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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To keep away from this person

37 replies

Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 17:03

So my aunt has recently told me her husband in late 70s has been arrested. Police turned up at their house and seized laptops etc saying someone at that house had been downloading indecent images of children. They both went to the station, her phone was examined and was clear and he is the only one who uses computers, nobody else in the house. Police told her over a 1000 category A images were downloaded. He tried to say to her this had happened because he chats to adult women online ( she knows this) and had given one of them his email address so it could have happened like that which I know is bullshit. He then admitted speaking to a man of a similar age to him who was advertising his 17 yr old granddaughter for sex and admitted he was planning one meeting with this girl to pay for sex. (I know shocking) and this could be another explanation as to how he's been "set up". Police told my auntie the images were downloaded using his IP address and there is no way it can have happened any other way. Now she is telling me it's all been one huge mistake and he's an innocent old man, I have said I don't want amything to do with him whatsoever as I think she's just saying this because she wants to brush it all under the carpet and regrets telling me.

OP posts:
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 17:39

I have adult children, I have told her that as much as I care for her i cannot be around her if she is continuing to stay with him. She's saying she can't believe I would believe he is capable of this and yes it is a shock she has been with him for 25 yrs but the facts clearly dont lie. My husband has banned both of them from the house and I have said I am.going no contact with them as myself andd my immediate family want no part. of this, but she says I am being unreasonable . I know of course it's all true even though it's a huge shock to discover this about someone.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2024 17:21

Your uncle is a paedophile and your aunt is his enabler. Steer clear of both of them.

wizzywig · 13/12/2024 17:21

Her reaction is very much the norm. 1000 cat a's is most definitely not a mistake. She'll have been groomed and won't believe he would do this.

JingleB · 13/12/2024 17:16

Your aunt is in denial that her husband of many years is a pervert and sex offender.

It’s a very common response - who wants to believe that about the person they love and have spent their lives with? Easier to think there’s been a terrible mistake somewhere and it is all a terrible misunderstanding.

And to minimise, think he’s done something unsavoury but not actually wrong…

Your poor aunt deserves sympathy; it’s not her fault her life has exploded.

Your uncle deserves jail.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 13/12/2024 17:15

In her defense maybe she can't imagine rebuilding her life alone if she admits he has done this and is going to jail... Denial is a real thing...

sprigatito · 13/12/2024 17:15

I can understand the initial shock and denial, but she needs to cop herself on very quickly, unless she wants to lose every relationship she has with anyone even peripherally connected with a child. There's no way I would have anything to do with her again if she didn't completely expunge him from her life.

ThatSerenePanda · 13/12/2024 17:15

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ThatSerenePanda · 13/12/2024 17:14

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MerelyPlaying · 13/12/2024 17:12

It’s not a mistake. But people see what they’re able to see, and it’s hard for a woman of her age to accept that he’s been doing this.

You’re not being unreasonable to stay away from him, but consider whether you can still offer your aunt some support.

misszebra · 13/12/2024 17:11

you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. is your aunt mentally there???? she seems inept.

Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 17:10

That's exactly what I think, but she's trying to say it's all been a mistake, how the hell can it have been? I must admit I'm not the most computer savvy person but if it's their IP address how can it be a mistake and pretty sure police don't just turn up seizing computers without good reason.

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TheRozzers · 13/12/2024 17:05

Of course YANBU to stay away from a paedophile 🤢