This is massive sorry but I need to let it out somewhere. I’ve had issues with my SIL (BILs girlfriend) since the day I met her. For ease, we’ll call her Daisy and we’ll call BIL Harry. For context, she and my BIL are my age, my husband is three years older.
I started dating my now husband in early 2016. Near the end of 2016, around October/November time, Harry introduced us all to Daisy. Daisy asked how long I’d been with my now husband for at this point, and I said 10 months. She told me she’d been with Harry for two years. The family all thought this was unusual because none of them had ever met, seen, or heard of her before. She told my MIL and husband that she met Harry at a party, she told me she met him through tinder, and according to Harry, they met at university and had to go long distance for a while. To be honest I didn’t really care enough, so never thought twice about it until now.
When we got to 2019, my now husband proposed. Daisy was furious when we announced the news, and openly said she should have been engaged first because she’s been in a relationship longer. In 2019, my now husband and I also bought our first house. We had a housewarming party which Harry attended alone. Daisy and Harry started renting a house a few months after we bought our house. For a few years (2019 to 2022), she told everyone they had bought the house, and none of us questioned this. However, in 2022, she and Harry had to move in with my MIL as their landlord no longer wanted to lease the property, and this is when we all discovered she wasn’t truthful about owning the property. She does own a house with Harry now (or so she says). Harry never shares any details, Daisy does all the talking.
Also at the start of 2022, my husband and I got married. Daisy argued with Harry very publicly in our reception, telling him that she should have been the one getting married first, not me (they still weren’t engaged at this point, and still aren’t engaged now).
After our wedding, Daisy started asking me at every opportunity when I was planning on trying for a baby. Literally everyday she would ask me, and I always responded with ‘not just yet’. Eventually the constant questioning got to me, and I admitted to her that we’d been trying for a baby ever since we bought our house in 2019, and we were on a waiting list for fertility treatments via the NHS. She said she was sorry to hear this. A couple months later she texted me to say she was 4 weeks pregnant and it was a complete accident and she’s so surprised at how easily she got pregnant. I texted back ‘congratulations, I’m so happy for you’. I genuinely was, but didn’t agree with her letting me know it was an accident. I didn’t share this with her as I won’t let my rain dampen someone else’s parade, plus I pick and choose my battles and didn’t have the energy to fight it.
Around when Daisy was 8 weeks pregnant, she very sadly had a miscarriage and I was genuinely heartbroken for her. I sent her flowers and food packages, and wished her my love.
At the end of 2022, I found out by some complete miracle that I was pregnant. The chances of this happening for us naturally were next to none, so I was very weary of getting too excited. My husband texted Harry and Daisy the news when we got to 12 weeks (we texted as we didn’t want to tell them in public knowing they’d had a loss). Harry called to congratulate us and sounded genuinely pleased for us. My husband apologised for telling him over text but Harry said he understood and appreciated it. We never heard back from Daisy.
When I was around 6 months pregnant, my husband and I met up with my MIL, Harry and Daisy for lunch for MILs birthday. Daisy refused to look at me and blanked me when I said hello to her. After the lunch, my MIL asked my husband and I if we’d like to go baby clothes shopping with her (MIL was very excited about having a grandchild). We agreed and Harry also came along as he said he wanted to treat his future niece or nephew. Daisy meanwhile ran off to sit in Harry’s car for the duration of our shopping. I texted Daisy when we got home to ask if she was ok and she said that she didn’t appreciate me inviting everyone baby clothes shopping as it was really insensitive to her (baring in mind my MIL organised this, not me, and Harry was happy to come along). She also said that I was rubbing my pregnancy in her face by wearing a tight fitting dress, and that I should have worn something loose to hide my bump from her (I was wearing a flowy maternity dress). I apologised and we didn’t discuss it since.
When my baby was born, Daisy refused to meet her, and to this day she doesn’t even look at her or acknowledge she’s in the room. I get that she’s suffered a loss but I think this is unhealthy. My husband spoke with Harry about it, and Harry said that they’re not currently trying as neither of them want a baby yet, and have plans to travel before settling down. Last month however, Daisy told my MIL that I’ve mocked her for having a miscarriage (I never would and I’m still offended by this), and said that I’ve done nothing but bully her since the day we met. My MIL disregarded this immediately. She then showed my MIL a diary she’d kept since 2016, wherein she’s written down all the times I’ve “bullied” her (all complete lies - things like I’ve hit her, called her house ugly, etc). My MIL has never been overly keen on her as she tells small lies a lot (e.g., her salary changes constantly, there’s different versions of how she and Harry met, she said she was originally from Bradford then moved to Scotland as a child when she’s actually from Lancaster, she said her dad is a multi millionaire with a successful company but can’t say the company as it’s top secret, etc). I now think she’s trying to turn my MIL against me, which is sad as I have a lovely relationship with her (so far it’s not working, and is only making MIL dislike Daisy more).
I basically feel like Daisy doesn’t like me, and has wanted to be “first” at everything, and can’t cope that I was. I don’t care about being first, but I feel like she does. She’s still not engaged and I dread to think how she’ll act if it doesn’t happen soon. I’m really furious about this notebook though, I think it’s really weird behaviour, and I’m now starting to think that there’s something wrong with Daisy mentally. Everyone is just laughing it off but my blood is boiling over it. Should I confront Daisy? Or should I ignore her and totally cut her off? I don’t want to be anywhere near this woman anymore, I think she’s plain weird!