He’s fucking locked me out.

I’m so sorry OP. I hope you are warm now and have the courage to leave this awful man. You deserve so much better.

Ohh a round of applause for you.

Hope you’ve managed to get some sort of rest OP. I’m reading this thread in shock at the sheer meanness you’ve been faced with.
Don't let him talk you into believing that this behaviour is normal, or excusable.. or anything that can be blamed on you.
He has tried to warp your reality and make you feel that he should be able to treat you this way, don’t let him!
How dare he say about your ‘mithering’ when you are locked outside in the freezing cold and you need to get some sleep for work tomorrow. How dare he!! It’s DISGUSTING behaviour.
It makes me feel sick in my stomach that someone who is meant to take care of you has treated you this cruelly. That’s not how you treat someone you love. You don’t treat friends, family or partners like that. I wouldn’t leave a dog outside in this weather. His behaviour is really nasty and very demeaning.
The lack of sleep tonight must be really tough.
And now your work has also been impacted.

Please don’t keep this person in your life. You’re young and you have the world ahead of you. The wrong company is more isolating and lonely than being alone.
Do not let this person have the best years of your life!!!

In the almost 20 years we have been together, neither DH or I have lost our keys once. I’m not sure why you’d think it was that common!

He's a callous bastard. So are the posters on here pecking at you about the keys. What the hell is wrong with some people? Are they so desperate to feel 'better-than' that they would pick on someone in the situation you are in? Apparently so.
Absolute twats.

I hope to God this is the final nail in the coffin of your relationship OP. I am disgusted by his abuse. A horrible man who enjoys treating you like dirt.
I'm SO sorry this has happened to you. I wish I could be there to provide some company and reassurance. What an awful night.

Heartbreaking to read your updates OP. He is the scum of the earth. Who DOES that?
But 30 is so young, you can honestly chuck him out and live your best life.

RTFT would have been less effort than writing that. All of which has been answered multiple times by a very patient OP, despite her very distressing situation.

People lose stuff all the time. You must be in a permanent state of ickess

I hope this is your tipping point. You deserve a much better life than this.

a little FYI that key safes don’t negate someone going out and leaving the keys in the house etc
eldest has form for taking the key from the safe coming in dropping the key somewhere then going back out whilst I’m out with no key 🤦🏽‍♀️ you can’t legislate against idiots 🤷🏽‍♀️

If the flat belongs to an HA are you the lead tenant? Is he on the tenancy at all because if it's in your name you can chuck him out.

I hope you'll be OK OP. I'm sending you strength 💐💐

Yes. It will. So happy for you that you’ve seen it. In a way behaving this awfully has done you a favour. He’s cooked his goose.

Leave him. Work on getting to know yourself and feeling good about yourself and enjoy your life. May be a new relationship will come but don’t move in with them for a very long time and watch out for any red flags.

Hope you are ticked up sleeping at your mums now OP.

Please please leave him.

Your thirties can be so different to this half life you are living now.

So what if now he has lost the keys you gave him? It just didn't make any sense giving it to since he always losses his keys, he also has a car, I'm perplexed

It does if you’re in a coercively controlling relationship. There’s 2 text exchanges on this thread. They’re awful.

I hope you’re ok op. If you were my dd, I would be encouraging you to keep the tenancy and get him out because of abusive behaviour. He’s coercively controlling you by the sound of it. Once he’s off the tenancy, you could do a swap. Housing association rent is way cheaper than private renting and more secure. If you leave, you’re continuing to give him more gifts. I understand the compulsion and desire just to get out though.

If he’s always losing the keys then why does he have yours? While on a night out which always involves alcohol? This makes no sense at all.

He's one cruel bastard.
Just had one thought ..when you leave op...you'll leave the only set of keys with him. ...correct. ?
Let's hope the twat loses those .....then hes coughing up for lock change etc
Don't forget op .you deserve better

He won't come to let you in. He will go ballistic if you go to him to get the keys. He wants you to sit outside at night in winter for some indefinite period of time

Why are you with him?

😤OP, your partner makes me so mad. How dare he! From what you write he appears to be sponching off of you and dares to treat you like this, then whines about "not being able to relax" while you, who keeps a roof over his head, freezes at busstop. His behavior is completely unacceptable.

I, thankfully, have never been enmeshed with someone so abusive. It's easier if you are not living together and not sharing any finances, but once you do and a certain dynamic has developed, leaving must be infinitely harder than a simple heartbreak. Hell, I've seen a friend go through a abusive relationship and she was still living at her parents' place. She felt "disloyal" to even think of leaving when he had done "so much for her" when she was going through a hard time. In the end she stopped talked to me. I think I handled it badly. I just didn't know what to say to her and I was so concerned for her. I hope she eventually left him, but I don't know.

To any outsider it's clear to see it is abuse and that no one deserves to be treated like that. However, these dynamics often develop as a slow boil over time and by the time you realize just how effed up the situation is, you are smack bang in the middle of it and leaving carries all sorts of complications and requires dismanteling the life you've let for years.

And this is not even considering that we all know on some level that there is a risk of a man ramping up the abuse when a woman does try to leave.

Tell your mum.. tell her you are leaving him. Give yourself the best Xmas present ever and pack your stuff and leave. Let the landlord know and then block this utter shit. There is much better out there for you!

Yes it’s horrific as well as the posters coming on here to say “how dumb are you to only have one key”. He keeps losing his keys, he promised the OP he would get in first (would probably have given her hell if she hadn’t lent her key to him) and then he knows she is outside in the cold and dark and won’t come back from the pub and tells her she’s mithering him and she sits in McDonald’s all night as she doesn’t want to upset him.

Why are people obsessed with trying to make the OP out to be a liar? It's really nasty, bullying behaviour.

I hope you’re tucked up at home and asleep, I hope this is the final straw that broke the camel’s back.
That wank stain of a bf doesn’t care for anyone but himself, it’s not a reflection on you at all, I wouldn’t leave a dog outside in the cold let alone anyone else! He won’t change for you, or for anyone.
His needs are basic, somebody to pay the rent, buy the food and pay the bills so he can pay for his car, some sex thrown in when his ball sacks need emptying,he basically needs an indulgent mummy with benefits.
You on the other hand are a prize to be cherished, you deserve so much better than this walking talking sack of shit. Walk away, move back in with mum .
Your bf once he realises your serious might squeeze some crocodile tears and pleas of change but his only concern is who will fund him so he can just pay for his car. Nothing would change if you stayed, he might appear to be more caring for a few fleeting days but it would soon go back to normal.
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