes any difference and I’ve learned that the hard way

You're right. The last time I tried to leave my ex and actually managed it I didn't engage on anything, I just told him I was done. The only thing that ever happened when I tried to address things was that I was made to feel responsible for it and horrible and completely worthless. If he was a half decent person this never would have happened and there's no point trying to have it out with an abusive arsehole, it gains nothing. The important thing is to get yourself out of there. It's great that you've done that.

marmia1234 · 15/12/2024 02:41

Are you with your mum or another relative? That would be best until you get yourself sorted. Go through every bill /direct debit on your bank statement ( even things like cable TV, and furniture you may have bought on hire-purchase, random things like spotify) and ring and cancel them all tomorrow. Let the Housing Association know that you have left as of the 15/12/24. Put it in writing/email and hopefully then you are no longer responsible for the rent ( not in UK so not sure of the details )
Good luck

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 00:40

Sounds like a nightmare - grab a hotel and get spate keys cut tomorrow!