Criticism about being healthy and diaciplined

It just bothers me that something I feel is so intrinsic to my character/life is being so heavily judged by others. It really upsets me.

The fact that it's "so intrinsic" to your character/life does suggest to me, as I thought, that there is something going on here.

I don't drink or smoke. This is a lifestyle choice but by no means "intrinsic" to who I am. I never give it a thought from day to day.

TBH your use of the words "hearty SALAD" makes me roll my eyes.........

I've got gut issues, various sorts, I can't eat much in one go and have to eat slowly. They laughed at me at work (stroke ward) in a good natured way not nasty, called me Mrs good life. As I excercise,eat mostly veggie and mostly healthy, grow a lot of my own fruit and veg. I said at least if I had a stroke or cardiac event,no one could blame me. I used to get "is that all you're eating". It's all I can eat! I enjoy my food and cooking. They've all got used to me now. On here, I have been accused of lying, having an eating disorder, boasting. As for the drinking alcohol,there was a post on here recently about the documentary on binge drinking, people replied, the amount the drank didn't affect them, they would carry on as usual,no one was going to stop them and yes, the old chestnut you've got to die sometime. As long as they don't expect the NHS to pick up the pieces!

If you were so distressed by someone saying something critical that you put on a stone in weight it suggests that there might be some issues there.

What is self abandonment?

I'm starting to think that you over-think things, going by your use of such terms, and the fact that a comment made you respond to strongly that you put on a stone in weight. It seems that your healthy living is something that you have attached to your persona in an unhealthy way.

In response to the person who commented on your lunch, I'd just have said "I like salad!" but you've been dwelling on it since, which is odd.

I have got comments like that in the past because I no longer drink alcohol (it gives me horrendous anxiety and headaches and flushed face etc) and because I enjoy running early in the mornings etc.

To be clear, I never talk about it but when people go on about why I am not drinking I just ignore it. It's always about them and their own insecurities - they say those things because it makes them feel bad about their choices even if you have not said anything even remotely negative. Thats on them, not me so I usually just laugh it off.

I am not going to do what they want me to do and feel like shit in the process just to appease their cognitive dissonance.

A guy I was talking to was like that. Spent hours at the gym which he walked half an hour to get to and another half an hour back. So overall he would be doing about 4 hours exercise if you include the walk.

But very restricted in his diet. He said he didn’t like going out to eat and I don’t know if that was part of his restricted diet or he was a cheapskate and was worried he may have to take me out on dates to eat as he knew I liked food.

He wouldn’t even eat cake on birthdays and would often just eat once or twice a day despite working out so much . And he would make comments about me “eating again” and I’d be like yeah 2 or 3 meals and one or two snacks a day is normal dude! 🙄

It all put me off him and I realised we weren’t compatible so called off the first date. I walk daily, don’t smoke, drink or take drugs but I’m definitely a foodie! 😂

OTOH I once was talking to a guy who was into the gym but drank wine most weekends. He made more than one comment about how I should become a weekend drinker too.

That gave me an even bigger ick! I’m late 30s and except the very occasional glass of Prosecco once every few years, I’ve basically been teetotal since age 19. Why is he trying to get me to change that?

So I can kind of see it from both angles, I would not be happy at any partner trying to influence my lifestyle either way.

If someone is to obsessed with “health” to the extent it looks unhealthy to me, I’d just rather swerve them than date them and try and tempt them with bits of chocolate.

That’s fine @arcticpandas I have about 10 meals I eat in rotation and have a few glasses of wine a week plus some chocolate. But when her diet is restricted to just fat free yogurt, berries, plain steamed fish/chicken and green vegetables it’s a worry. No other dairy, no fats, no sugar, no treats and two hours exercise a day. I don’t have a huge amount of knowledge of diet and fitness but surely your body needs decent, healthy food to sustain that level of activity.

Please explain what their coments 'trigger'?

Just curious - would you mind sharing what you eat? 😄

I eat the same thing every day for lunch and pretty much the same things in the evening as well. I also have to have my pudding after lunch and chocolate treat every evening. It's strange to some but works for me and has nothing to do with calorie restriction but with me having food preferences not to mention it makes it so much easier not to think about what to eat since you already know the answer.😀

I bought a pastry in M&S once and the lady at the checkout made such a huge song and dance about getting her little booklet out to identify the pastry because "I never eat this sort thing", "I would never eat anything like this, so I can't really tell what it is without checking". I don't know if she knew that she was coming across as somewhat disordered...

I love sweet foods too and in the past, given the choice of chocolate in the morning or nuts, I would go for chocolate but now I crave nuts and will turn down sweet things.

But after dinner, if I am going to have something to eat, I will eat something sweet.

If, as I suspect, the OP is at the bottom of the healthy weight range then gaining 15 pounds would put her towards the middle and she’d still be a healthy weight. It’s usually people at the bottom of the range who are obsessed with staying that way, IME, and devote all their mental energy to it.

That's really shocking coming from health professionals - mostly it's the opposite - lose weight (and I get it because being overweight does create health problems. I completely disagree with the idea that's it's fine and healthy to be overweight). Basically it seems like as women it's just impossible to win, even with some health professionals - too fat, too thin, too 'muscular' too curvy whatever....

Oh, just realised you are one of these.
😂
Ignore, this stuff is for you.
Others have many problems with themselves.

Whether or not YABU depends if your "healthy and disciplined" is coming across as unbearable sanctimony.

Do you go on about it a lot? I find people only comment when you go and on and on about your healthy lifestyle.

Well, I am disciplined, as brought up, so never experienced any criticism so far at 45.
But, OP, the dreaded discipline is for you to benefit, noone else!
Sorry 😁

We had an au pair once who thought she was being ‘disciplined and healthy’ and everyone else was being critical of her choices and being bullies who were making her life a misery. She actually had such an extreme eating disorder and exercise obsession that ruled every minute of her life to point where she would break down in tears if the times I needed her to mind the kids clashed with her 4-5 hours a day of exercise. She would not eat meals with the family, because she only ate broccoli (which had to be organic and grown in South Africa) and steamed salmon. Yes, for every meal. (Although she would also steal my chocolate and wine when I was out.) She weighed about 5.5 stone, you could see her bones jutting out and she was constantly cold and tired. I sat her down once and told her she was cold and tired because she was not eating the right things. Her response…?? ‘Why do so many people criticise me for being disciplined and healthy?’

The OP might be disciplined and healthy, she might be the very opposite. We don’t really know though do we? We are just reading her version of events on the internet so it’s impossible to tell if she’s healthy or not. One thing is for certain though - it’s not healthy to be really really triggered by people’s comments about your diet. Regular comments about people’s diets or exercise are rarely so extreme as to ‘really trigger’ someone unless that person does indeed have a problem.

I agree with this - ‘I live a healthy lifestyle and no one understands’ can actually hide ARFID, exercise obsession and OCD, all of which tend to co-exist. That OP was unable to relax her diet/exercise programme and simply maintain her weight, means there is something underlying the need for control and I’d encourage therapy to get to the bottom of this.

I used to find that in the 1990s and 2000s when I was sometimes made to feel a bit mad for doing regular exercise and looking after myself. Now I find it's more the norm and people are more critical of others not following healthy lifestyles.

I suspect it’s not the healthy and disciplined lifestyle people take issue with but the constant harping on about it. My colleague, for example, who will announce “I just want to check I can have that because I’m VEGAN”, in a vegan bloody restaurant where everyone is a vegan and so is all the food, just so she can virtue signal that she’s a vegan…..

Triggered as in I start self-abandoning and feeling really attacked. I ended up gaining 15 pounds once when someone criticised my lifestyle choices and then it took me ages to get back on track

There’s something else going on here beyond people commenting on your “hearty salads” and clean living.

I don’t smoke and rarely drink (the latter of which does draw comment). No amount of negativity or criticism about either of those choices would induce me to “self abandon” or start smoking and drinking if I didn’t want to. It’s crazy to blame one person criticising your lifestyle for you gaining 15 pounds.

I’m not convinced we’re getting the full picture here.