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AIBU?

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Original poster

He’s fucking locked me out.

859 replies

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

OP posts:
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HelloWorldItsNiceToMeetYou · 14/12/2024 07:32

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 13/12/2024 22:16

Because by her own admission he's got form for losing keys, but she still gave him her only set. Now she's on Mumsnet crying that she doesn't know what to do. It's teenage high school crap.

Show quote history

It really isn't.

yohohoCrimbo · 14/12/2024 07:31

Hope you're safe OP.
If I were your Mum, I'd drive to the other end of the country to get you.
You CAN start afresh. Don't waste another 6 years on this waster. He is using you.

missod · 14/12/2024 07:31

What a truly upsetting thread, the casualness of his cruelty is just so awful.

I hope next year is better for you OP. x

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 07:30

Op has been abused by this man for years. Financially, emotionally and treated like a dog. I can hardly believe what I have read. It is shocking.

Rainbowqueeen · 14/12/2024 07:25

OP if you are paying all the bills then this is a financially abusive relationship.

Please seek some help from Womens Aid. Leaving is tough, especially when you have had years of being treated the way you are. You need some support and an exit plan. Please ask.

There are also lots of incredible women here who can also give you assistance. And we all support you. We want you to have a life filled with peace and joy. You know you don't have friends solely because of him right?? Let 2025 be the year that you get that happy life back.

newbebe · 14/12/2024 07:23

I am sorry this has happened to you, and I hope you take this as a wake-up call. Get out and run. This is not any kind of relationship. I was 32 when I started again. I have 3 kids now, plus 2 houses. You are so young. You can have anything you want, just dump him and focus on yourself. You will look back in a few years and see what a loser he is and still is. While you will be flying ahead.

mjf981 · 14/12/2024 07:23

This is one of the most disrespectful things I have ever read.

I rarely agree with LTB on here - but this is a definite LTB. Get your stuff, key his car on your way out and block him on all channels. Completely cut him out of your life and start again. You're still young OP. Let this be the lowest point.

Cosycore · 14/12/2024 07:22

I hope you are safe OP. I’m worried about your safety over the next few days. This man does not love you.

CoolPlayer · 14/12/2024 07:22

hope you are ok and back in the house x

oakleaffy · 14/12/2024 07:20

Lavenderfarmcottage · 14/12/2024 06:04

Hi Op,

It sounds like you’re with a partner who mirrors a childhood that didn’t meet your needs. It’s not your fault that you got locked out and trusted your partner to be there.

I think you need to end the relationship and find a way forward. You’re still very young but once you have children leaving will be harder.

You’re so broken down that yo this problem was overwhelming - that’s not your fault but I can tell you’re emotionally exhausted and unable to think forward or out of things easily.

You need to get out of the relationship - a home of your own and no men for a while until you’ve repaired your childhood and background & healed with a good therapist.

I thought the same- Especially when op said her mum would be cross for contacting her so late!

I’d be there for my adult son or family no matter what the time!

PerambulationFrustration · 14/12/2024 07:19

I'm glad you've realised you're not wasting anymore of your life with this man.
There are men out there who are good and decent and that's the partner you deserve.

anotherbusybee · 14/12/2024 07:17

How are you @FuckingFreezing1

Please leave him.

You deserve so much more

SadSandwich · 14/12/2024 07:08

Last night was the beginning if the rest of ur life - im so sorry this happened to you and hope ur safe at ur mums. Take action today OP.

Vcal2017 · 14/12/2024 07:08

Hello FuckingFreezing1,
I was once in a verrrry similar situation, walking the streets in winter at night, looking for a man I knew was cheating on me. His friends laughing at me at the pub when I asked where he was, I think my faith in him died that night.
Leave this bastard. This isn’t healthy for you, it IS demeaning, There’s a world out there, with people who will see you for all the good you can bring. Leave him, your life awaits you.

Chica1990 · 14/12/2024 06:52

I'm sorry OP, he sounds like he has given you years of unhappiness. What do you get out of the relationship with him?

I locked myself out the house at 10am on a Monday morning a month or so ago, my husband left work to drive half an hour home to let me in and went back to work, he didn't even give me the grief I deserved for it! Please let this be your lowest point and don't give him the opportunity to make even worse memories for you. Use this anger to drive you and keep you focused on leaving the low life.

It's his loss. Good luck

JustMyView13 · 14/12/2024 06:46

HelmholtzWatson · 14/12/2024 06:29

Only having one key is really stupid. Also, it's a not very subtle way of controlling your other half.

This is unhelpful. OP is vulnerable, not stupid.
OP has defended this so many times.
He keeps ‘losing’ his key, and this is all part of the control. OP said short of getting keys cut every few days what more can they do.

This isn’t OP’s fault. They didn’t lose their key. Controlling BF is using this to control her.

Mysticmaiden2024 · 14/12/2024 06:40

Some of this sounds like cohersive control. I fully understand wanting to get out and just leave. I was in a loveless relationship while being controlled, it was mild and I was young. Unfortunately I hadn't understood the signs until years after even though I knew it was wrong. Luckily we separated because he had been cheating on me for months with a colleague and he broke up with me..he was living in my house as an emergency, rent and bill free and I was cooking and cleaning etc and he refused to eat fresh chicken that id put in the freezer and told me to go to the shop to get fresh..and I did. Wasn't allowed to text or talk to my male friends either. This was all while he was cheating on me.
Have been on on my own for 14 years since then, but I've paid my mortgage off and I'm at peace and have friends and family to visit so I'm so much happier than trapped in a dead end relationship.
Please look after yourself and put yourself first always ❤️

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 06:39

I honestly can’t believe he has left you outside to 2am in the middle of the winter with nowhere to go.

It is just unthinkable.

This has to be a water shed moment op. You are so young at 29 and can do far better than this for yourself.

Billybagpuss · 14/12/2024 06:39

Hope you were finally able to get somewhere safe and warm last night for some sleep and that you have the courage to leave this person.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 14/12/2024 06:34

I hope you are asleep somewhere. 💐

A small story for you.

At 28 i was sleepwalking into home ownership/marriage/kids with my then LT boyfriend.
He did so many disrespectful small things that i ignored or glossed over because i was made to feel i was unreasonable or overreacting then something happened that similarly tipped me over the edge. I ended it and he was floored but did very little to try and "win me back" despite his lame protestations of "loving me".

I could not have imagined my life a decade on (in a good way). I'm 40 now
use this as the catalyst to get out /end it, lick your wounds over xmas and use 2025 to focus on yourself.

HelmholtzWatson · 14/12/2024 06:29

Only having one key is really stupid. Also, it's a not very subtle way of controlling your other half.

SweetBobby · 14/12/2024 06:25

This is devastating. I pray you find the strength to allow yourself a happy life OP.

BusyGoldBee · 14/12/2024 06:17

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BusyGoldBee · 14/12/2024 06:15

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MrsWinkly · 14/12/2024 06:13

Zanatdy · 14/12/2024 04:52

This is awful. At least it shows you what little regard he has for you. My ex was an arse in many ways, but he would have been straight in a taxi if he knew I was sitting alone in McDonalds in the middle of the night for 5-6hrs. This has to be the final straw for this miserable relationship. You’re so young OP, go to your mum and start again, build some relationships with your friends again. Leave the absolute arsehole to it. Really hope you got in, and left and are safe. Please let us know. Take care OP.

I'd second all this!
You have your whole life ahead of you OP.
I wasted a good chunk of my 20's with a nasty piece of work.
Getting out of that 'relationship' was like being reborn!
You can do it - don't stress about the time that's passed, think of rebuilding your confidence and enjoying your life unshackled from this horrible man.
Hoping you're warm and safe xx